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Wed 3 Sep, 2003 10:42 am
This letter headed the advice column in the Austin American-Statesman yesterday:
Q: I am a recent widow. Is it possible.. do you know... is there a way...I would like to put my husband's ashes in a bouquet of balloons and "send" them (him) off our deck. (He would love it.)
A: It is possible. I am sorry for your loss. sounds like your husband was an adventurous guy. I checked with the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality, who said such a release is "not a form of air pollution." The cremated remains of a 150- to 200-pound man probably weigh around 5 to 7 pounds. Use latex balloons. The Texas Funeral Service Commission was given regulatory authority over crematories in the last regular session of the Legislature, says Chet Robbins, executive director of the Commission. Release the cremains away from an airport over uninhabited public lands or waterways or over private property with the owner's consent. The Balloon Council reports latex balloons well-tied with no structural flaws rise to about an altitude of five miles "where they freeze, break into spaghetti-like pieces that scatter as they return to earth."
What a nice way to go! I need to start thinking about this. Definitely cremation, but what to do with the ashes? I could have them scattered on the floor of my favorite pub, I guess.
On the same subject, I need:
a) a will
b) some way to dispose of my books and scribblings (volumes of cringe-inducing journals, for instance)
And what about you, T?
There's a cemetary a few miles south of the college my wife and I studied at back in the 70s. A year or two ago I mentioned to her that I would like to be buried there. To put it very mildly, she was not receptive to the idea. I'm not sure if she just doesn't want to discuss the subject, or if the cemetary is located too far (about a thousand miles) away from where she had us buy our retirement home.
My son and daughter-in-law know that I'm willing my body for medical research. Disposal of the ashes will be their problem, but I have indicated a preference for a short stay in their compost tumbler and then eternity as extra nitrogen in a garden plot.
I know what I'd LIKE to do but I doubt anyone would do it for me.
1. As in parts of SE ASIA: Be pegged out on the top of a hill and let the buzzards distribute me.
2. Be "chipped," as in "Fargo," mixed with some good hardwood mulch and soil, and be part of a tree planting.
I like Tartarin's approach. I'd like to be buried at sea, but not the conventional way, wrapped in canvas and weighted so you sink below where the sea life feeds.
All that prime stuff I've been feeding and grooming all these years, I want it to be appreciated!
I wonder how far out you'd have to go so that nothing would float ashore and upset some little kids walking along a beach, or something. That would be a bummer. I guess you'd have to study the water currents near the nearest shoreline, then leave instructions in your will.
Hmmm.
I'm really into personal recycling, bab, are you? And welcome to A2K -- not all of the subjects are as bizarre and gross!!
What made me laugh about the woman and the balloons was the sheer number of commissions and such which can/must be consulted about such a personal matter. Hmmm...
Didn't the Vikings do something along the lines of putting the deceased on a wood boat, setting it on fire, then pushing it out to sea?
Now that would be dramatic way to go!
Yeah, but you have to chop down the tree to make the boat. Naughty naughty D'art!! And you come from the Great Tree State!!
Anyway, you don't want my naked body staked out on a hillside near you, buzzards wheeling overhead?
Like Noddy I figure it's not my problem.
Yes, the Vikings went that way. It was a rite of passage for their souls.
I guess the US has enough "specialty" stores to furnish such a funeral.
Now, as with other goods and services, uniformity in funerals has been an inevitable result of the consolidation of the relevant industry. In America, and most of Western culture. the preparation of the body and the reintegration of the social network of survivors seem to be more important than the fate of the soul of the deceased.
What's the trend?
Similar thread back in May:
Passage ...... Where do you go after you die
From dust to dust, from fertile compounds to life-giving fertilizer,
the cycle continues at dinner time.
I'll be dead, so whatever happens at that point won't be much concern of mine. I would prefer that the living who are close to me choose my final push-off. After all, it is through them that I shall continue to live.
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have 'em cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Mine's an odd one and very few people ever understood all the reasons I want it this way.
I want to be cremated, and then sent to the sea.. via the toilet.
Basically I want there to be a large party and I want my ashes to be flushed down the first toilet that is barfed in. I'll eventually make it to the sea.
Craven -- yours is even more disgusting than mine!!
But a party would be nice...
Would anyone like to be encased in clear Lucite plastic,
and displayed standing in a public park?
You can be your own tombstone you know.
"Oh look, it's that dead guy."
"How'd he get in there?"
"Do you think he fell into the vat?"
"His watch is still running. Half past, uh ... eternity."
"He looks so . . . so . . . dead."
"Hey, he's got a hickey!"
"That's a leach you idiot."
"Do you think he'll mind if I scratch a heart on the plastic?"
"Joey, get your tongue off that thing! There's a dead guy in there!"
"It's says here 'Made in Hong Kong'. I wonder who made him."
"How embarassing to be dead. I hope I live forever."
"Omigod, his slacks are *so* last year."
"Well at least he looks like he was having fun, when he died."
"It says to push the button to make him talk. But he doesn't move."
"C'mon, put a dollar in the box and let's go."
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