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hostility and internet chat

 
 
Reply Sun 12 Oct, 2008 02:38 pm
it seems to me that people chatting on the internet are far more impolite than people in real life. i wonder why? is it simply because they can't be slapt in face? or are they playing out the bad side of a underdog personality they display in real life? what are yor thoughts?
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Khethil
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Oct, 2008 03:20 pm
@backworldman,
backworldman wrote:
... is it simply because they can't be slapt in face?...


I think this is probably more of the reason, if I take your meaning correctly. Within the relative anonymity of the internet, folks tend to show their real selves. Unfortunately, hate finds a way.

Cheers!
0 Replies
 
Pangloss
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Oct, 2008 03:42 pm
@backworldman,
There is no accountability, so the masses have a blank check for issuing ridiculous gossip and insults. If you want to see how low it gets, check out Juicy Campus which thrives on its guarantee of anonymity. People just use it to bring others down and spread rumors. I'ts quite pathetic.
0 Replies
 
William
 
  1  
Reply Sun 12 Oct, 2008 04:12 pm
@backworldman,
I think it is a way of "getting even" for the curve's life has thrown at them. Sad, but there is one good thing about it as far as the internet is concerned.....you can turn them off surf on.

William
Aphoric
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Oct, 2008 12:19 am
@backworldman,
I deal with this issue on the other forum I visit in just about every thread. When I asked people why it was cool to say whatever the only answer I got was "it's the net." Apparently since you're dealing with ideas in the form of text attached to web browsers instead of voices attached to faces it gets all tricky and all of a sudden we forget there are still people connected to those ideas. I think it must have somethin to do with intonation.:detective:

I feel sorry for whoever invented the internet. They had this great idea about connecting people around the world to each other, then it turns out for the most part people aren't worth connecting.
urangutan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Oct, 2008 03:05 am
@Aphoric,
Aphoric, that is the oddest thing to see. Four people have offered opinions and neither have infused an insult, until you say what you want. Sometimes it begins out minor like what you have said and suddenly it escolates. It isn't easy to broach the truth or floss an opinion, while remaining detatched. More often than not, it is our attatchment that is insulting and any reprimand or action in aghast is seen as a strike against the personal.

I like to enjoy the conversations and if tugging is acceptable, then why not enjoy the wrestle. Extremists and fanatics are a case unto themselves and so far they are not knocking down the doors, when they come they will draw out the ire of many. I am hoping that sort of behaviour can enforce a booting, otherwise it simply turns ugly. it is an ugliness that has no value at all, not in reading and in no response.
0 Replies
 
William
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Oct, 2008 09:52 am
@William,
William wrote:
I think it is a way of "getting even" for the curve's life has thrown at them. Sad, but there is one good thing about it as far as the internet is concerned.....you can turn them off and surf on.

William


That response was a little cold. Zig Ziglar, a well know motivational speaker, had a term called "Kicking the Cat". When someone kick's your cat, you have got to find a cat that belongs to someone else and kick it. You know, get even. It's a lot like road rage as people become "titan's" in the safety of their "attack vehicle". Those who "attack" on the internet are those unfortunate among us who have been "rained on" in some way or the other and literally have no voice in the "real world" and the internet is their vehicle in which they can hide behind as they dish out, in total anominity, some of what life has dealt them. Kind of a "sharing" mechanism so they can loosen their load as they unload. What is important is do not give them what the want and that is "anger". When you do, you make their day, but accomplish nothing. When they do let their defenses down and effort to engage in civil dialog is when you can reach them. Many will not allow this to happen and that is sad. You can't patronize them either for that just heightens there anger. Ego's can indeed be vicious as these people have found a niche in life that gives them meaning, unfortunately they are extremely lonely and have good reason to attack.

The difficult part is these young people are extremely smart and many times one cannot communicate on their level. That's always been my problem. Most of the time I don't understand half of what they are talking about. But those of you who can choose your words well if you, like me, understand what creates these "disassociated" souls, and would love to be a friend. Something they don't have and have never had. IMO.

Just my opinion,
William
0 Replies
 
The Mad Physicst
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 01:20 pm
@backworldman,
I think alot of people don't see the internet as a network of people, but more like an interactive book.

Personally, I like to be polite, though sometimes I am a little blunt. I do like to make comments that are a little edgy if I'm looking for a more truthful (maybe even angry) response from people. Their are times when people are not as honest when they are being polite. I don't cuss at them or make degrading comments, though.
Joe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 02:45 pm
@The Mad Physicst,
I remember being 14 on AOL and sometimes when i was bored i would go to chat rooms and pick fights. It was immature, but i rationalized it was ok because i some how felt that detachment. Unfortunately I stopped going to chat rooms because i started to realize i wasn't mature enough to realize that talking to people online was addictive to people who feel that they need to release pent up rage. That was me 8 years ago. sorry. lol. that feels better. closure.
0 Replies
 
Rose phil
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Oct, 2008 06:46 pm
@backworldman,
Funny my daughter and I were just talking about that today at lunch. She is going out with a guy she met on line. Thankfully a very nice guy. But we were talking about how rude some people can get and we wondered what they got out of it. It's not like they can see you upset. I just don't get it.

PS. You haven't been insulted until you have been insulted on Rants N Raves.
Joshy phil
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2008 03:55 pm
@Rose phil,
In all honesty, a lot of people are 'hostile' in real life. However, these are the people you tend to stay away from and don't interact with.
When it comes to using the Internet, most people in More Economically Developed Countries have computers, or at least access to computers. These are almost all people you will have never met before, and so you don't know whether you'll end up falling into a crowd of people who are rude, or demeaning to others.
I personally find it difficult to react well to people who are acting 'hostile'. I only visit one other forum, but it's a place that I've been part of for over 4 years. When I see people being rude, I almost feel that it's my 'duty' to do something about it, without being rude in return, of course. The best solution, I find, is to but it across to them, quite generally, that what they are doing is wrong or at least, you are unhappy about the way they are acting.
I suppose sometimes you don't know whether these are 'full of themselves', sarcastic people genuinely trying to be nasty, or whether it's a child, not understanding what they're doing, or the consequences that their actions are having.

I tend to steer clear of chatrooms, unless it's mainly full of people I know, either in real life, or through the Internet already. Still, IM software, such as MSN and Steam Chat, are often the best way to go, rather than entering chatrooms full of people who might be waiting to take advantage of you.
CarolA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2008 07:25 pm
@Joshy phil,
Joshy wrote:

I suppose sometimes you don't know whether these are 'full of themselves', sarcastic people genuinely trying to be nasty, or whether it's a child, not understanding what they're doing, or the consequences that their actions are having.

I tend to steer clear of chatrooms, unless it's mainly full of people I know, either in real life, or through the Internet already. Still, IM software, such as MSN and Steam Chat, are often the best way to go, rather than entering chatrooms full of people who might be waiting to take advantage of you.


Sometimes I suspect the "nasties" are really rather young and still at the stage of schoolyard taunts. Either that or they don't get to interact with normal adults much, otherwise they would learn not to behave that way. Can you imagine how long you would last in a job acting like that?
0 Replies
 
sarek
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Nov, 2008 02:08 am
@backworldman,
Dutch fora are notorious for impolite and rude behaviour. That's why I don't like to be on them all that often.

I think a major reason is simply that you can't see the other persons face. You don't know if they are friendly or angry or hurt by what you say.
Smilies go only part of the way to solve that problem and misunderstandings are common.

You don't know peoples backgrounds either. Past experiences, good or bad, are a powerful formative influence. Not everyone has the inner strength to turn lemons into lemonade.
Knowing just a little bit more about where someone comes from can go a long way to foster better understanding.
0 Replies
 
OctoberMist
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 Nov, 2008 05:41 am
@backworldman,
LOL!

Online communication has always been this way, since even before the Net existed. Back in the old BBS days, people were actually far, far nastier than they are today. Not even IRC can touch the kind of stuff we used to say back then...

I think this happens for several reasons:

A) Objectification through Anonymity - Since people are largely anonymous on the Net, it is easy to objectify them as merely a screen name / avatar / etc. People become desensitized to the inherent humanity of the person they are dealing with.

B) Good Old-Fashioned Dysfunctionaltity - There are simply a lot of emotionally dysfunctional people in the world. They have difficulty expressing and indentifying their own emotions. When they have an emotional reaction to something they do not understand, or become frustated, their first instinct is to lash out in a rage.

C) Lack of Patience - Let's face: we live in an instant-gratification society. The same applies to communication. On the Net, when people have a encounter that does not suit them in the moment, they often lack the patience to try to work through the problem. Instead, it is far easier to simply write the other person off as a "jerk" and treat them accordingly.
Ennui phil
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Nov, 2008 02:22 am
@backworldman,
backworldman wrote:
it seems to me that people chatting on the internet are far more impolite than people in real life. i wonder why? is it simply because they can't be slapt in face? or are they playing out the bad side of a underdog personality they display in real life? what are yor thoughts?


For Internet justified reasons,amid one whereof is that people chatting is for a trivia purpose,when there is a reprieve from a formal symposium;negotiation,etc.People also uses colloquial vernacular now,which when they are acclimatized to it.

Reputedly,the accentuation of studies had been not accruing or not taken acutely which induces a drawback for speaking mediocre lauguage.

In the past,approximately Shakespeare,Miguel Cervantes' life,they are much more ingenious of thematic assimilation.In this century,people are hectic of making softwares,governing their bussiness rightly,and bestow the intellect a wide berth.
0 Replies
 
Oribe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2009 11:04 am
@backworldman,
With the absence of consequence in our internet gatherings know as forums, there's no need to hold back. We don't have to second guess our words, no need to pondering how it could afflict upon the opposing parties because honestly, those opposing ends only stay in our mind for the moment that we reply to them. Friendships can be made over forums, this is something I do not doubt, however it is a small percentage compared to the rash loudmouths who can finally feel adequate knowing they've successfully "flamed" someone and can claim the last word via leaving the thread without time for a follow-up response to hit them.
Joshy phil
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2009 04:16 pm
@Oribe,
Oribe;87854 wrote:
With the absence of consequence in our internet gatherings know as forums, there's no need to hold back. We don't have to second guess our words, no need to pondering how it could afflict upon the opposing parties because honestly, those opposing ends only stay in our mind for the moment that we reply to them.

Very true. I suppose it all comes down to human interaction and the psychology behind it. I could go on and on about this, as it is something that interests me greatly, but I'll try to keep this post simple and to the point.

When you speak to somebody face to face, you are more 'engaged' with them, both in terms of the conversation itself and also in something more mental; a connection of sorts.
I'm not saying that people aren't rude or demeaning when speaking face to face, but rather they are much more aware of the person/people they are talking to. They are aware of who that person is and the consequences of their actions through speach. I suppose they are more aware that the person/people they are speaking to is/are actually human, just like they are.
It can be very easy, in an online environment such as a forum or chatroom, to forget that everybody has feelings, and can easily be offended or upset by unthoughtful comments.
0 Replies
 
GoshisDead
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2009 07:40 pm
@Rose phil,
The anonymity is certainly a factor, yet I would propose that in most chat situations the primary reason trolls dominate is the lack of social cohesion and general inability of the members of a chat to exclude someone effectively. The reason people don't act like asses in RL is not fear of being smacked in the face, it is fear of being excluded from the group. The anonymity plays into this fear.

Most trolls seem to have a napoleon complex of sorts. In RL they have a group but they are bottom rung etc... they take a lot of crap or rather they suffer through a lot of self imposed crap in order to stay in the groups they have. The anonymity allows these folk to lash out at a group to which the troll doesn't care if s/he belongs.

I've been in chat rooms with regulars so tight that trolls became a non-issue, no one reached out and slapped them. It was unanymous ignore. Just as in this forum, there are trolls but they don't last long for the most part they are just excluded from the group by never allowing them access of membership. A free to join forum is not the same as a free to join group. In this forum as in all other social groups there is a series of tests, rights of passage, hazing, whatver you want to call it before someone is accepted.
0 Replies
 
rhinogrey
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2009 08:07 pm
@backworldman,
Philosophers have been disrespectful of one another since the Ancient days.

Besides when you observe the undercurrents of social dynamics beyond the personas people put on, it is a horrifying show of disrespect.
0 Replies
 
Aedes
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Sep, 2009 08:17 pm
@Oribe,
Oribe;87854 wrote:
With the absence of consequence in our internet gatherings know as forums, there's no need to hold back.
There is one consequence. You don't make the rules of this community or I'd imagine most others you participate in. If you don't hold back, you're gone and quickly forgotten. Goes for me too -- I'm a mod but I don't own the place.

We're here mainly in order to socialize with people who have a shared interest. Socializing requires a conducive environment. And we want this to be a place where people aren't scared off by those who scoff at self-censorship.

Honestly, we shouldn't need rules. But amazingly the rules aren't usually sufficient.
 

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