Nightclubs are hell. What's cool or fun about a thumping, sweaty dungeon full of posing idiots?

Forums: Nightclubs, Clubs, Clubbing, Human Interest Stories, San Francisco
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"I'm too old to enjoy this," I thought. And then remembered I've always felt this way about clubs. And I mean all clubs - from the cheesiest downmarket sickbucket to the coolest cutting-edge hark-at-us poncehole. I hated them when I was 19 and I hate them today. I just don't have to pretend any more.

I'm convinced no one actually likes clubs. It's a conspiracy. We've been told they're cool and fun; that only "saddoes" dislike them. And no one in our pathetic little pre-apocalyptic timebubble wants to be labelled "sad" - it's like being officially declared worthless by the state. So we muster a grin and go out on the town in our millions.

Clubs are despicable. Cramped, overpriced furnaces with sticky walls and the latest idiot theme tunes thumping through the humid air so loud you can't hold a conversation, just bellow inanities at megaphone-level. And since the smoking ban, the masking aroma of cigarette smoke has been replaced by the overbearing stench of crotch sweat and hair wax.

Clubs are such insufferable dungeons of misery, the inmates have to take mood-altering substances to make their ordeal seem halfway tolerable. This leads them to believe they "enjoy" clubbing. They don't. No one does. They just enjoy drugs.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 12 • Views: 11,534 • Replies: 45

[+3] - Bi-Polar Bear - 08/27/2009I make a great deal of my living in clubs....to find me in one in my off time is a major rarity.....I'm unable to get people to come to my house and give me money to sing.... (probably a good...

@Robert Gentel,

Funny. I don't go to clubs--actually never did unless a western honky tonk and/or Saturday nights at the Elks Lodge qualify.

But I dislike teas, cocktail parties, and 'meet whomever' occasions--any place that requires everybody to pretend they are happy to be there but that are as boring as hell--every bit as much as this guy dislikes going to clubs.

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@Robert Gentel,

Am about to read this while smiling. I figure the clubs I've liked, dark cramped jazz venues, the odd comedy club, or places to dance with a live band, aren't what he's talking about. (I'm so out of it.) Will report after reading. I was too young to go to the Mocambo, etc.
(Thinking, have liked clubs in Mexico df and Guatemala City..)

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@ossobuco,

Stops after two paragraphs from rolling on floor laughing and so on. I like Brooker's writing.

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@ossobuco,

Have stopped laughing, still see it as swift writing.
Not that I've any idea if he's right re the scene.

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Maybe he just went to the wrong club ...

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@ossobuco,

Uh oh, I'll probably be filetted for multiposting.. (multi posting = the way I think)..

but just in case not, I'm posting this as a reminder to myself to ask JLNobody if he remembers the jazz club in hollywood..

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Oh gosh, when I was young I would go every weekend and sometimes during
the week to clubs and discos. We had lots of fun and danced the night away.
That was in Europe though.

Today, I wouldn't be caught dead in one, I'd rather stay home and enjoy the
peace and quietness (until the kid starts blasting her music).

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From 18-25, I was at the disco at least once a week. I had a ball. And that was in Chicago. Sure, there were plenty of wallhangers and posers but there were also many who came to dance and dance we did. All night long.

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@eoe,

Yep, I loved clubs from age 14 or so through college. I went for the music (Minneapolis was a good place to be at the time), didn't pay much attention to the poseurs. LOVED to dance. I do miss that part.

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@Robert Gentel,

nightclubs also suck because star athletes tend to get shot at when they go to them...

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@Robert Gentel,

I've always felt that way about most of them, too.

Luckily, when I was at clubbing age, there was a cultural divide, by and large, between clubbers and "us", so we mating danced at innumerable parties, a few select pubs (there was something of a cultural divide between alcohol enthusiasts and "us" too), at constant moving soirees at everyone's share houses...(we were all too poor for telephones, so there was a ubiquitous "dropping in" culture, the nature of which, and the share-housiness of which, meant that one was constantly meeting new people, or running into those one was keen to meet again...or not so keen).

Mind you, a dancing trance is a damn fine thing, but I have always been able to find them at multitudinous venues other than clubs.

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Loved them in my teens and 20's - all Lower East Side dives: CBGBs, 8BC, Pyramid Club, Irving Plaza, Smash7, ....

I think I would feel very old if I went to them today.

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@Green Witch,

Do they still exist? All of my old haunts are long gone.

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@eoe,

There were no clubs for teens in my day but the gym was open during free periods and we all wore bobby socks and had access to the sound system. And that's where we danced after football and basketball games and had our proms too. Or a few home basements etc. were made available to us. Dancing was a huge part of our life.

In our small town college the student union had a permanent dance floor and juke box set aside and it was open 24/7 except during Sunday church.

Post college we were in West Texas and the 'clubs' there were what you would call western honky tonks now--not crowded because the two step doesn't work well as a close quarters dance, but all great fun. Also community barn dances. Still small town adults there was also an Elks lodge with a dance floor etc.

You guys who grew up in the big cities probably lived in a much different culture. I am now in a big city, but the clubs are definitely not our style.

But viva la dancing. Everyone should dance.

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@Ticomaya,

Oh my gosh! I think you're onto something! I've always dreamed of dancing with Kermit, plus green is my favorite color.

During the 60's, I went to a few clubs, but they tended to be where acts were performed, such as Finocchio's (good grief was I naive) and a comedy club that featured a group of comics that improvised all their acts. Very funny.

During that time in the Haight Ashbury, there were many jazz clubs that were little jewels. Good jazz on the cheap, which describes how I lived then.

Mostly, noisy night clubs cause a paranoid form of claustrophobia ("Get Me Out Of Here Right Now"). Oddly enough, even the blaringly loud music gave me a sense of claustrophobia in the sense that I felt trapped inside the noise.

North Beach was always hot then, but it is nothing like it was and I'm too old and too "Been there done that" to ever repeat the experience. I also discovered that I can't hold my liquor. Those sweet, fruity drinks with an umbrella tasted as innocent as lemonade. After about three night of throwing up--hated rum for years--or just going to sleep in the car, I really started drinking lemonade. At least I was a cheap date.

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@Foxfyre,

Foxfyre wrote:

There were no clubs for teens in my day

Not in my day either! But I got in anyway.

Actually I don't know if what I'm thinking of could be called a "club." First Avenue... I think so. 7th Street Entry too. Then beyond that it was mostly bars. I listened to a lot of reggae and blues.

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@eoe,

No, they got pushed out by high rents. CBGBs was the last to go, although some of the now famous bands that played there tried to save it. The owner (a notorious drunk) owed thousand in past due rent and the real estate was just too valuable to keep it as a dive bar.

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@sozobe,

Quote:

LOVED to dance

Will u explain the reason ?
What was best about dancing ?

I never got the point about that.

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@Foxfyre,

Quote:

But viva la dancing. Everyone should dance.

Y ?

That always seemed pointless, tho harmless.

I was always at a loss to understand Y
anyone 'd be interested in doing that.

David

1 Reply

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Nightclubs are hell. What's cool or fun about a thumping, sweaty dungeon full of posing idiots?

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