Venus in Venice: The Goddess of Love's Dinner Party

Just poking my head in to check out the facilities...

BumbleBeeBoogie arrives for the party
BumbleBeeBoogie stood before Eva's grand palace facing the canal. Her boatman sighed as he blew her a kiss and poled away from the dock.

She knocked lightly on the ancient copper door; the three pearl rings on her fingers glowed against the door's verdigris patina as it was opened by Eva.

BumbleBeeBoogie swept into the foyer with a Loretta Young swirl of her ivory gossamer gown. BBB's hair was done in a figure eight coil high on her head and delicate pearl and gold earrings sparkled in the candle light.

"Eva, my dear, I'm here! Let the party begin!"

MENU

Appetizer
Pan-seared Sea Scallop on Cucumber Sunomono with Black and White Sesame Seeds

Soup
Asparagus Consomme with Asparagus Tips and Enoki Mushrooms

Entree
Hazelnut and Jasmine Tea-Crusted Roasted Rack of Lamb with Grilled Sweet Potatoes, Roasted Spring Red Onions, Baby Squash and Gingered Plum-Apple Chutney

Salad
Heirloom Tomato Tower with Baby Greens and Basil Vinaigrette

Dessert
Poached Peach Shortcakes with Warm Peach-Muscat Preserves and Vanilla Bean Creme Brulee "Sauce"

Champagne Grapes and Raw-Milk Brie


This glorious menu will be prepared by the immortal Cavfancier.
(Note to Cav: I trust that the kitchen meets with your approval? Nothing but the best, I assure you. Give us a description of the facilities, if you please.)

Hmm, they shall suffice...I will comment later. We must add a small pasta dish to the menu, after the soup....I require Fusilli, and will call the creation 'Botticelli's Curls'...must think now....

Eva meets BBB at the door in her bathrobe. The guests have begun arriving early!!!

"Oh my!" Eva blushes. "We're still getting everything ready! Perhaps you could join Cav in the kitchen for a few minutes. He was nosing around the appliances a few minutes ago, and intimidating the staff."

"I expect more people will be arriving shortly. Please help yourself to the champagne! There are several vintages available at the bar. Oh, I can hardly wait until everyone gets here!" she exclaims, running up the stairs to her impatient hairstylist and couturier.

Eva knows the guests will be exuberant, seductive, wildly entertaining and experts at flattery. The dinner is to be an all-out sensual occasion, with appropriate entertainment as would befit the Goddess of Love and her guests. Suggestions are welcomed.

Eva's bathrobe
BumbleBeeBoogie threw her arms around Eva with an exuberant "WOOHOO!"

"Darlin, your understated elegant attire will knock the socks off of those frumps back in Hollywood. Who would have thought of wearing a white mink collared satin robe to greet your guests? How creative and daring of you, Darlin."

"Now, do you have an apron for this ole girl so she can join that sweet Cav in the kitchen?"

The kitchen is grand, but antiquated. The kitchen hamsters will be hard at work poking at wood fires, and polishing the copper pots to perfection. Meanwhile, the garden looks good. The scent of fresh basil is in the air, the tomatoes are almost ripe, and the asparagus has been harvested. The lambs bleat innocently on the plain....ahh, if they only knew their ultimate destination, but self-awareness be the play of humankind, not of sheep...

The cooks are undisciplined...."A goddess pleased today is a goddess eased to lay" was scrawled on the wall. I recognized the childish scrawl, it was....Vincenzo, the new pot-washer from Naples. "Keep your mind on your job and out of the gutter!" I shouted in my best Italian. That settled things. My mind moves to pasta...I envision some finely shaved Parma ham, Reggiano and white truffle oil for my fusilli...

There is a knock at my office door. It is Vincenzo...
"Chef?" he says meekly..."Yes, what is it?"
"Chef, I meant no harm...it's just..it's just..."
"Spit it out already man, we have work to do."
"I am in LOVE weeth thee goddess," he cried in his broken English.
"Of course you are Vincenzo, she is Venus. That is what men are expected to do. While the consomme clarifies, let me clarify to you the meaning of one's station...."

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that the beautiful peasant girl working the herb garden has an eye for the young Vincenzo....what was her name again....

"Pssst...that would be Lucinda, darling. I simply cannot get any work out of her when Vincenzo is around.

"Oh, alright, I am coming!" Eva notices her hairstylist stomping his foot at the top of the stairs. Carlo will be throwing a fit soon if she doesn't sit still. With a flounce of her silk satin robe and a sly wink at Vincenzo, Eva once again ascends the stairs to her waiting servants.

"Vincenzo", I say, "You know what? The pot washing hamsters have things under control. What I need is some fine sweet basil, and some Parma ham, and that terrific Reggiano you know we use....also, some nice white truffle oil, and some fresh white truffles as well...what's that I see...Lucinda also needs some more work. Why don't the two of you fulfill this task for me together."

"Yes, chef, yes." He left with a smile, chef was pleased and continued to work.

"Vincenzo, what a surprise."
"Lucinda, chef himself has given us a noble quest..."

Liberty's gondola arrives at Eva's temple at a slow, sensual pace. The notes from the mandolin nearly hypnotise her, when she realizes it's time to make her entrance. Bacchus happens to be arriving at the same time, and offers his hand to Lib as she exits the boat. "I had a feeling I'd see you here!" she exclaims as he lifts her hand to his lips. "I never miss one of her parties! The Goddess is the only one who can throw a better party than I can -- but don't tell her I said that."

Liberty and Bacchus enter victoriously, only to find themselves nearly dropping to their knees at the sight of Bumblebee. Glowing in her great beauty, BBB glides to the newly arrived to greet them.

"I was about to pour some champagne, but perhaps Bacchus will do the honors."

Bacchus kisses BBB's hand and simply gives her a look that could melt glaciers before pouring the champagne.

"Where is the Goddess?" Liberty asks.

"She's having her hair done." BBB says. "She was ravishing enough in her bathrobe, I can't wait to see what tops that."

"I'm going to go intimidate Cav, in the kitchen!" Bacchus says with an evil grin.

"Good luck with that!" Liberty says as the doors open to reveal more guests.

rrrrrrring!
(The intercom is signaling the kitchen.)

Cav pushes the button in his office. It is Eva. "What is that delicious aroma?! I can smell it all the way upstairs!"

Cav smiles. "It is the new pasta dish I'm working on...I'm calling it Botticelli's Curls."

"Well, it smells simply divine. I'm so glad you decided to add a pasta course. That was the only thing missing from the menu. (aside) Oh yes, Carlo, that will do. That will do very nicely! (back to Cav) Is that a familiar voice I hear in the background? It sounds like...Bacchus. Oh dear, you must keep an eye on him. He will try to add wine to every pot. I know! Why don't you send him down to the wine cellars and ask him to bring up the best bottles for the party. That will keep him busy for awhile."

"Good idea!" Cav says, greatly relieved. Just what he needed, another meddling god in the kitchen....

Just as cav hangs up the phone, there is a voice: "CHEF!" Instinctively, I say "I'm busy watching a moron try to make scones."
"It's me, Bacchus!"
"Bacchus, my friend! Come to try and intimidate me again? Ha! We all know you just want to 'test' the Barolo before we serve dinner...."
"Curses, foiled again." Bacchus let's out a hearty laugh and a gruesome fart.
"Was that really necessary....now I can barely smell the lamb roasting."
"Twas necessary for me, at that moment."
We couldn't help but both break out in laughter. "Come, my friend, I am sure there is an extra bottle of Barolo around somewhere...but do save some for the guests. Umm, I said have a taste....okay...just bring the cases upstairs. Vite! Vite!"

In the alley behind the Eva's palace a sewer grate moves. The lid is lifted and an apparition appears; a visage that has been molded in the depths of hell. It is Gustav Ratzenhofer, friend of Gollum and keeper of the rats.

Gustav struggles to free himself from the confines of the sewer. He stands and surveys his surroundings. Many garbage cans overflow with the rank residue of the meals from various kitchens.

Gustav extracts a chicken bone and begins to munch contentedly. But wait, Gustav thinks, Eva's party will certainly have more desirable food than this.

Gustav straightens his robe, knocks off the clinging rats, and shuffles toward the entrance.

Chef notices a curious odour wafting through the window....just what, or who, could it be...

Cav rings Eva on the intercom. "What should I do? The staff is gagging down here! If the partygoers get a whiff of this, it's all over!" he shrieks.

"Where is this odor coming from?" Eva asks. "Outside? Tell me what you see out there."

"Oh my God. It...it's too horrible for words! It's some sort of monster, wearing a filthy cape and followed by dozens of rats! And it's...it's heading for the front door!!!"

"Calm down," Eva advises. "My parties always seem to attract a few undesirables. I know how to take care of this. Carry on!"

Eva rings the front hallway and alerts BBB, who is greeting guests. "Remember, dear, we do have a dress code. Have Bacchus get rid of the...whatever it is...immediately. Tell him to drown it in the canal."

Chef realizes it is only gustav with the kitchen staff dinner. Rat, Venetian style.

"Thanks for the rats, the local wine, and the rat shears, Gustav...the kitchen slaves will love it. You're early, but that's okay."