clever sayings

Don't buy it if you don't have the money.

People who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and
after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more
damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character
lines.

 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down

·       I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

·       They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

·       PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

·       Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

·       We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

·       Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

·       Broken pencils are pointless.

·       What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

·       England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

·       I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

·       Velcro — what a rip off!

·       A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

·       Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

·       Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Confucius say Man who has hole in pocket feels cocky all day.

Woman who sits on judge's lap receives honorable discharge.


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