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When is it socially acceptable to hit a woman?

 
 
cjhsa
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:28 pm
I would have to disagree with you there Craven. And I meant "too", a typo.
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:29 pm
Odd, I find it perfectly reasonable for someone (remember the law in that case don't not apply only to women) to have control over what happens to their body, despite what decisions they had previously made about it.
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drom et reve
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:30 pm
cjhsa wrote:
In the U.S. if a female says "No", and you don't stop, even if she said "Yes" before, and you're busy doing what mammals do, then you are guilty of rape.




I agree with Craven; the scenario above is the way it should be. If the woman change her mind, then the previous yes does not- or should not- signify acceptance. Arguing that it does is callow and beyond sense.

To think that it took until 1990 (R v R) for rape within marriage to be a crime in this country. Equity indeed!
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cjhsa
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:31 pm
I just don't see how it can be called rape when they were consenting parties to begin with. Assault perhaps, but not rape.
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kickycan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:36 pm
Craven, that would depend on how much time has passed betweent the "yes" and the "no" . . . wouldn't it?

Wow, it's interesting to hear the ways different societies react to this. I didn't even expect that they'd have such chauvinistic laws in Australia and Europe. Is it just the way the law is, or do you feel that it is the way the society in general views women?
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kickycan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:38 pm
Rape within marriage? What's the penalty for that? I hope it's not the same as rape outside of marriage. And how the hell would somebody prove that?
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cjhsa
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:45 pm
I really disagree with the change of mind thing, unless there is a specific change of behavior by the person who's still into it. It makes it into too much of a "she said he said" kind of accusation that can be thrown around way too easily.
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dlowan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:48 pm
dròm_et_rêve wrote:
Good; although it should never have happened. Has anyone actually heeded the protests? It's dangerous that this kind of person is deciding Justice. It's the same over here; a female perpetrator of a crime would be treated as if she were more perverse than a male doing exactly the same thing, because of stupid prejudices and ideals of femininity and maternal instincts entrenched in some people's ways of thinking.




That is a mouthful!

It was an interesting thing - you see, if you know anything about justice, at least over here, you know that judges often say the most appalling and outrageous things. Not sure if your judges are more enlightened? I have heard things coming out of judicial mouths, on and off the bench, that have made my hair curl - about all sorts of things.

The actual judge in this case was not such a bad old stick, generally - the comment caused a huge storm, and DID lead to some sort of educative process for judges in matters of rape and child sexual abuse (I was discussing that subject with a friend's dad once, who happened to be a Supreme Court judge in New South Wales, and I nearly hit the floor when he told me with great seriousness how terribly seductive little girls were in their behaviour, and what sympathy he had for the offenders - his personal life in this regard was, I believe, far from spotless) Aboriginal culture etc etc. I doubt the ones who could have learned something listened, though. Generally, however, our judiciary, raised as they generally are in bastions of wealth and power and privilege are far from thoughtful about such matters - although this is changing slowly - and a lot of judges are really great people.

Your point about less tolerance for women who offend is interesting. Many years ago, when I worked in Corrections, a group of us formed the same hypothesis, after many long hours of sitting in court hearing sentencing going on.

Our thought was that women probably get treated more leniently for "girly" crimes - like first offence shop-lifting (and I have known police to be more lenient - they once let a client of mine off when she got stuck in the window of a house she and her male friends were breaking into, cos she was eight months pregnant - they just threw up their hands and let her go!) - however, our impression was that there was, indeed, a reaction of disgust and "she's a monster" for non-girly crimes, or violent ones.

We looked up research, and found a large study from the USA which found that women did indeed receive harsher punishment for "male" type crimes (assault, break and enter, armed robbery sort of things) than males did, and if they continued with offending beyond "girly" limits.

I have no idea if this might still be true - this was 20 and more years ago. Our women's prison then was like a sort of small, rough, repressed boarding school - when I did a therapy project there for women who had suffered sexual abuse as children (almost all of them, but finding ones settled enough to do any work on it was the problem!) a few years ago, when working for a rape and sexual assault service, it was a much larger, violent hell-hole, full of seriously violent women with HUGE mental health problems. Maybe the system is used to very naughty indeed women now?

For what it is worth, the same punishment has differentially devastating effects for women. Fellas generally have a woman at home to look after the home, the kids, the belongings etc. Women generally lose their home, their stuff, and their kids. This differential impact is not intended by the judiciary - it is an artifact of continuing social realities.
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Craven de Kere
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 03:49 pm
The "he said she said" can also apply to a case like murder as well. In a log cabin there are three people, one is killed. The remaining two dispute which of them did it.

By your reasoning this is a case in which murder should be legal to avoid the "he said/she said".

The difficulty in determining what actually happened has no bearing on the validity of the law.

Sexual crimes, by their nature, have the greatest tendency towards "he said vs. she said."

It should not matter a whit what motivations someone has for changing their mind. It's their body and they have a right to refuse sex whenever they want and for whatever reasons.

Sure, because of the nature of sex crimes false accusation is possible.

But that has no bearing on whether or not the law is valid, just whether or not individual cases are.
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margo
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:07 pm
farmerman wrote:
agghhh sorry roberta... theres too damn many cat avatars. Yours is a cutie though



Aaarrrggghhh!! Are you saying MY avatar isn't cute????
You.... YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Come outside and fight! C'mon - I'll scratch your eyes out!




Twisted Evil
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blueveinedthrobber
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:15 pm
kickycan wrote:

Bi polar--Funny AND offensive! Nice!


Thanks, I try to be versatile....but I have to keep my voice down or squinney will smack me around Embarrassed
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farmerman
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:19 pm
oy. ga vold
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kickycan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:26 pm
I'm still wondering how this rape within a marriage thing works.
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OCCOM BILL
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:28 pm
The only thing the guy on the train did wrong is, like farmerman pointed out, not report it. The fact that he didn't get hit again is evidence no self defense measures were necessary. The answer to the title question is NEVER.
I once dated a girl who in a fit of rage once punched me in the mouth. I knitted my eyebrows together and asked her "do you feel any better?' She said "no", and hit me againÂ… I asked "how about now?" After striking me 5 times (bloodying my nose and lip in two places) she screamed "why won't you hit me back?" I put my fist through the nearest wall and casually explained that if I did hit her; I would hurt her. I am a capable man and I take pride in the fact I was capable of NOT hitting back. I believe she felt far worse for her actions precisely because I didn't reciprocate. That was 2 years into a 7 year relationship. It had never happened before and it never happened again.
This is one area where double standards are appropriate. If a man strikes me; he better knock me out or I will knock him out. But never, under any circumstances, should a man strike a woman.
As for the marriage and sex examples; I find it disgusting that anyone would think a woman doesn't have the right to change her mind, at any point in time. Forced sex is rape. Period.
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cjhsa
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:29 pm
Based on todays forensic technology, the three people in the cabin thing is a bad example. Too easy to figure out the truth.

In the case of a changing mind, that is much more difficult.
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OCCOM BILL
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:36 pm
cjhsa, that difficulty is irrelevant. It is a barbaric act whether it can be proven or not. You need only consider you mother, sister, wife or daughter to know the truth of this.
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kickycan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:36 pm
Forced sex is rape, but aren't there degrees here? I mean if you are married, and your wife doesn't feel like it one night, and you just gently do your business once she's too tired to argue about it, is that the same as grabbing a random woman in an alley and forcing her? Shouldn't there be degrees?

In the second example I would say the punishment should be very severe, but in the first one, I don't know . . . maybe a slap on the peepee?
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kickycan
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:38 pm
Bill,

"This is one area where double standards are appropriate. If a man strikes me; he better knock me out or I will knock him out. But never, under any circumstances, should a man strike a woman."

What if the guy's a midget?
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OCCOM BILL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:40 pm
No kickycan, there is no difference. No means No. Think long and hard about it; until you can see the inherent wrongness of believing you have a right to take over someone else's free will, under any circumstances.
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OCCOM BILL
 
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Reply Fri 16 Jan, 2004 04:42 pm
I don't see myself hitting anyone considerably weaker than myself kickycan.
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