Eye Contact

Yeah, I've heard that before...it just doesn't come naturally to me because personally, that weirds me out more than actual eye contact --I don't like it when someone is looking at my face but not at my eyes (or at least, when I *think* they're doing that--maybe I can't really tell). I get all oh-god-there's-paint-on-my-face (there's always ink or paint or charcoal or something on me somewhere) and start desperately wanting to rub my face.

So instead of focusing on a different part of the face I try to just make eye contact for a few seconds and then look to the side or down for a few seconds, completely away from their face. ....You know, come to think of it, I just realized that part of the problem is also that I get distracted if I'm looking at parts of people's faces, and start analyzing shapes and how I'd draw them... Jeez... No wonder I get exhausted by socializing! I'm terrible at it!

Where I live and work there is no chance it's within the context of a single culture, (let alone a singe set of conditioned expectations within said culture).

The South West Coast Canadian culture (if a complete hodgepodge combined with massive immigration can be said to be a culture) is at the extreme end of diverse, not sure what it's like for you and yours.

cypher - you and I seem more or less the same with our communication.

Sometimes I'm like "god, I had to spend all day INTERACTING with people. Calgon, take me away!"

Ha! Chai, I swear...I laugh out loud at more of your posts than anybody else's...You are a caution to the jaybirds, you know that?

funny story, im at the store and i catch sight of this amazingly gorgeous woman working the register, i buy my swisher, but when she takes my card she looks directly into me eyes and then she taps my arm and says Oh! i remember you! with this sexy accent and she just held my gaze the whole time. i was blazed and all i remember is feeling like i was bein hypnotised, MAN! her eyes were so beautiful!

Anyways, on the way out i tried to go thru the opposite door i cam in, but it was jammed and i walked into it pretty hard, and i couldn't dare turn around i was so red! and then i looked in the glass and she was laughing!


thats so funny! i looked like a complete moron. oh well maybe she will think it was cute, all u have to do to get a girl is catch her attention usually.

Im so optimistic, its pathetic.

omg i just realised i have to go back INTO that SAME STORE.

guys im not sure i can handle that...

Now go out and get yourself some big black frames
With the glass so dark thay wont even know your name
And the choice is up to you cause they come in two classes:
Rhinestone shades or cheap sunglasses

ZZ Top

man she so fine tho, it will be worth it maybe she will start a convo about my collision with the door.

my nerd skills will come through this time!

Tell her you're a fireman, or an army guy.


That's what all women want.

not really, but it is a pretty cliche fantasy.

My friend from highschool is a fireman, i wanted to be on cuz cops are just salespeople, but yeah.

he doesnt have any trouble getting girls he wants. i mean, but they have alot of intelligence and they are usually very fit so i can see why. and they got bizzzank..

Hello hello hello,

I've found myself thinking about the eye contact thing while a person is talking to me, and thus I miss what they say.
I don't miss what they say because of eye contact or lack of it, but of the thought of the subject itself and the attempt to not weird the person out with my annoying self-awareness of my eye contact.
I've found that when I'm just communicating instinctively and the thought of how I'm communicating does not enter my head - this is when I communicate just fine.

Anxiety likely plays a role in many people's lack of eye-contact.

Uh...right. Odd. I have to remind myself to be real sometimes. To just talk naturally; unwary of staring too long or not looking to the person's eyes enough.
Lately I've found myself looking at the person's face more often, naturally.

Regarding the boss staring and then thinking you feared him, because you didn't look his way: Having stared back at him would have suggested a lack of fear. It's like that movie with in which the person met the tiger with fixed eyes not looking away. Your looking away from the boss' stare was an obvious attempt to avoid potential 'angering of the boss'. If you did not fear him; you would have confronted him about his staring. That is probably what he was thinking.
I was told never to stare at a wolfdog. As it would attack me to prove it's superiority. Perhaps that boss tested people by staring at them. A way of figuring out a person's character or confidence.
That old boss of yours intrigues me; I think I would have liked to have met him, and to have stared him in the eyes .

There was this person who time after time would talk down to me. I decided to stare at the person in the eyes whenever they would try to talk down to me. I did this to show the person that I wasn't intimidated by them. The person continued to talk down to me, but it didn't bother me as much when I was staring them in the eyes.

Yes, complex indeed; but fully understandable if one has the time.

:wink: