I'm Shocked, Stunned, and Dismayed

Gone! Gone! All of them gone or going.....where's the Jolly Green Giant?

Oh, don't tell me......are we going to find nothing but peas in our Christmas stockings this year? Is Nessie going to do her record in a red suit and forget about the sleigh and reindeer while signing autographs? Has Santa turned into an egg-laying rabbit? Will we find thousands of colored eggs laying around outside at our Labor Day barbecue????

When will the loss and confusion stop?

I'm sooooooooooooooooo depressed......

Due to global warming, Santa had to team up with Nessie in order to make deliveries by sea.

The tooth fairy is alive and well--I just know it.

The Easter bunny prefers to be called Harvey. Now that he is over six feet tall, he also insists on being called a rabbit, not a bunny.

This information is from reliable, but unnamed, sources.

Well, I've got it on good authority that Champ pitched a hissy fit when he found out what Nessie is up to. Distant cousins, but still blood relatives. You'd think Nessie would share a bit of the limelight. But no. Not her. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Okay, here is the good news, edited by Santa himself:

A web guide to the very much alive Father Christmas