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Sun 10 Jun, 2012 01:51 pm
PARAPROSDOKIANS
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.. But it's still on my list.
3.. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23.. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Amen
Do you have any favorites that you'd like to share?
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If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
@Phoenix32890,
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
(Groucho.)
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
If at first you don't succeed, give it up.
You're obviously doing something wrong.
A bird in the hand can be an awful mess.
If they don't want to come, how are you gonna stop them?
Yogi Berra
To every complex problem there is a simple solution --
and it's wrong.
If at first you don't succeed, give up!
Mental illness is inherited. You get it from your children.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
All work and no play makes jack. (Alfred Hitchcock)
Mary had a little lamb, (and the doctor fainted).
Where there's a will, there's relatives.
“I've had a wonderful night – unfortunately, this wasn't it."
@Phoenix32890,
You're a unique individual, just like everyone else.
Two's company, three's.....the Musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.
If all the girls attending the Yale prom were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be at all surprised.
~Dorothy Parker
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila
When all else fails,
read the instructions.
@George,
An old one that used to adorn a bathroom wall -
Jesus saves, but Orr scores on the rebound.
@Phoenix32890,
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Stumble It!
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