And more...
A Word To Husbands
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
<so true>
She would, indeed, Cav! As, less importantly, do I.
Gautam said: "Substitute martini with whiskey and you have me"
Deb said, Dottyesquely: "Ah - but do we want you once we do?"
Portrait of the Artist
Oh, lead me to a quiet cell
Where never footfall rankles,
And bar the window passing well,
And gyve my wrists and ankles.
Oh, wrap my eyes with linen fair,
With hempen cord go bind me,
And, of your mercy, leave me there,
Nor tell them where to find me.
Oh, lock the portal as you go,
And see its bolts be double....
Come back in half an hour or so,
And I will be in trouble.
Here is some Ms. Parker as yet unquoted here:
Star Light, Star Bright...
Star, that gives a gracious dole,
What am I to choose?
Oh, will it be a shriven soul,
Or little buckled shoes?
Shall I wish a wedding-ring,
Bright and thin and round,
Or plead you send me covering-
A newly spaded mound?
Gentle beam, shall I implore
Gold, or sailing-ships,
Or beg I hate forevermore
A pair of lying lips?
Swing you low or high away,
Burn you hot or dim;
My only wish I dare not say-
Lest you should grant me him.
Resume
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
The more I read here, the more I want her book - amazon has a waiting list, so will pop into my friendly neighbourhood book store this weekend.....
Pick up an Ogden Nash collection too Gautam, both will keep you laughing for a long time indeed.
The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus
Ogden Nash
In Baltimore there lived a boy.
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.
He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked NO ADMITTANCE.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'
Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.
Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!'
Slunk like a weasel of a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot,
'There isn't any, no there's not!'
The children wept all Christmas eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp-a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'
He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'
'Jabez' replied the angry saint,
'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'
Said Jabez then with impudent vim,
'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'
And suddenly he found he wasn't!
From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
And ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.
All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.
I love her!
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
-Dorothy Parker
The two most beautiful words in the English language are "check enclosed."
He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery. (On sharing space with Robert Benchley while working on Vanity Fair magazine)
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong
And I am Marie of Roumania.
lol!
still - he spake sooth....
brilliant thread - bookmark
Interesting
I never knew who she was, but you have gotten me interested. Thank you so much for that. Her comments are very witty, as you said. I would like to know more about her. Do you have any good sources?
Welcome to A2k Sententia!!!!
There is a good biography - I will be bacjk in a sec with the name. There are also various anthologies.
She also appears in accounts of the Algonquin Round Table - of which she was a member.
Some resources:
Portable Dorothy Parker
by Dorothy Parker, Brendan Gill
Dorothy Parker, What Fresh Hell Is This?
by Marion Meade
Algonquin Wits
by Robert E Drennan
The Poetry and Short Stories of Dorothy Parker (Modern Library)
by Dorothy Parker
Complete Stories of Dorothy Parker
by Dorothy Parker, Colleen Breese (Editor), Mikki Breese (Editor), Regina Barreca (Introduction)
a couple of the many websites:
http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/parker/
http://www.levity.com/corduroy/parker.htm
Google for Dorothy Parker, or the Algonquin Round table ought to net a lot more.
If you wish to buy any books, entering Amazon via the link on the home page here helps support the site...
Wow. Thank you again. I'm going to the library tomorrow so I'm hoping that they'll have something there. Otherwise, I'll have to buy the books...but my mom and dad only want me reading Shakespeare and studying for SATs so I highly doubt they will let me.
