Eye Contact

Wiki: The study of eye contact is sometimes known as oculesics.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_contact

"Eye contact" is way more complex than you seem to give it credit for.

Interacts with all kinds of things. Off the top of my head:

- Physical distance between speaker and listener
- Power relationship between speaker and listener
- Subject being discussed
- Familiarity between speaker and listener
- General social venue -- subway vs. cocktail party, etc.

Wiki has this to say, but and yet it still remains rather the unknown / weird (even contradictory) in many respects!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_contact#Eye_aversion_and_mental_processing

I dunno, I don't find it that unknown or complicated. Ask me a question and I'll tell you what is or isn't appropriate. (I base that on two things -- general knowledge of "body language," since I communicate entirely through speechreading, and the need to moderate my own eye contact to keep people comfortable, even though I need to look at them to understand what they're saying.)

Western Culture may not represent the majority where I live, let alone the references to other higher mammilla, other cultures and various studies as outlined in the Wiki quote. Give it a read for a bigger picture.

One study contradicts your claim "I need to look at them to understand what they're saying."

Here's looking atchookid!

Interesting stuff.

I am not real big on long sustained eye contact.

First of all, I'm really big into body language, and I need to be at least arms length from a person when talking to them. That way, I can see their entire body, and can get a lot of information by observing the entire package, head to toe. Most of this is done peripherally, and with my eyes sliding toward the area I'm noticing and then back up to the eyes.

I find it creepy and disingenuous when someone locks eyes with me and doesn't look away. It's like they read in a pop physiology magazine this is what they are supposed to do.

I find myself looking in someone's eyes, doing a blink, seeking out another part of their face for a second, back to their eyes for awhile, etc. I also glance off occasionally, that actually helps me to absorb what the other persons saying.

I'm one of those who visualized stuff, so if you ask me a question, you'll likely find me looking off to the left and up while I "see" the answer. Nothing to do with being evasive. I couldn't think straight if I had to stare into someone's pupils....that's just dumb.

Very interesting

I don't think I notice eye contact unless it's too long (uncomfortable) or not enough (start wondering what they are up to).

[quote="Chumly"]Wiki: The study of eye contact is sometimes known as oculesics.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_contact[/quote]

"One researcher theorized that looking at human faces requires a lot of mental processing, which detracts from the cognitive task at hand.[13] Researchers also noted that a blank stare indicated a lack of understanding.[13]
Dr. Gwyneth Doherty-Sneddon was quoted[13] as having said, "Looking at faces is quite mentally demanding. We get useful information from the face when listening to someone, but human faces are very stimulating and all this takes processing. So when we are trying to concentrate and process something else that's mentally demanding, it's unhelpful to look at faces."


IMO - Eye contact IS extremely complex. Many people do not have adept "processing" capability and eye-contact is too confusing for their emotional processing. Unfortunately, some people have to be "taught" to "look" at society in the face - in a world that does not understand how disturbing that can be for them - in order for society to be able to "read" what is going on.

For some, this forced learning can be very, very difficult - and can often be damaging too. It is often the way that getting someone to "look you in the eye" is for their comfort, as opposed to what makes the person having to "look" comfortable.

Non-verbal communication is hard to comprehend for many, especially those who are unable to communicate verbally. It is hard to imagine how difficult that must be for them?

Personally, I do read thru peoples eyes - but I also understand that not everyone has look into mine if that is too difficult.





(hey Soz think you'll understand what I'm on about here) x



k - back in my box!

Sozobe,

I did not get your reference to Speechreading earlier.

I'm deaf. (Thought you knew this.)

No (klutz that I am) I was unaware

No problem, just assume that most people who have been around for a while knew that... never come up before in our discussions? (Not something I hide, at all, but also don't want to knock people over the head with it every other sentence!)

Anyway, I hear nothing at all -- no aural info -- but can usually talk to hearing people with no particular problem (depending on the situation) via speechreading. So I'm very much a student of all of this.

My posts here have been a bit staccato as I check in between doing other things, so to clarify a bit -- I think the social boundaries of eye contact are quantifiable and knowable as it's something I can predict with a high degree of accuracy... but that doesn't mean it's not complicated. It is.

Hey

I didn't know either Soz. I think what you say highlights the "bigger picture".

For one, eye contact - and speechreading - is an essential form of non verbal communication -

For another - eye contact could mean seeing someone's eyes and not understanding a word that is being spoken.

It highlights how complex eye contact can be.

Personally, if someone is making eye contact in order to be intimidating, threatening or too make somone purposely feel uncomfortable - well, to me, that's a different form of non-verbal communication.

Each person is unique - so no person will have the same form of eye contact as another. The bigger picture needs to always be taken into account - easy to say, not necessarily easy to do tho.

Failing to make eye contact in a job interview can often mean not getting a job. A lot of people -- consciously or not -- see a failure to make eye contact as being either a sign of having something to hide or a sign that the interviewee is uncomfortable, too shy, etc. I don't love sustained eye contact, but I make an effort to make it in job interviews, and I've found that it increases my success rate pretty dramatically.

Soz is right that this is an entirely too shallow discussion of "eye contact." I am not deaf (only functionally deaf in one ear, and mildly hearing impaired in the other), but i rely a good deal on "lip-reading" and "reading" the eyes of an interlocutor and body language. By the time you're pushin' sixty, you've had a lifetime of idiots making the stupid joke "What?" if you tell 'em you're "hard of hearing" (the common expression from my childhood), and you get tired yourself of saying "What?" to people every other time someone speaks to you. You reach the point at which you either pay close attention (if you intend to understand the speaker) to the words, the eyes, the expression, the posture--or you just pretend you heard them, and blow them off.

In addition to the points which Jespah made, i have long found eye contact a means to completely change a situation. When i buy something in a store, or pay my bill in a restaurant, i say hello, and wait for the cashier to respond and to make eye contact before i pay--and i joke around and flirt with them. It completely alters your experience of dealing with strangers. Making eye contact and smiling is essential to flirting, and casual, relaxed flirting dramatically alters one's experience of society at large. When in a restaurant, i also make eye contact with and flirt with the server--you get much better service, and the server pays more attention to you. There are the rare exceptions, people with whom you deal in public who are total grumps--i suspect, though, that they don't last long in those types of employment.

Oh, and in regard to another point Jespah made--i have found that i can usually successfully lie to strangers by the simple expedient of looking them in the eye and hold their gaze while i retail my bullshit. Most strangers look away or look down, and they usually buy your story, if you have the wit to at least make it plausible.

It can be entertaining to.

I LOVE this Setanta...I agree wholeheartedly

I know when I am uncomfortable - like when someone is being too forward or getting in my space I find eye contact very difficult - but in these situations isn't it important to look someone in the eye and be assertive? I am so non-confrontational though..I would just as soon slide away.

I don't think there is anything wrong with just sliding away. I have upon many occasions run into some stranger to whom i respond with an unspoken "OK, this elevator doesn't go to the top floor" and then have just slid away.

I was referring to those situations in which you find that you must deal with people. Some few people get surly when you make eye contact with them--but i rather think either they shouldn't be in a position which requires them to deal with the public, or that they ought to learn to look people in the eye and take care of business.

Little girls who argue with little boys who claim their stuffed tiger as their best friend, however, are one of the types i'd probably slide away from.

You're probably right