Girlfriend with BDD

Forums: Bdd, Health, Relationships, Love, Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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Hello y'all!

I just need some advice really, my girlfriend has BDD and claims she hates herself. She just wants to be confined to her room to 'not exist' and avoid judgement from others so she cant be compared. She says she's given up on herself.

She needs a confidence boost which I (and others) constantly provide her with but she just rejects it and looks away. She's a very attractive girl but via my own research, I know people who suffer from BDD have a warped perception of themselves and can never be happy with what they look like.

I was just looking for ways I can help her to be honest. I'm a very understanding and caring person but I feel like I'm having this all thrown back in my face due to her disorder and I don't want to give up on her over something she can't help.

She does have other problems which may affect her BDD but I'll share them if needs be.

Oh, she's 18 by the way and I'm 22 and we've been together for nearly 2 months (after being very close to each other since November last year).

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@DarkJohn,

She needs professional help. You can compliment her but it's her thinking patterns that need to change.

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I think to some degree all people experience some degree of BDD. I think at 18, it's very likely that these feelings are very strong, certainly the kinds of media we digest at this age promotes body norms which are can breed exactly this kind of mentality.

I'm not sure what you can do personally other than be supportive, but being supportive is always a part of any relationship. What's there to say? Trust your instincts on this one. I think your best tool is your own empathy.

A
R
T

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@DarkJohn,

you should think long and hard about why you are attracted to her, and why you have stayed so long. She has a lot of problems, she has little to offer you, what do you get out if it? The two most likely answers are A) you dont think you can do any better, and unless there is something seriously wrong with you this is not likely so it points to self esteem problems...which you should get help for. B) is that you need a girl to save and while I wont be like everyone else and tell you that this means you are fucked-up I will tell you that guys who try to do that usually end up losing, and bitter. You might reconsider that investment, doing something else with your life instead.

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I hope she's getting help.
Sounds like she is really depressed.

I know you feel helpless - but guess what? You ARE helpless. There is nothing you can do for her, especially if she is not willing to do the work to get better. Therapy and meds.

In the meantime, you are going to have to decide how much hand-holding you want to do and for how long. She will be very needy and insatiable for attention. Very draining on you.

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She is very young. Isn't this a problem to be worked out between her parents and a doctor? You have no idea what you are dealing with. It's way over your head.

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Please do not listen to anyone that says she is not worth sticking around for.
People with BDD need support but most of all they need. Therapy. Cognitive Therapy is an almost self help technique used by theapists to help the way the person thinks about themselves and their flaws.
BDD is more severe than manic depression and has a far higher sucidal rate. It is not something that you can simply move on from, it is a mental illness and should be treated with as such respect, and if you really like this girl, you'll tell her parents what needs to be done. From the sound of how severe this is, it is no longer a matter of compliments, it's a matter of cure.

http://psychology.iop.kcl.ac.uk/cadat/patients/BDD.aspx

Please don't give up on her and remember that she is more than likely never going to admit to this until she is in therapy.
I hope this helps.

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I'm not just going to give up on her. The bond we've developed together is too strong to just give up on. I'd be breaking up with her for something she cannot help and that's just not fair to do to someone. Like for example, I have a speech impediment which I have no control of and Id be mortified if someone ended it with me just because of that. I am actively seeking help for her and she has promised me she will try her best to be positive about it.

Thanks for all your opinions. Please feel free to continue contributing as I do check this thread daily. Smile

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@DarkJohn,

Your GF needs professional help. You don't have the training to evaluate her or the training to recognize if things get to a point where immediate intervention is required. You need to engage her parents, her teachers, college councilors, any authority figure that can intervene in the situation. You don't want to be at the funeral six months from now thinking that you didn't do enough. You might even be enabling the situation since every time she goes on a rant, you are right by her side throwing compliments, reinforcing the behavior.

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@DarkJohn,

Good luck, and you are going to need it. You have a 99% chance of crash and burn. I am a sucker for lost causes myself, so don't think that I am condemning you....

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I wish you would not give advice to others. You are incapable of looking life
in a positive manner, hawkeye. There are plenty of people out there who love each other and care deeply for each other, in good times, and especially in bad
times. Just because one has an illness or mental disorder, doesn't mean one
should turn their back on them.

From all the years I have read your posts, I have come to the conclusion that
you're the most despicable person there can be.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Quote:

Just because one has an illness or mental disorder, doesn't mean one
should turn their back on them.

They have been together 2 months, and he is in no position to help her. This is a guy who has a need to save women, and that almost always ends badly for the guy.

Quote:

From all the years I have read your posts, I have come to the conclusion that you're the most despicable person there can be.

Considering that I trade in truth rather than morality this comes as no surprise. If the truth offends you then change the truth, shooting the messenger is stupid.

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Girlfriend with BDD

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