@ossobuco,
HILARIOUS! My recent story, goddammit: For some ******* reason I cannot apprehend, my ******* phone dials people randomly. I mean, I know I have a hand in this, but I cannot figure out how to stop it. In this friggin day and time, I am forced to answer ******* questions from hated, hated entities on the phone by pressing numbers:
Press 1 if you speak english
Press 2 if you think you speak english...
Press 3 if you are an english speaking lesbian
So, I have to press all kinds of numbers while I'm already on the effing phone, and whenever this happens...(I'm laughing right now)...the ******* phone invariably calls my son's girlfriend, Beth, at work. I know this is somehow connected to speed dial, but why Beth?? Every time.
It's HUMILIATING!!!
I don't know what to do, so I deleted her from my phone. She and my son are upset. Well, SHE'S upset; my son was laughing his ass off about it.
He called today, "Mom. (Laughter in his voice) I have to tell you that Beth has a message from you in her voicemail..."
"Oh hell," says me, knowing I didn't call her and hoping to HELL the message was PG rated, scanning my memory of any button-pushing I'd done on the phone recently...
He said, "You sounded a bit frustrated, and were patiently giving your name and phone number, and then you said, thank you...and after two beats, you yelled, "OH MY GOD!" We passed the phone around at dinner last night. Awesome. You could almost SEE the horror cross your face in those two seconds...
Dammit.