NO COMPROMISE

Oh yes, and it starts with very small things. Sometimes I catch myself doing something I would have never done a year ago. I'm glad I still notice and have the chance to change it. Which I do. And I'm not only talking about things that might lead to anything bigger that would be criminal.

Urs53, I know exactly what you mean.

I think a lot of the problem with today's children is they come home from school to greet the silent air, nobody to hand them cookies and milk, then turn on the TV. Before you know it, they are desensitized to killing and thievery, and consequently see nothing wrong with it.

It starts off with small things..................

I think it all comes back to the morals and ethics that we were raised with. I can vividly remember testing the waters as a youngster to figure out what I could get away with. (Which was not much, by the way) Some of my friends had parents that had some denial issues going, thinking their child could not do such things. While I suffered my punishment, they went off unpunished.

I believe this sends a powerful message. "I cannot be caught, but if I do, nothing will happen." I always thought the exact opposite, "I will get caught, and be punished, so don't do it."

When I see grown, functional, intelligent adults with enabling parents, it frustrates me. There is so much irresponsibility in these adult children that have not received the message that you are responsible for your actions. And I completely realize that the parents feel they are doing the best they can, but their children could be headed for a harsh dose of reality.

Example: A former co-worker has a son in his late 20's , I'll call him Sam. Sam has a son, a good job, a very modest apartment and a very used car. Sam never had any money, and from time to time had to "borrow" money, which is usually never repaid. Sam spent his money on drugs. Someone meeting him for the first time probably wouldn't suspect, because Sam is bright, friendly, and holds a good job. But, like many addicts, Sam makes light of his responsibilities, will go for long periods of time without calling mom, has accidents, blames his problems on other circumstances. Mom is not aware of Sam's addiction issues, maybe because she chooses not to be, for whatever reason.

Although I had tried to talk to my co-worker about the "writing on the wall" - she turned blind eye.

Sam had to move home for awhile due to financial problems, and mom welcomed him. One night while Sam was there along, he smoked marijuana, then went into the kitchen to make himself something to eat. While it cooked, he went back to the living room, smoked some more marijuana, and passed out on the couch. He awoke to the sounds of the smoke detector, sirens blaring and fire trucks setting up. The house burned to the ground, he and his parents lost everything.

It took a couple more incidents before Sam finally went to jail and rehab, but mom still feels there is an element of "that cannot be right" to the course of events.

Sublime, I know what you're saying. We were too afraid of my parents as we grew up to do anything wrong, we knew we'd get it. We didn't have any decisions to make about it, you just didn't do it if it was wrong.

What a horrendous story! How very sad, and to think Sam probably doesn't even blame himself to this day.

I hope he finally saw the light.

Misti And I think at some point, there became an emphasis on being your child's friend. I love that commercial putting that thought on notice.

Maybe Dr. Phil needs to do a show on parenting adult children?

i try as much as possible to keep to the highest ethical and moral standards that i can, as i understand them to be. sometimes i fail. it bothers me to no end when i come short, i stay up at night wondering how i failed. i am my own worst critic.

Don't forget pueo.....there is no manual for parenting. We kick ourselves in the butt as much as our kids do.

now that's the truth, rae.

but we must keep pressing forward, right?

Sublime: I think it's more important to be our children's parents than their best friends, at least while they're going through the formative years, it also gives the children a sense of security.

I think if we could merge the old fashioned way of raising kids and the new way of thinking, half and half lets say, we could have a common ground.

This modern way of not wanting to chastise kids because "I want to be their friend, or I want to be a better parent than mine were to me" is a crock.

You have to be firm, in a loving way, that's the whole key. If you can discipline and let them know they're loved, you've got it made.


Pueo, don't question your MO too much, just believe you did the right thing and you love your children, everyone will be okay!

Keep moving forward.....I dunno about that.....If it were up to me, my son would still be three years old. He was such a cutie-pie then.

He still is a cutie-pie, but he's abut 150 pounds heavier and five feet taller.....

(I can still put the fear of God into him though.)

Yes you can Rae, but you're the best of buds too!

Only because of that fear-of-God thingy. And I try to do right by him. He notices.