Venus in Venice: The Goddess of Love's Dinner Party

"Gustav? Are you guys drunk already? Now you know that dolphins are smarter than the average.....well, you know. Harumph!", and Sumac swims further out into the canal, smacking the water with her mighty tail repeatedly as she goes.

"And BBB, scales? SCALES?...them's on fish. Dolphins ain't no fish! Harumph!"

Cav prefers the local chevre, best from Robert Smith (not the lead singer of The Cure) from Stratford, but Woolwich Farms makes an admirable product as well, although getting a tad too popular these days for their own good. Thin slices of rare-seared marlin get wrapped around a sprightly mix of lightly dressed Frisee and sunflower sprouts.

Sumac
Sumac

"Well," retorted BBB, "if you don't want people to think you are the only dolphin in the sea with scales, you've got to do something about your juvenile acne. I know a good fish dermatologist who can give you a good peal."

Juvenile acne? Those are liver spots!

Eva is so grateful to BBB! What WOULD she do without friends like her! As she turns back to the mirror, the Goddess asks herself, "What was I thinking? Of course, no gown can adequately display my charms. She is right. Except..."

Eva has a sudden inspiration. She turns to Clarienne and says, "Bring me an armful of those baubles from the powder room. And get Carlo in here...on the double!"

As the couturier descends the staircase, he notices the musicians have arrived. In one corner of the ballroom, a chamber quartet is playing Mozart. Outside by the pool, roadies are setting up amplifiers and doing sound checks...

Cav looks out the kitchen window and sees sumac jumping and diving in the canal. He throws her a few handfuls of raw scallops and calamari while wondering what type of sauce would best complement dolphin....

Osso is still sitting on her velvet footstool in the corner of the kitchen, clutching her round of Humboldt Fog Chevre. She thinks and thinks, who can I give this to...and then she remembers...the Cats of Venice! She tiptoes out the door and walks down the Calle to a small Campo where there is a cat apartment built up against palazzo wall... she leaves a wedge on a small silver platter from her beaded platter case.
Then she moves on down the Calle and around the corner to another Campo, and another, leaving little trays of Chevre. At last she comes to Piazza San Marco and moves through the crowd over to the wee Piazzetta dei Leoncini, to the left of the duomo. The lion sculpture is often coated with a scattering of young children but right now there is a young woman sitting there at the base wearing a very long, intricately designed, fur coat to keep away the blast of cold wind from the Canale di San Marco.

Osso frowns at her coat but understands these were the olden days. She asks the woman if she would like some cheese, and the woman stares, gives a slight smile, and responds, "Do you have any crackers?" Osso says not with me, perhaps those two gentlemen have some in their borse..

Indeed, the gentlemen did carry water crackers with them, and some special rice crackers with various seeds imbedded in them. The one with the nicest face smiled at Osso and asked if she would like an aperitivo to go with the crackers and cheese. She smiled back and said yes, I would, yes, but you know, I need to be getting back to the banquet for the Goddess of Love. Why don't you, sir, and you, madam, and you, sir, all come back to the palazzo with me after we have our apperitivi? And they all agreed. This night would not be lonely anymore.
http://www.rurou.org/archives/000070.html

Cats have apartments now? Whee, high livin' felines!

I have a book, Cats of Venice, with lots of cat apartment pictures. Cats of Venice, Amazon Link

Cav admires the ripe peaches in the fields, and the fine watercress and considers some house-smoked dolphin, and a honey-dijon dressing with fine fresh rosemary....cav will skip the water crackers and make some flatbread....a thin slice of ripe peach with black pepper on top of a lovely piece of flatbread, topped with a teeny bit of the dressed watercress and smoked dolphin salad....an hors d'oeuvre fit for a Goddess....

Consider away, Cav, it ain't gonna happen.

Gustav stumbles down the stairs from the bell tower. He is angry and confused... and very, very drunk. In the tower he had found a bottle of Scotch left over from the previous bell ringer. While draining the contents of the bottle Gus heard angry shouts coming from below... "Get that friggin' dolphin! Now!" "Where's my dress?" "This? You call this a dress! Get out! Get out! All of you!"

Gus was getting a little irritated with this woman, but she was paying him a decent wage and the benefits were extraordinary. Reaching the street he staggered down the sidewalk until he found the shop he had seen earlier. LUIGI'S DRESSES AND HARPOONS

Gus entered and made the appropriate purchases -- a dress for Eva and a harpoon to take care of the pesky dolphin.

Walking back toward Eva's palace Gus heard the sound of children laughing. Following the sound he discovered a group of children throwing biscuits to the dolphin. The dolphin leaped gracefully from the water and snared the biscuits in midair, much to the delight of the children.

Gus pushed a couple of the brats aside and threw the harpoon with deadly accuracy, impaling the dolphin through the neck just as it was about to hit the surface of the water. The dolphin went limp and the water turned red. Gus chuckled as the children cried and the lifeless dolphin floated slowly down the canal.

Reaching the palace, Gus entered the servants entrance and headed toward the stair leading to the bell tower. He heard Eva screaming and saw the terrorized servants running around.

"Here", Gus said as he tossed the dress to one of the servants, "tell Eva to wear this. Maybe then we can all have peace and quiet."

The servant inspected the dress and a smile came to her face. "This is perfect, Mr. Ratzenhofer! She is going to love- what the?"

A dog had just raced into the room and ripped the gown from the servant's hand. The dog raced throught the kitchen, startling Cav and his bullied servants, and then raced into the courtyard.

Eva heard the commotion from upstairs and glanced into the courtyard. She fainted.

Roberto, the sous chef, witnesses the carnage with interest. "Psst, gustav, c'mere for a sec..."

"Leave me alone...."

"No, seriously....how would you like to get a promotion, AND learn how to use a smoker...."

Gustav's interest perks up...

"Is that a Chinese Crested dog in a chicken costume in my kitchen??" cav yells....then his thoughts drift to Canton, and the odd but tasty meat he was served...

Cav is going to cook a dog?
BumbleBeeBoogie exploded through the kitchen door, slamming it so hard against the wall that a shelf of crystal goblets crashed to the tile floor.

At the sound of broken glass, everyone turned to look at BBB as she thundered towards Cav. "What's this I hear that you plan to cook and serve a dog to the party guests?"

"Uh, I.."

BBB stood nose to nose with Cav, having lost her genteel cool. "Don't you know that dog could be someone's pet? A dog that gives unconditional love to its caretaker is not going to be a side dish at this party! Is that clear?"

"Sure, OK."

"It's bad enough that Sumac got killed off. She never hurt anyone and had a great sense of humor." A tear came to BBB's eye as she thought about Sumac never having a chance. "Think about how much fun she would have been entertaining the guests with fin rides around the pool. Is there any chance Sumac may have survived the harpoon attack?" Did anyone call a vet to examine her?"

"I'll take care of that, BBB, and see if there is any possibility of saving Sumac."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, honey. You've restored my faith in you."

Cav sighed in relief at how close he came to becoming a former chef. "That BBB sure gets riled when a creature is threatened."

BBB gave Cav a big kiss on his cheek and patted his fanny. "Now get back to work, Chef, the guests are getting hungry." She turned and exited the kitchen. Her sweet smile returned to her face as she mingled among the guests exuding grace and dignity.

Don't mess with BBB!

"Roberto, go check on sumac, and let BBB know that I never intended to serve a dog....it was just a moment of horrid recognition from my trip to Canton....I think it was the chicken costume that made me realize a very unpleasant truth..."

"Okay chef."

"Roberto, also, take this 300 lbs. of calamari to sumac, and call the vet. I sense motion in the pool, so perhaps sumac is okay. Also, we only need a small piece of fin, which won't hurt a bit. The vet can patch it up no problemo."

Roberto eagerly seeks out BBB....(could romance be in the air?), Vincenzo and Lucinda shave truffles together, and smile knowingly at each other...cav thinks that as the night is about love, and love is about giving, a small piece of sumac's fin is not too much to ask....

Cucumber cups are filled with the famous house pate and topped with red onion relish. Zucchini flowers are tempura'd and plattered elegantly with aged Ponzu sauce for dipping, the phyllo cups and seafood salad are arranged...it begins....all we need is that fin....

Removing alcohol from wine
All foodies may be interested in some fascinating information about removing alcohol from wine in my recipe post for Italian Veal Scallopini.

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=10994&highlight=

---BumbleBeeBoogie

Eva recovers from the shock of seeing her beloved puppy dressed as a guest, and whistles, "Fifi! Stop chasing those cats and come up here this instant! You MUST show Clarienne what you have found!" The puppy trots up the grand staircase to the applause of the crowd below.

When the veterinarian arrives, he tells a stunned BBB that the injured dolphin is, in fact, a male. He gives the dolphin a massive transfusion, and releases it into the canal outside. Sumac comes out of her hiding place between the gondolas and is delighted to see that her companion will recover. But what is that strange wound on his fin?

Cav puts Gustav to work in the kitchen, tending the smoker. However, he realizes Gus will not stay put for long. So he rings Eva on the intercom. "Goddess, the beast is becoming restless again. I don't know how much longer I can contain him."

The Goddess of Love smiles. She knows what is needed. A suitable companion for Gus! Now...where to find one???

Sumac circles and circles her wounded companion and then sees Eva, the Goddess of Love, and hostess for this gathering, on the upstairs balcony.

Enraged by recent events, Sumac raises herself as high as she can go on her strong tail and yells at the top of her lungs: "Some hostess and Goddess of Love you are, upstairs primping and being shallow about your appearance, while one of your guests is taking pot shots at other guests! Come on, Shiloh, let's get out of this dump. This canal stinks of sewage anyway."

And off the two of them swim, and they never return to Venice.

Emelda, the blind-in-one-eye hunchback emerges from the root cellar....for some reason, she wears her eyepatch on her good eye...she smells something tempting, and lifts her patch to see what is going on...it is then that she spies gustav...

HEY, SUMAC, I JUST SAVED YOUR TAIL!!
And gave you a companion!

Hmph. Be like that.