When and who taught you table etiquette when you were a child?

Stet.

I learned basic table manners at home, we went out to eat regularly, didn't matter if it was a diner or a nice restaurant. We sat and didn't get up and roam around the table, elbows off the table etc.

As a kid, I found, can't remember, Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt's book of etiquette, one or the other, and devoured it.

Now I know what to do if I ever run into the Pope.

ask him to remove his hat at the table?

You and ehBeth and galumph are near a decade or a decade and a half younger than I am.

Just saying.

Oh God....no hats on men, indoors.....EVER.

Except a yarmulke

I doubt it is me that makes you insecure.

That was something else i learned as a child. Nobody seems to know it now. In the Army, they did teach the recruits to uncover when under cover, or in the presence of a lady. (Some even argued about it, not understanding that every woman is assumed to be a lady.)

I just cringe when i see some joker who is otherwise attired in clean clothing, but who is wearing a greasy baseball cap. I would never wear something like that. I've told cops to take their hats off when they were indoors. They really don't like that.

Even worse, we'll be out eating, and some guy will be there really dressed up, wearing an expensive stetson.

It ruins the whole appearance when he doesn't know enough to take it off when indoors.

This is what happens when you don't take off your friggin hat.

This is not a useful argument, Set.

I'm not here to argue, asshole.

Just to slime?

You're the one who is making this a f*cking drama-fest. Go sober up, for a change.

You're the one who hated my account of my etiquette history.

I'm fairly tired of your repeated thrusts about my being drunk, which I figure have to do with your own past.

What are you, four years old?

I'm sure Tsar is grateful for your contribution to this thread.

You think he'll like yours?
My contribution was to spend time to work up my sense of my history on this subject.

You, in the meantime, went all katywampus about my experience with a woman in a filmy gown talking about manners in the fifties.

We didn't know there was such a thing as "table manners." We grew up in a very poor family, and we ate most times with chopsticks.

I guess we learn table manners from watching others, and try not to be the first or last one eating at the table.

I've had much experience eating at fancy restaurants where they either have enough silverware for the whole meal, or the waiter places another fork or spoon as needed.

But I enjoy casual meals the most where "rules" are relaxed for all to enjoy.

Another couple and my wife and I are planning to have dinner at the French Laundry early next year. We thought it would be a good once-in-a-lifetime experience.

I'm sort of mixed on the place as I might die of preciousness, but, CI, I will be avid to hear what you experience,

I remember going to the UK when I was 12 yrs old. My father had an Aunt who lived in a very posh part of London and we were staying the night. My mom was terrified that we'd slip up and prove the Irish/Canadians were heathens... We had learned proper table manners from the knee up. No TV, no radio, don't talk with your mouth full, use the cutlery properly, don't raise your voice, no elbows on the table.. and so on. By the time we arrived in England, my mother had drilled into our heads all the other stuff that was expected of us. The weirdest bit of etiquette was that the 'polite' Brit always leave a bit of food on the plate. We were flabbergasted. As kids, the rule had always been only take what you'll eat, eat what you take. In other words, a paradigm shift.
Another rule was never snack before you eat a meal.. We arrived in country and drove and Great Aunts in a half starved comatose state. All seven of us were lead to a gorgeous dining room. A light consume was served first, followed by a tiny tossed salad and then the main course. A thin slice of ham, two grape tomatoes, two equally sized potatoes and half an egg. The sweat inducing decision became what to leave on the plate and how much.
Since this was our first stop on the trip us kids thought we would die of starvation, but we did our mama proud.

I was taught table manners by my mom who instilled them in me from my earliest memory. I think she had the whole lace curtain Irish - 'we have to show these people we weren't raised in a barn and have manners'- thing going on for several reasons:
a) she grew up in a state orphan's home
b) we were transplanted southerners living right outside of New York city because my Dad had come up in the world through his job and I think she always felt a little unsure of her status of belonging there, although when I looked at her in comparison to other mothers, she had and still has a sort of natural and understated refinement and gentility about her.
c) We were the only family with six kids in the neighborhood - everyone else seemed to have a much quieter and more manageable two or three.

She loved to cook, was a good cook and we had a family dinner every night complete with bread, salad and dessert so I learned to set a table correctly very early on. No elbows on the table...no reaching across people for food - it had to be, 'Please pass the so and so'. That's about it.

We were allowed to laugh and talk as long as it didn't get silly - which it did sometimes, but it's not like there were harsh consequences if someone laughed til milk came out their nose, which also happened sometimes.

We didn't go out to eat that often - usually only when my Dad had to work on a Saturday and we'd go to the zoo in the city and then meet him for dinner in Chinatown or something- but I never remember any big scenes having to do with kids not remembering their manners, so I think we probably did alright.
I also do remember that if we asked to pick up our pork chop or drink from our soup bowl, it was usually okay. We just had to ask. I bet they would have said no if there was company there or if we were eating out - but come to think of it, I'd never have ordered pork chops or soup at a restaurant, so it probably never came up.

Here in England, I know the correct way to set the table, with the dessert spoon across the top of the plate, and I do it when I have English people over for dinner, but when it's just my family, I do it the way I was taught.

I still eat the American way I was taught with the napkin in my lap and my left hand in my lap except when I'm cutting something with my knife, which then rests on the edge of my plate when I'm eating with my fork and until I have to pick it up again to cut something.
This is different from English people as I do not hold my fork upside down (to me) and scrape food onto it with my knife which remains constantly in my left hand whether I'm using it or not .
I've often wondered if the queen sits clutching her fork and knife throughout the whole meal the way her subjects do. It looks strange to my eye, and a little crude actually, but I understand that that's a cultural thing as by the same token, I've been told by English people that Americans don't know how to use a fork or knife, although I feel that I do a very competent job of transferring food from my plate to my mouth without holding my fork upside down and clutching a knife throughout the entire meal.

My kids are more bicultural in this respect. I've observed that both of them can swing either way - I ask them not to clutch the fork and knife throughout the whole meal when they're eating with me- but I see them do it when they aren't actually at the table with me and are eating on their own. I don't say anything. It doesn't bother me that much.
I get the whole, 'When in Rome...' thing and agree with it, but I just feel I'd look like an incompetent and drop a whole heck of alot of food if I started trying to eat off the back of my fork at this point.

But I just thought about it and have to say that I also can't say because I haven't even noticed if my children put their elbows on the table. That's always the rule I had the hardest time following.
The one thing I do notice and comment upon is slurpage. I can't stand it when people slurp their food.
Bottom line is, I don't really even notice what someone else is doing or not doing at the table unless it's absolutely glaringly crude and rude - like talking with their mouth full and spitting food or slurping.

At the end of the meal, at home, I was taught to help clear the table. I still do it and I taught my children to do it. There are no servants to do it for them and I don't expect them to sit there and wait as if they think there are.