When you’re the trustee and no one trusts you (aka family drama over money)

Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 11:04 am
My husband was designated as trustees and power of attorney for his grandparents. This was done several years ago when they were of sound mind and body. No one knew until recently as his grandmom didn’t want anyone in the family to know about it because she didn’t want to be involved in the drama.

Well, the time is now and they are not healthy in mind or body. My husband is caring for their financial situation " they are in assisted living which is extremely expensive as they need much care. They have a good amount of money " not huge, but hopefully enough so they can stay together.

Now his sister is getting her nose into this and has some how convinced his grandparents that my husband is taking their money. This is actually making them physically ill. He has tried to sort this out. I suggested that he give over the power of attorney to the next in line which is either the investment company or lawyer (can’t remember). He doesn’t want to because he wants to make sure they are cared for.

It is so bad now, his grandmother will not speak to him.
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Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 11:16 am
One word: transparency. If he has time, he should make up a detailed report of exactly where the money is going and why. Then he should update it every month and send it to everyone, including his grandparents, whether they understand it or not.
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 11:30 am
Why would the sister do such a thing? Does she want to be POA?
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 12:27 pm
Yeah - hubby is planning on doing something along those lines. He is having the investment guy send them the statements so they can see where the money is.

Unfortunately the grandfather went to the broker, the bank, etc. demanding where all the money is - fortunately these individuals have been only helpful trying to explain things. Poor gramps just gets confused when they try to explain.

Some of it is comical in a sad sort of way - gramps is saying hey what's that kid doing with my money? I asked my husband when was the last time some one refered to you as a kid?
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Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 12:31 pm
I think so. It seems she was on the trust at first maybe as a backup to my husband. But grandmom took her off a few years ago (at least that is my understanding). If I were to take an educated guess considering the little I know about her finances and stuff - is that grandmom did not trust her financial sense. Her grandmother actually either paid for her home or the majority of it.

Grandmother was very sharp and smart as a whip until she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and then more recently with inoperable/treatable cancer.

A little bit of me wonders if granddaugher is trying to get money from them - I would never say to my husband as it is just a wonder.
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 01:07 pm
Hey Linkat

I guess (totally a guess) - it's a bit like a living will.... maybe (I don't know about living wills.... but it sounds like what I'm trying to say)

If hubby has POA - could he instruct a lawyer to be an executor of the instructions/responisbilities that the grandparents gave him. If it's all in black and white with a lawyer rubber stamping... then no-one else should be able to interfere.

So hard for hubby tho - you must remember tho that when they gave their instructions or POA to him - they considered him the best chap to look after their welfare. That's what he must think about and try not to second guess himself.

When money's involved.... it often brings out the worst side of folk - so sad, really shouldn't be that way. Sorry you both are having to go thru that.
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 02:39 pm
Thank you - I spoke with him today about it. And yes, he realizes that his grandparents picked him for a reason. Just unfortunately they are not at their top form and can't always understand that right now. He also had a talk with his grandfather today and tried to work some things out with him that would make them both feel more comfortable about it.

I guess they wanted to write some checks out to give some of their money to church or whose it or whatever. He is worried in their state of mind, they will give out too much and they won't have enough to live in their assisted living situation. And also that they write out some huge check he isn't aware about and then it bounces or other things they need like to pay for the monthly assisted living bounces.

So they determined an amount that is reasonable for them to take out without letting hubby know - for their own independence - but if they take out more to check with him first to ensure there is money available.

At least right now things seem a bit better between him and the grandparents.
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 06:42 pm
Best of luck with that girl.... tough to do - sounds like hubby handled it really well - hope the sister/grandaughter stays out if. They also had a reason for not asking her.

Ahhhhhhhhhh..... family money a?

crying shame

Hope the grampfolks feel better and have their trusted faith in hubby restored. He's working against a mental health interest (bless his grandfolk) - he needs to be firm, compassionate and trust in his beliet to do right by them - and if it starts going diddly do-up.... get a POA laywer to help him - maybe countersignature cheques and what not.

Best wishes Linkat. x
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2009 10:51 am
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