4
   

Country is just another word for...

 
 
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 03:20 am
...bad, just plain bad.

http://www.usatourist.com/photos/inside/countrymusic3b.jpg
Here starts a list of the worst country & western song titles ever.

If you want to zip ahead to the ending goto: http://www.downstream.sk.ca/country.htm
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 7,397 • Replies: 31
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Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 03:24 am
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y " (courtesy of Frank)
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
I Spent My Last Ten Dollars on Birth Control and Beer
I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Dan)
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
Wanna Be A Blue Light Special In The K Mart Of Your Heart
I Wanna Whip Your Cow (courtesy of Charles)
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I Went Out On A Limb and Fell Off the Family Tree (courtesy of Brad)
I Wish I Were A Lesbian
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me) (courtesy of Mick)
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (courtesy of Charles)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You (courtesy of Charles)
If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train (courtesy of Phil)
If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.
If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me! (courtesy of Peter)
If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right (courtesy of Kathy)
If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
I Like Bananas Because They Have No Bones
I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams
I'm Drinkin Christmas Dinner (All Alone This Year) (courtesy of Stephen)
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
I'm In Love With A Capital U
I'm Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I'm Gonna be a Diamond Someday)
I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
I'm So Miserable Without You, it's Almost like Having you Here
I'm Under The Table Over You (courtesy of Buddy)
Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You? (courtesy of Mark)
It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
I've Been Carrying a Torch for You so Long that it's Burned a Great Big Hole in my Heart
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
I've Got a Cowboy In The Saddle, and Another One's Holding My Horse
I've Got the Cob, If You've Got the Corn
I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
It Took a Helluva Man to Take my Anne, but it Sure Didn't Take Him Long
It's Not the High Cost of Living, It's the Cost of Living High
I've Got Those Feed 'Em In The Morning, Change 'Em, Feed 'Em In the Evenin' Blues
I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It'd Strain Our Love
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 03:36 am
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
The Alcohall of Fame
The Bridge Washed Out and I Can't Swim and My Baby's On the Other Side
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
The Old Home Fill 'er Up and Keep On Truckin' Cafe"
The Pint Of No Return.
There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You
They Can Lock Me Up for Lovin' You, but They Can't Keep My Face from Breakin' Out
This Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad
This White Circle on My Finger Means We're Through
Timber... I'm Fallin In Love
Trainwreck Of Emotion
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 03:46 am
I think I hurt myself laughing.....

Even if some of those were just straight-up parodies, there must be just as many sincere ones. Man, I could write me one of those. Might be banned tho.
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 03:49 am
"They May have Repossessd the Furniture, Baby (But You Can Sit on My Face Tonight)"
0 Replies
 
Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 05:05 am
@Mr Stillwater,
Oh, but some of the titles are amusing-- It's the visuals which make for some embarrassment. Is the picture you've posted some multi-cultural Hillbilly Fest? Branson. Hmmm. It's Missour-a. Eeeesh.
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 05:53 am
Most of those "Big HAt" type singers of the last 15 years do suck big. However I like the music and lyrics of Brad PAisley. He writes mostly novelty songs like
"I wanna check you For Ticks"


Country music has always been making fun of itself. The only thing is that some people take the lyrics seriously.

Many of the best guitarists are C&W.
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 06:15 am
Yee-hah BM

"Three chords and a story", what's wrong with that?
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:18 pm
@Cliff Hanger,
Quote:
the picture you've posted


I thought it was San Francisco... you notice that none of the other... performers are actually playing instruments or singing or anything. Those purple shirts... sorta queer, if you get my drift..
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 04:21 pm
Now, when I woke up this morning there were two things of note.
1. A six-pack of ready-to-drink alcopop was missing
2. There was this list of curious song-titles on my PC

Anyone up to supplying the chords? I think I could manage the lyrics..


Quote:
6 Legs of Love (The Ewe-Turn Song)
A 50-Yard Exclusion Zone Won’t Stop Me From Lovin’ You
A 6-Pack, a 12-Gauge and 18 Wheels
Corn. Corn. Corn. Corn. More ******* Corn. **** I Hate This ******* Place
Hush My Mouth Honey, Or I’ll Spit in Your Face
If they dropped the Bomb on Oklahoma (Would Anyone Know?)
If you Had 5 Penises Like Me, You’d Wear Your Glove with Pride
Let’s Carve Our Names Dear, on That Tree Where they Lynched those Negros in ‘38
Lonesome Ewe, I’m Lonesome Too (Gustaf’s Song)
My Love’s A Two-Paper-Bag Girl (In case The Other Falls Off)
Pappy Done Move Us to Ohio, Coz he can’t Spell Arkansas
Pushed my car over the Ravine (With My Mother-in-Law in the Trunk)
Put A Compass In My Heart Jesus, To Find The Way to You
She Calls Herself a Cow-Girl, Tho From the Back its Mostly Girl-Cow
She May Be my Own Half-Sister, Still She Kisses Me Goodnight
She’s a Drinkin’ Cussin’ Fightin’ Pistol-Packin’ Momma From the 2nd Grade
There’s A Rose I Call Delores, But Monsanto Own the Patent
White Lightnin’s & Black-outs
Yes, We have No Bananas, Just Corn, More ******* Corn, and Some Corn
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 08:21 pm
All I Want From You (Is Away)
All My Exes Live In Texas
All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
An Old Flame Can't Hold A Candle To You
Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
Beauty is Only Skin Deep, but Ugly Goes Clean to the Bone (courtesy of Ken)
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Bubba's Inconvenience Store
Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain
Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
Cow Cow Strut
Did I Shave my Legs for This?
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
Don't Make Love To a Country Music Singer
Feelin' Single and Drinkin' Doubles
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Get Off The Stove,Grandma, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance
He's got a Way with Women...and He's Just got Away with Mine
Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
He Went To Sleep and The Hogs Ate Him (Now Claude's Gone Forever)
High Cost of Low Living
Hog Sloppin' Time in the Hollow
Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight?
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 08:43 pm
Originally release as a novelty song by C&W singer Shep Wooley:

http://static.squidoo.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/lens1913142_Purple_People_Eater.jpg1206292692
Quote:
Well I saw the thing coming out of the sky
It had one long horn and one big eye
I commenced to shakin' and I said oo-wee
It looks like a purple people eater to me
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
Sure looks good to me

Well, he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said mr Purple People Eater don't eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn't eat you 'cos you're too tough
It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater
It sure looks strange to me

I said mr Purple People Eater what's your line
He said eating purple people and it sure is fine
But that's not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock 'n roll band
Well, bless my soul rock 'n roll flying' purple people eater
Pigeon-toed under-growed flyin' purple people eater
one-eyed one-horned it was a people eater
What a sight to see

Well, he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
he started to rock really rockin' around
It was a crazy ditty with a swinging tune
Wop bop a lula wop bam boom
one-eyes one-horned flying people eater
Ooh, it sure looks strange to me

Well he went on his way and then what do you know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was a blowin' it out and really knockin' them dead
Playing rock 'n roll music through the horn in his head
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Oct, 2008 09:01 pm
@Mr Stillwater,
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=BalLWc7p7aM&feature=related
Backwards - Rascal Flats

"Backwards"

I was sitting on a bar stool
In a barbecue joint in Tennessee
When this ole boy walked in
And he sat right down next to me
I could tell he'd been through some hard times
There were tear stains on his old shirt
And he said you wanna know what you get
When you play a country song backwards

You get your house back
You get your dog back
You get your best friend Jack back
You get your truck back
You get your hair back
Ya get your first and second wives back
Your front porch swing
Your pretty little thing
Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring
Your get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley
First night in jail with Charlie
Sounds a little crazy, a little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get when you play a country song backwards
Well I never heard it said quite like that
It hit me in the face cause that's where I'm at
I almost fell flat out on the floor
He said wait a minute that's not all theres even more

You get your mind back
Your nerves back
Your first heart attack back
You get your pride back
You get your life back
You get your first real love back
You get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine
You get the pond and the lawn
The bail and the mower
You go back where you don't know her
It sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get
When you play a country song backwards
Oh play that song
Woo!!!

We sat there and shot the bull about how it would be
If we could turn it all around and change this c-r-a-p

You get your house back
You get your dog back
You get your best friend Jack back
You get your truck back
You get your hair back
Ya get your first and second wives back
Your front porch swing
Your pretty little thing
Your bling bling bling and a diamond ring
Your get your farm and the barn and the boat and the Harley
First night in jail with Charlie
You get your mind back
Your nerves back
Your first heart attack back
You get your pride back
You get your life back
You get your first real love back
You get your big screen TV, a DVD and a washing machine
You get the pond and the lawn
The bail and the mower
You go back where you don't know her
It sounds a little crazy a little scattered and absurd
But that's what you get
When you play a country song backwards
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Oct, 2008 07:04 pm
Quote:
Well, there's more to country music
Than the hurtin' side a' life
Like takin' pride in fam'ly
And a good, warm, lovin' wife
There's more to country music
Than to leave somebody cryin'
And the cheatin'
And the lyin'

Now brothers, understand me
I don't put nobody down
'Cause we all know with what you do
Well you're the best around
But as I stand to cheer you
I'll make my feelin's clear:
There's more to country music
Than outlaws and Lone Star beer
Yeah, there's more to country music
Than outlaws and Lone Star beer
0 Replies
 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Oct, 2008 07:28 pm
Quote:
Country Songs for Funeral Service
Country-Western Memorial Service Music Ideas, Lyrics and Artists
© Janienne Jennrich Jan 19, 2008


Quote:
Country music lovers find special comfort at a funeral or memorial in the touching tones and sensitive sweet words of western funeral servicemusic. Funerals services and memorial ceremonies are a healing time when people have a chance to say goodbye to those about whom they care, process their feelings, and make peace with the departing of a special person. To many mourners, the right music is a custom that can help with all these bereavement issues and more.

Feature sweet country music songs in the memorial services of those who found great pleasure in the honesty and love found in country music tunes, such as a father, grandfather, mother, or some other loved one. All of these songs can be downloaded at a small cost on iTunes or other music download sites or purchased on country music albums at stores.

Sweet Country Songs for a Child's Funeral Service
As tragic as a child's early departing is, lovely and sweet music at the memorial can help comfort loved ones and give family and friends time for reflection and closure. Here are some country music ideas for a young person's funeral service.

You Raise Me Up - An absolutely beautiful song, performed by Josh Groban. (Sample lyrics - ("You raise up so I can stand on mountains, you raise me up to walk on stormy seas, I am strong when I am on your shoulders, you raise me up to more than can be.")
I Will Take You Home - performed by the Grateful Dead. From the point of view of a father for a daughter. (Sample lyrics - Your daddy’s here and never will forget you, I will take you home. I will take you home. Gonna carry you back home In my arms. I will take you home.)
Tears in Heaven: - performed by Eric Clapton (Sample lyrics - "Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven? I'll find my way through night and day, 'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.") A little blues-oriented, this very special song is sung with acoustic accompaniment and is very touching as it was written after the death of Eric Clapton's own young son.
Angels among Us (Vocal Remix) - performed by Alabama (Sample lyrics - "Oh I believe there are angels among us, Sent down to us from somewhere up above They come to you and me in our darkest hours, To show us how to live, to teach us how to give, To guide us with the light of love")
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) - performed by the Dixie Chicks. This is a gorgeous, soft country song; touching for the loss of a son. (Sample lyrics - "Godspeed, little man, Sweet dreams, little man, Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed, Sweet dreams")

Country Music for an Adult Woman's Memorial Ceremony
I Am Weary (Let Me Rest) - performed by The Cox Family (Sample lyrics - "Seems the light is swiftly fading, Brighter scenes they do now show, I am standing by the river, Angels wait to take me home")
Will There Be Any Stars in My Crown - (traditional) performed by The Cox Family. (Sample lyrics - "I am thinking today of that beautiful land I shall reach when the sun goeth down; When through wonderful grace by my Savior I stand, Will there be any stars in my crown?")
Holes in the Floor of Heaven - performed by Steve Wariner (Sample lyrics - "And sometimes when I'm lonely, I remember she can see, There's holes in the floor of heaven and she's watchin' over you and me.")
Many of the children's songs above will work nicely for women as well.

Country Western Funeral Service Songs for a Man, Young Man, Grandfather
Ships Of Heaven - performed by Blackhawk (Sample lyrics - "Don't cry for me when I'm gone, Keep the faith and be strong, 'Cause through it all I've been blessed...")
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - performed by Mark Chesnutt (Sample lyrics - "I just wanna hold you close, Feel your heart so close to mine, And just stay here in this moment, For all the rest of time.")
Before My Time: performed by Johnny Cash (Sample lyrics - "And there was some old song that said I love you 'til I die, Before my time, Before my time.")
Special Song for the Death of a Soldier
Song for the Dead - performed by Randy Newman. A tribute to a fallen serviceman.

Other Country Style Memorial Songs To Play at any Funeral Service
In the Sweet By and By - (Sample lyrics - "There's a land that is fairer than day, And by faith we can see it apart, For the father waits over the way, To prepare us a dwelling place there")
Instrumentals of favorite songs
Country gospel songs and favorite hymns help with bereavement

Other Ideas for Personalizing Music at a Funeral Service
Keep in mind the departed person. Who were their favorite artists and songs?
For older folks and seniors, older country classics may be most appropriate.
Consider listing songs and perhaps lyrics in the printed service program.
Most of these songs are available for download online, in music stores, or in sheet music form for a keyboardist, musician, choir or soloist singer.
0 Replies
 
Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2008 05:27 am
@Mr Stillwater,
Quote:
I thought it was San Francisco... you notice that none of the other... performers are actually playing instruments or singing or anything. Those purple shirts... sorta queer, if you get my drift..


I can see why you'd think it was San Francisco-- I noticed how the picture resembles an all-male revue. As you've pointed out there's one person with an instrument and the others are cozied up to him and one another in postures that scream gay. The purple shirts!

Are you in the US ? Or are you from some other distant land?
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2008 07:31 pm
@Cliff Hanger,
Quote:
Are you in the US ? Or are you from some other distant land?


A distant land. Australia. One of the good things about A2K is that it has a very active group of Aussie posters. I am from Sydney, one of the other great gay cities of the world. The 'revue' could also be here, but I think that it would be played for laughs (think "Priscilla QOTD", now a musical!).

Nice to meet you Mr Hanger....
margo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2008 07:48 pm
@Mr Stillwater,
Mr Hanger has no profile.

Does that mean he's sort of like a spirit - or sumthin"

You take his photo and there's nothing there?

margo (another of the active (in words anyway) Aussie mob!)

Oy! When I look, I see that Mr Stillwater also has no profile - but comes from that other place! Hmmmmmmmmm.......
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2008 07:53 pm
@margo,
Quote:
I see that Mr Stillwater also has no profile - but comes from that other place! Hmmmmmmmmm.......


Profile. Schmofile. My words speak for themselves.

Tho this inability to set an avatar does make the place seem like a quilt-makers forum.
margo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2008 08:15 pm
@Mr Stillwater,
Quote:
Tho this inability to set an avatar does make the place seem like a quilt-makers forum.


Hadn't thought of it - but you are so right (about that)!
 

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