Senior Moments

SENIOR MOMENTS

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said," Mable, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear? "Mable answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,
"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea. Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big poop he always was."
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An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read:
"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"
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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out accidently knocked the casket into the wall. From inside the casket, they could hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lived for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but
I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?