When and who taught you table etiquette when you were a child?

I'll read the article in a little while, but the answer to your questions is that i was taught basic table manners by my maternal grandparents, who raised me, and the "stricter" table manners for eating in a white table cloth restaurant by my mother, who would take us out to dinner about once a month. My paternal grandparents visited once a year, on my birthday (because it's close to christmas, and my grandmother would make up a shopping list during the visit), and we would go out to a white table cloth restaurant. My mother had a horror that we'd embarrass ourselves (read, embarrass her) in front of her mother- and father-in-law, so we were instructed in the use of more than one spoon, more than one fork, finger bowls, bread plates, laying one's soiled utensils on the plate rather then the tablecloth--that sort of thing.

I suppose i couldn't describe all the "rules," but i've never embarrassed myself in a restaurant, or eating in someone else's home.

Catholic mother;
Five kids.
We learned the hard way.
Screw up and you had to leave the table.
and eat your dinner cold for breakfast.

I was constantly balling up my napkin, a major offense apparently, and one that I continue to do today.

Joe(you know what else I like? Cold beef stew,)Nation

My parents were anal about table manners. Sip soup from the side of the spoon, etc. We had a rhyme that went:

Elbows, elbows on the table
This is not a horse's stable
Round the table you must go
Round the table you must go

And we had to run around the table while everyone chanted that.

I taught my kids' table manners and when they were good for a week (they got a star every day for things like sitting still, chewing, etc), we'd go out for a cheap meal in a restaurant somewhere as a treat.

It's something I notice about everyone, although sometimes I do put my elbows on the table.

don't recall anyone ever teaching me, and for years i held my fork like a shovel --



eventually i figured it out from watching how others dined...

R(getting good with chopsticks now)P

For shame!

Tsar(I'm reporting you to the UN Commission on Human Table Etiquette Crimes)Stepan

And like RP, I don't remember anyone particularly teaching me the ins and outs of table manners. It might have been one of my older sisters to teach me how to properly set up a table setting. Which forks go where, which spoons are for what, etc....

But growing up (even in elementary school), I loved going to big people style restaurants more then the likes of say McDonalds which my older sisters often clamored to go to while we were with our father on his weekend visits.

"Shovelling" one's food is a big no-no. It is acceptable to tip one's soup plate to get at the last of the soup, but you tip it away from you. You always ply your spoons or forks by moving them away from yourself, never toward yourself--never "shovel" your food.

Chopsticks are cool, there may be rules of etiquette for using them, but i've never heard of them, and don't worry about it.

Did you also have to chew each mouthful 27 times? We were supposed to, but if you're eating mac and cheese, it disintegrated long before that.

We tipped the bowl away, too, and we also were only allowed to cut one piece of meat at a time (then put down your knife and pick up your fork). It was considered bad manners to cut more than one piece of meat at a time.

And when chewing, your fork was on your plate.

And how about when you're done - fork and knife together. Apart signals you want more. Not that there was ever more, but hey, it's the rules.

And then you had to ask to be excused from the table.

the only chopstick rule i'm aware of is you use the non-pointy ends to serve yourself from a common dish,
and then turn 'em around to eat...

I think the other rule of chopsticks is not to stab your table mate if they're going for the last dumpling. Oh... and no sword (chopstick) fighting either.

Yeah, cut a piece of meat, then put down your knife (on the side of your plate, of course). Then there's the thing that, apparently, drives the Yer-a-peein's nuts. As an American, i hold the knife in my right hand and the fork in my left hand to cut the meat. Then i put down the knife, switch the fork to my right hand, and pick up the piece of meat. People in Europe will just stare at you, so i try to emphasize it, just in case it pisses them off.

I thought I liked good table manners - but yours is way over board.

I was taught good table manners at home. More so that dinner would be pleasant (no chewing with mouth open; loud chomping noises) rather than every little detail. And also so I wouldn't be an embarassment when we went out on the rare occassion to eat.

I'd say 2 of my brothers rebelled and they have horrible table manners now.

I was an only child and the subject of table etiquette was taught to me when I was very young. Like putting your knife and fork together in the middle of the plate when you have finished your meal and leaving your napkin at the side of the plate. Growing up I would have dinner at a friends house and his parents would allow us to eat in the living room while watching TV, not in my parents house, you ate at the table.

Well, that's just the way we were brought up. Doesn't mean I do that now I don't sip my soup on the side of my spoon, for example. But I know I should We also had to sit straight in our chairs. Ay ay ay, lotsa rules!

I had never heard that, but it makes sense. There was a Chinese restaurant a friend of mine patronized in Florida, and these folks were the real McCoy. Only the manager/cashier spoke English, and that not too well. My friend was a favorite customer of theirs, so we would go in, be seated and then wait. We didn't order, they would bring us what they thought we should have--which was usually what they had made for their own dinner. There were large size chopsticks or large size Chinese-style spoons in the serving bowls. They had no knives or forks, and they wouldn't have been able to help you if you had asked for them.

A crowd of adolescent girls would serve us, then stand there to watch us eat. They thought we were the funniest thing they had recently seen. They would giggle at us until the manager shooed them away. (Of course, being polite Chinese girsl, they covered their mouths when they laughed.)

. . .

not just in Europe

My parents thought table manners were bourgeois.

They didn't teach me and they didn't really have any to speak of.

I wanted to know, though, and my maternal grandmother taught me a lot. (How to set the table, etc.)

I learned the next level when I lived in England, and they had very specific ways of eating, there. I've kept the tendency to leave the fork in my left hand and the knife in my right -- just makes more sense than switching back and forth.

My daughter recently took an etiquette class (to keep a friend company -- the friend was being forced to go and was miserable, sozlet wanted to go and loved it) and she learned a bunch of things I had no idea about, like what to do with your napkins at various times, what placement of the knife means (when you're just putting it down, when you're done, blade-in is polite, blade-out is impolite), etc., etc.

Blade forcefully in another person's back is really really really impolite. Or so I hear....

Several people.

Mother at times was able to convey and teach, other times she was a child herself and would be gnawing on a hand held lamb chop. I never knew what to expect from her.

Jerome and Irene were good at it. Jerome more so than Irene. He told me early on to watch and follow what he was doing with the utensils, glass, napkin, etc. With me and their grandchildren, an error meant being sent from the table to the next room to sit on a straight back chair- silently. This was Jerome's method, Irene would usually sigh and shake her head.

The locals (aunt and uncle in one place, grandmother in another) were sending opposing signals. The aunt was fanatical, and you did not wish to make a mistake in her presence, my uncle was strict but would allow some leeway, followed after cleanup by a lecture.

My grandmother didn't go for heavy etiquette- she knew the basics and was good in public settings but in her home meals were consumed by balancing a plate on the lap as her table was piled high with things. The glass or cup with a beverage was place on the floor. Often her cat would come by and take a sniff of the beverage.


My recently deceased brother went through phases. The first involved swatting the back of my head each time I made a mistake. Another was a school project for him (he was in college by then) and he observed and made notes which he then read to me while telling me what I had done wrong and how to correct it. I learned quickly in his third attempt when he used the reward system and gave me a whole quarter if I got through a meal with out messing up.

I know the basics to this day, including how to cut the flesh off a chicken and to do so neatly. I follow the rules in public settings and with people who I am not as familiar with. If it's someone I am comfortable with, formality usually goes towards the window although rarely exits entirely.

So, like, Tsar, we can't eat chinese together, can we...