Bush Forces U.S. Economy to Resign

 
Blames Economy for Rising Unemployment Numbers  

   
NEWSWEEK WEB EXCLUSIVE
 

    Dec. 10 —  President George W. Bush moved decisively today to stem the recent tide of bad economic news by demanding that the U.S. economy resign, effective immediately
 MR. BUSH DEMANDED that the economy call it quits in a closed-door meeting with the economy in the Oval Office late last night.
        “It’s no secret that the President and the economy haven’t been on the same page for some time now,” one source close to Mr. Bush said. “I think the President finally decided it was time to say, ‘It’s my way or the highway’.”
        White House aides had been saying privately in recent weeks that the President was “furious” at the economy for producing rising unemployment numbers and other gloomy statistics that could prove damaging to the Bush administration.
        “As far as the President was concerned, the economy wasn’t a team player,” one aide said.
        Stock market futures plunged on the news that the U.S. economy had been forced to quit, as investors expressed anxiety about which economy Mr. Bush might ultimately choose to take its place.
        “If President Bush chooses, say, the Argentine economy—uh-oh,” said Janine Pierce, an analyst at Credit Suisse First Boston.
        Meanwhile, sources close to the U.S. economy said that the economy was considering several options, including writing a tell-all memoir, and was presently relaxing at an Irish castle owned by the singer Bono of the rock band U2, a longtime friend of the U.S. economy.
        “Frankly, I think the economy is happy to be away from Bush,” one source said. “Nobody likes being totally ignored.