New religious out looks

So I know that this could turn into a topic of much heated debate. Which I would strongly prefer it not to do. I am not looking for debate, nor am I looking to be swayed from one view to another. I am only looking for information, a name to what I am feeling and perhaps like minded individuals and why they feel the same way.

I will first start off with some back ground information on myself. I was never really raised extremely or even moderately religious. My parents told me about chirst and what he had done for the world and all that. They always encouraged me and my sister in our ideas and had us be our own thinkers. if there was a VBS coming up and we wanted to go, then they saw to it that we went. We never attended church as a family, nor did we have a church we went to like some people on important religious holidays (i.e. chirstmas, easter, pass over things of that nature). My parents were of the mentality that they were forced to go to church as children and that their belief in or not in God was enough. They did not like the fact that you had to dress up to practice what you believed and didn't enjoy others for looking down on those who didn't meet the standards set by the church in appearance and or income.

So fast forward a decade I am in my teens and friends get me into going to church. i become a believer and do my best to follow the ways of a good christian. It is a very hard thing to do for a boy with hormones and wants, and desires to do. But I did my best. I went off to basic training went to college for a while came back, still trying to be strong in my thoughts and beliefs. I become involved in the churches youth group and did my best to help mentor those who looked up to me.

Now fast forward once again. I have been to war twice. I have seen people do things in the name of a god. I have done things that I never thought i would have to do. I have, unknowingly, taken the life of a child who was held hostage by a man threatening to blow up my convoy from inside a shack on the side of the road. I have sat and watched my father become the shell of the man he once was. I have watched his joking loving mind be twisted into in man who see everyone against him and have anger for no reason by a disease that no one seems to know how to really fix. I have watched my friends slowly slip away from other diseases as well.

Now I sit back and I think upon what I was taught in church, about a god that loved us so much that he sent his only son to die for us. About a god that loves us so much that he lets us fight and kill one another. About a god that loves us so much that he lets the human body be riddles with incurable diseases or at least does not give man the knowledge to figure out how to cure said diseases.

I think about how the bible says the world only started some 2000 thousand years ago, but then there is science that shows that the world has a foundation created far further back in history, some 3.5 BILLION years.

My thinking has changed, my thought process warped. I am of the mindset that there is still a god. But that that god simple pushed a button, caused the creation of everything we know, and walked way, only to view us from afar and throw things in the mix when ever it strikes his fancy.

Where do i fall? What is this thought pattern categorized as?