"Balls" said the Queen

Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 08:53 am
If they hadn't stolen them I would be King:
Patented Neuticles For Pets
"They Are Stealing Everything" Says Inventor
Released June 26, 2000
Kansas City, MO - The inventor of testicular implants for pets announced today plans to stop illegal manufacturing and distribution of counterfeit implants.
Gregg Miller, president of CTI Corporation and creator of Neuticles for animals will authorize patent infringement action on several United States companies which have duplicated the product and surgical procedure created by Miller.
"No one on this Earth had ever heard or even dreamed of testicular implants for pets until Neuticles were created" Miller said. "Today we have several small and large companies that are taking full advantage of the Worldwide publicity Neuticles has created and they will be stopped."
Miller said his company trademarked Neuticles and the testicular implant procedure which was awarded US Patent Number 5,8681,140 at a cost exceeding tens of thousands of dollars.
"CTI Corporation is outraged that these companies would profit from our rights and would intentionally break federal laws to do it. We have declared war on these pirate operations and will overcome," he said- indicating losses could exceed millions.
Miller cited a company located in New York which has duplicated Neuticles clear down to advertising copy and printed surgical procedure. Miller said the company sent out thousands of free implants to veterinarians across the country. Another company said they are aware of the Neuticles patents but get around it by not asking what the implant is for.
A company in California which manufactured Neuticles for CTI was discovered producing over runs and selling the product without the companies knowledge.
"They are stealing everything," Miller said.
CTI Corporation investigators have obtained evidence against two companies who until now have produced legitimate human implants only or have supplied silicone parts and related products.
Neuticles are mass produced in multiple sizes for canines, felines and equine in three models: NeuticlesOriginal, NeuticlesNatural and NeuticlesUltra- each boasting varied softness levels and are priced from $30 a pair.
Custom molding is also available to provide a precise replication of the pets testicle. "We produced Neuticles for a prairie dog in Kansas and a water buffalo in Colorado" Miller said.
Neuticles have been implanted in over 39,000 canines and felines in all 50 states and 14 foreign countries with not a single complication and insures each pet up to $1 million in the unlikely event of a complication.
In addition to planned legal action CTI plans extensive advertising and press releases in veterinary trade publications warning veterinarians of patent rights and certain risks if an illegal implant is used.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,316 • Replies: 10
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Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 09:03 am
Why in the name of all that is, or is not, holy, would people have fake testicles implanted in their pets????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 11:49 am
That what I said. Why? If its for experiments to further knowlege for human use, I say leave the animals alone. What other purpose would there be?
This inventor needs to get a life.
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Joe Nation
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 12:00 pm
Maybe Slappy would like a pair of those equine ones.....
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Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 06:12 pm
Did you know that these neuticles are most popular in Texas? Joe Nation, maybe Dubya would appreciate a pair to add further adornment to his famous flight suit.

Other than that, anyone who would buy a pair of neuticles for his pet is an anthropomorphic idiot with a serious problem that could only be solved by Dr. Ruth.
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Joe Nation
Reply Fri 31 Oct, 2003 06:21 pm
Further adornment, from the pictures I've seen, would cause him to fall over forward flat on his face.......

Hmmm. Collection for a gift certificate anyone?

In the horse world, adding such adornments might be considered fraud. A buyer would expect all the visible parts to operate. Shocked
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Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 04:04 pm
A long time ago, my friend took her cat to the vet for neutering. He told her that other (male) cats would look and, if they didn't see testicles, provoke a fight with him. He said cats think a male with none is weird, and they want to chase him away.

So the vet gave her cat a vasectomy. I suppose this would serve the same purpose...
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Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 04:10 pm
A buyer would expect all the visible parts to operate.

Anybody who'd buy a car without driving it first is a fool. Same goes for horse balls.

(Seriously, there are other reasons that a stud might be a dud, bud.)
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Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 04:48 pm
But at least he would look studly. :wink:
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Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 04:50 pm
I think there's another organ involved in a horse's masculine impressiveness...
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Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 05:48 pm
Somehow I just knew this was going to be a California thing. Laughing

Next thing we know they'll be silicone implants for female dogs to make them look like they are nursing.
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