Men, help me out here

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I know women and men are different, but can you please explain something to me?

I wrote my boss an email detailing updates on several projects we're working on. He responded quickly, but only addressed one of them, as usual.

Why do men do this? I've never had this kind of communique with women, so I am nonplussed. That either means more work for me by sending the other questions again or waiting until he's ready to discuss the other projects.

Is this a guy thing or a HIM thing? This is why I hate working in offices. I'm always at the vagaries of whoever's in charge. blah.

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Does "Him" happen to be an engineer? If so, that would explain alot.

By the way, women are supposed to be good with fuzzy instructions. The same probably applies to fuzzy answers.

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Did I seem fuzzy to you, Roger? snort.

No, he's not an engineer, which would have explained things, you're right. It's men in general, I think. This has been the bane of my office existence.

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It might have to do with the fact that men can only do one thing at one time (taking aside 'drinking AND talking about sports AND women AND politics), while women can do at least three different things at the same time.

That's at least what I am told more than quite frequently.

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Well, can't you guys answer one question at a time? I guess that's what you're suggesting he's doing, though, isn't it? Sheesh.

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I've been through it too, but more typically, I would present one question. What I got was a thourough evaluation of the entire project - in detail. What was lacking was an answer. I finally decided it was a test of wills, to see if I was stubborn enough to persist with the question. I did, as I did not ask superfluous questions. The results were not predictible.

Not a bit fuzzy, but I was always sober.

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Mame wrote:

Well, can't you guys answer one question at a time?

No. Life isn't such easy.

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I have had similar problems with email communications with some people of both sexes. If I format the email in a general narrative style, most of the questions don't get answered. However, if I introduce the questions by saying "I have [insert number of questions here] needing your response/decision," then list them in a numerically formatted list, it gets a more complete response.

Giving a numbered list of questions makes it blatantly obvious there was more than one question and if ignored, it was done so intentionally. When this occurs, I email a response saying something to the effect of "you addressed 2 of my 9 questions. By your lack of acknowledgement of the remaining questions, am I to to infer that you are delegating resolution of these remaining questions to me?"

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Re: Men, help me out here

Mame wrote:

I know women and men are different, but can you please explain something to me?

I wrote my boss an email detailing updates on several projects we're working on. He responded quickly, but only addressed one of them, as usual.

Why do men do this? I've never had this kind of communique with women, so I am nonplussed. That either means more work for me by sending the other questions again or waiting until he's ready to discuss the other projects.

Is this a guy thing or a HIM thing? This is why I hate working in offices. I'm always at the vagaries of whoever's in charge. blah.

You said "updates". Did he know they were questions?

Send them again with some "soft soap", like "I'd really like your opinions on this", or "Could you give me some direction please?" or "Am I following your wishes in these matters?"

Most people love flattery, even when they recognise it. Especially men, from a woman. Smile

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assuming that your communication was updates and not a list of questions this sounds like a guy thing. Women always want to yak everything to death, a guy will respond in such a way to indicate that he has heard what you had to say, and understands, with out getting bogged down in every little detail. By responding in depth to one area you are supposed to understand that he has given all areas of your commnication equal attention, your communication served its purpose.

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Perfect. Mame, that's exactly what I meant by fuzzy.

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bullet points would help Razz

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Re: Men, help me out here

Mame wrote:

I know women and men are different, but can you please explain something to me?

1- You are right about the former part of the sentence which could be an assertion alone and finish with a period.

2 - I'm not sure yet I can answer the latter part of the sentence, which is a question, given the question mark, because I've to read what follows.

Mame wrote:

I wrote my boss an email detailing updates on several projects we're working on. He responded quickly, but only addressed one of them, as usual.

1 - I suppose you were expected to to what you did, in correlation with your first sentence in this quote.

2 - According to the first part of your second sentence, I infer he is a very reactive man.

3 - According to the second part, he either:

- Is interested with this question alone, or

- He doesn't care about the other stuff.

4 - According to the last part of the sentence, you are not surprised by his behavior..

Mame wrote:

Why do men do this? I've never had this kind of communique with women, so I am nonplussed. That either means more work for me by sending the other questions again or waiting until he's ready to discuss the other projects..

1- About the question (see comments above about the question mark) :

- Men do see this kind of communication useful, in order not to get disturbed by the unnecessary babbling that surrounds most of women communication.

2 - Like in your second sentence, your state of mind doesn't matter a bit.

3 - Same in the third sentence, the amount of work you have doesn't matter a bit. You have to wait till he is ready to discuss other projects, not because he is a man, but because he is the boss..

Mame wrote:

Is this a guy thing or a HIM thing? This is why I hate working in offices. I'm always at the vagaries of whoever's in charge. blah.

1 - Considering your question, which could be alone and finished without further comment, this is obviously a HIM thing, as you can see by this extended reply. Guys can consider extensive and complicated questions, as long as their interests are related to them.

2 - What you hate in office jobs doesn't matter at all, relatively to the emails you sent him.

3 - Stick to the job, girl, give up the vagaries...

Very Happy

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Yeah, agreed about bullet points.

E.G. and I communicate a lot via email and I have found that keeping each email to one major point gets a better response.

Part of it is that some answers are easier than others, and he'll either answer only one question or put off answering at all of there is a question that is hard in the bunch.

So I'll send him three in a row, for example, with different subject lines, each one very short. Works well.

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Mame wrote:

I wrote my boss an email detailing updates on several projects we're working on. He responded quickly, but only addressed one of them, as usual.

He probably realized the other projects were destined for failure and decided to respond to the only one he deemed salvageable.

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He doesn't care about your cubicle reorganization project, nor the fund raiser, nor the coffee machine neat & tidy campaign.

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Okay, this is an example of what I send:

1. XXX Website updates sent to ABC company. Do you want to review them before they go live?

2. Working on YYY Website updates. Will send you a draft later this week.

3. YYY Website needs additional graphics. Do you know where I could get a map detailing MNO and some electromag results?

4. The database has now been compiled. Should I send it to Jim for dissemination purposes? What is the usual procedure?

5. Attached is a Fact Sheet for XXX Company. Is this what you had in mind? Feedback would be appreciated.

Succint and direct questions. He answered No. 3 only, leaving me wondering if I can just update the website without his review/approval. No. 2 was for his information only. But 1, 4, and 5 never got responded to.

This is typical in the business I'm in. I worked as a PA for the President of the last company I was in and it was even worse. He'd schedule meetings with people, myself included, and never show up or even answer his phone. It's very frustrating.

I think I'm just not cut out for this business (hence the cooking gigs).

All I can do is breathe deeply, continue working, and wait for their interest in these matters tor return. I guess when they want to know, they will ask.

sigh. Thanks for your help.

Francis, that was amusing.

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Re: Men, help me out here

Mame wrote:

[...] Why do men do this? I've never had this kind of communique with women, so I am nonplussed. That either means more work for me by sending the other questions again or waiting until he's ready to discuss the other projects. [...]

No, this is not a "man thing". It's a "person thing".

Some people are thorough, and others are not.

If you were asking multiple questions, I would have answered them all.

And, by the way, not all guys are into sports.

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Re: Men, help me out here

Reyn wrote:

And, by the way, not all guys are into sports.

No, but those types still watch football for the "tight ends".

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Re: Men, help me out here

Reyn wrote:

Mame wrote:
[...] Why do men do this? I've never had this kind of communique with women, so I am nonplussed. That either means more work for me by sending the other questions again or waiting until he's ready to discuss the other projects. [...]

No, this is not a "man thing". It's a "person thing".

Some people are thorough, and others are not.

If you were asking multiple questions, I would have answered them all.

And, by the way, not all guys are into sports.

I think you are the minority, Reyn. And no, I know not all men are into sports - I'm not trying to generalize the gender; I'm just relating my experiences and trying to find a way to deal with this.

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