just a thought, PQ...
I think you are bored.
mebbe it is time to think about what the end goal is for someone with your gifts and abilities.
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Well, ok, but for me this is mainly word games. I never felt addicted, although when I first got into it I was a keen bean - someone else asked; yes, I did used to spend time awake at night thinking about taking drugs - I think it was more to do with my social scene, that's just what we did on the weekends, like other people drink. But yeah, I suppose you could say I was addicted in a certain sense, i certainly craved the catharsis, would feel a build up and let it all out.
I hear that - it's the same way for a lot of people. Alcohol and drugs serve as the release of tension and stress, in a friendly atmosphere.
Quote:What do you mean some people never get that back?
Constant MDMA use floods your brain with dopamine. Cocaine prevents that dopamine from efficiently being cycled out of the brain. Over time, your brain becomes accustomed to the elevated levels that you are pumping through it; it becomes the 'new normal.' This is part of the reason why it's addictive and 'feels like a catharsis' when you took it. It's like returning to normal.
MDMA especially can lead to a feeling of andhedonia - an inability to feel 'good' or 'euphoric' about things which would normally make you happy or excited. You literally can't enjoy the rest of your life the way you used to. This damage may or may not be permanent; some hardcore users have reported these problems for years afterward. Some people recover pretty quickly. It seems like you have recovered somewhat.
You are quite lucky; I know folks from college who were into the party scene who never got better and are now clinically depressed. Every one of them blames their abuse of MDMA and coke.
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Regarding the alcohol - you stated that you 'would get smashed 2-4 times a week.' That's the frequency and use patterns of an alcoholic. I can understand that next to the other drugs, it doesn't seem like a big deal; and I went through a heavy drinking phase myself in college, like a lot of kids do. It's potentially worse for you in the long run than the drugs.
Please understand that there's no judgment here; I know too many great people who have struggled with drug abuse, and I myself have struggled with it. But admitting to yourself the full extent of the problem is critical to overcoming the problem. I'm heartened that you feel that you won't slip back into the old scene when you return to England; please keep that thought in your head, because it's really important that you don't!
Cycloptichorn
Thank you.
