I am not saying that the Jews had to completely give up their way of life and become something else, but they purposefully kept themselves apart for the Christians, which hurt them. It does not matter who is first, it matters who is majority and who is minority. The Jews being the minority were expected to bend the greater amount, they refused to do so, and the resentments between the Jews and the Christians built into the final solution. The Jews are still at it, trying to make a go of a Jewish state, which again has been nothing but trouble. Remaining separate is always perceived as a thumb in the eye to those who are being kept away from. You can blame the majority all you want for intolerance, bigotry and worse, but bad names do not change human nature.
When someone starts a sentence above, "The Jews..." I find it hard to explain myself.
What I think you are saying, I believe, is just that any identified minority must be more aware of the feelings of the majority, to prevent the majority from feeling threatened; their ego, or whatever.
Actually, if you ever went to Israel, you might decide that many Israelis look like a bunch of Hebrew speaking Gentiles. They often do not really have the "look" that many Americans identify as Jewish. My point is that I believe there is no such thing as Jews, even though Jews themselves may want to believe that. There is just a Jewish religion. There are no Jewish genes. Jews, like all denominations of Protestants, or Catholics, for example, prefer oftentimes the social company of their own. You find that clannish, or what? So, everyone might just be clannish.
I think the dirty little secret is that for their very small numbers in the span of human history, the people that subscribe to the Jewish religion seem to do this or that totally disproportionate to their small numbers. Yes, that can make the majority very resentful. Especially when so many in the majority have to be mediocre, if one constructs a bellcurve for humanity.
In other words, Judaism (the religion, not the movie) has a way of instilling oftentimes certain traits that make for a very competitive group. No one likes competition. So, how would "Jews" mingle more with non-Jews, and make the non-Jews feel less negative about this competitive group? Perhaps, young Jewish students should do the homework for all non-Jewish classmates? Joking aside, the reality is that Jews, as an identifiable group, have survived all these millenia because (this is the big secret), some non-Jews in power have found Jews a very valuable resource. Yes, many non-Jews in positions of power trust a Jew, more than their own ("their own" may want the top dog position; not the Jew; he is often content to be the underling, in my opinion).
Lastly, I believe what you have espoused just reflects one version of the "popular culture" that tends to blame the victim. You know, like if certain groups were more industrious, today they would be doing better.