'The Secret Lives of Clams'

I will give you a clam for the poem, jjorge.

A bearded clam walks into a bar...

Bearded clam walks into a bar,
avoids snack table, asks for a sidecar.

Bartender asks clam
"brandy or cognac, ma'am?"

Brandy, on the rocks,
said the clam at the docks.

Pass the plankton please,
don't ask for my keys.

(Well, that needs work...)

'...Pass the plankton please,
don't ask for my keys...'

LOL!

Clem clam then went to the bar in the cellar
(apropos don't you think, for a bottom-dweller?)

"How would you like some nice wet sand?"
said the basement barman, "We'll give you a hand,

you can slip under it, and still hear the band,
We do our best for such handsome clams!

and we know all about your preferences here,
so no bar gull will pester to buy her a beer,

but sultry mollusks will prance on our stage
and they'll make you feel that you're half of your age

and later, dear clam, when you're feeling real fine
we'll prepare you the finest steam bath in white wine

with our VIP treatment, by the end of the night
you'll relax, and 'open up' -no longer uptight!"

these words meant to sooth, had a different effect
our clam felt a tingle the whole length of his neck

He suddenly experienced a strong urge to run
he forgot about mollusks, and booze and fun,

of course he couldn't put a finger on 'it'
but a now -intense fear filled his stomach pit...

[sorry folks to interrupt your fun, but that, alas, concludes chapter one]

egads, you're great at this..

hilarious.

(((blushing)))

It was a good start. I got no further than the first line, but I thought that might be a joke in itself, though not a very good one. Bearded clam is the name of a drink according to google.

And I have a great bridge for you to buy in Brooklyn.

"only one?!!" (jjorge exclamed)

@Cyracuz:

1.
Deterred, at first, by a clam with a 'beard',
I gradually changed my mind
after I had been thoroughly beered
and had drunk three glasses of wine!

but it wasn't the first hair I'd tasted
(the whole story at another time!)
Dos Equis had gotten me wasted
then too, and hair-and-all, it was fine!

2.
Her business clothes seemed out of place
though they were of an elegant kind,
and I savor the memory of her good taste
-I'm sure it was better than mine,

with this ditty, I'm skirting ex-rated
-perhaps now I've crossed the line-
but her suit as she lay on the bed
was the furthest thing from my mind.

An oyster feller named Rock
once wore a coat of deep green.
He buttered his cloak of parsley,
and set off to New Orleans..

Next he swam to the French Quarter -
to his surprise his bedecked self
turned out to be a restaurant's order,
and his cook a man of wealth.

@ osso
Bravo!

PS you're making me hungry!

I suppose I'd improve if I didn't write faux poems during the minutes allowed for editing. I guess I'm drawn to the spontaneous play aspect.

The banter is great fun!

It was a joke in itself, liked it.

A bearded clam walked into a bar
Hey
Said the bartender
We have a drink named after you.
Really?
Said the clam
Wow.
Why don't I make you one?
Said the bartender

The clam blushed.
On the house
Said the bartender

That's so kind
Said the clam
Thank you
Bartender! Make me a Boris!
Said the clam bravely.

Hah!, and neat writing.

I think I'll take a hirsute clam over a Boris!