Please tell me. I have never been so stressed in my life before. We are relocating across country next summer. My parents are angry with me as a result and pretty much are not at all supportive. My husband's business went belly up and now we need to declare bankruptcy as a result.
As a result of various relocations throughout the company, some people are baling with no back filling on these positions causing increased workload on others. In addition, there are various increases of work due to new products and looking to revamp the way we do things currently. Also, increased work as a result of relocating - hiring new people at the new locations, training them, etc. To add to that those that are not relocating are unsure of how their positions will be effected in the next couple of years. Lots of uncertainty, lots of changes.
I have also had to deal with an employee that this not working up to par and more recently a manger who reports to me that is not doing his work - basically showing up and sitting there, but not doing anything. I have gotten this negative feedback from peers, my boss and my boss' boss and of course I have experienced it. Today he was rude to me and insinuated that I didn't know anything. I had to walk away or else I might have smacked him upside the head. I have scheduled a meeting with him tomorrow.
Also today - I find out about an altercation between my report and another person. This one person who reports to me tends to use his physical size and loudness to intimidate others. So I just got out of a meeting to discuss this with him. Others knowing how he acts or reacts either offered to "check on us" or suggested having some one else there. I opted out of both as even though I am maybe one eight his size, I don't intimate easily. I handled it as best I could (which isn't saying much under the circumstances).
You have a ways to go because you can still describe what happened. The moment you will crack is when you go into self-denial combined with losing the ability to believe in civility.
There are those that lived through the WWII concentration camps to then lead productive and successful lives, and then there are those who have cracked after a failed marriage.
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Region Philbis
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 01:30 pm
you'll be there when your monitor looks like this
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Linkat
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 02:05 pm
I have to laugh my a$$ off though. This particular individual most people are afraid of - for some reason he doesn't scare me. Maybe he is just full of hot air and I also know he does respect me. Anyhow because this individual is so intimidating to others (one guy that was his manager previously was scared sh*tless after a merit review), they sent a director by the meeting room I was having this discussion. A couple of other managers walked by and they saw him and me behind closed doors through the glass. He was standing up and gesturing angrily. I was simply sitting there calming letting him vent. They were afraid he might blow up at me and kill me or something - I don't know.
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Noddy24
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 03:45 pm
Linkat--
I can guess how you must feel.
Two more needles in your hay stack and you are going to be one major sway-backed she-camel. At this point everyone else in the caravan--or any member of any caravan at the oasis--had better watch out.
I know money is tight right now, but can you afford some frugal R&R? Even just weekends when your work is not mentioned might help.
How is your husband dealing with the bankruptcy?
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Linkat
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 04:00 pm
Thanks Noddy - hubby is doing pretty well. He is focusing his energy on getting a job and also having our home updated for our sale next year - I think the busy part is helping him. He also has had much more time to prepare for this than me - he seemed much more aware that something drastic would need to be done as far as the business.
We both have had our moments, but with good moral support from others it has helped.
I think at this point with all the crap I am dealing with - it is almost a joke for me - rather laugh than cry.
I am almost due for my annual checkup at the doctors so I will speak with her as I think I am showing some physical signs of the stress - some chest pains, some difficulty breathing, etc.
Mostly strange as it seems the more stress I am being given, the easier I am taking it.
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Rockhead
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 04:06 pm
My two best friends for stress relief:
A mean-spirited sense of humor (kept private of course) and the Serenity Prayer.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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Mame
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 04:16 pm
You actually sound like you're holding up pretty well, Linkat, considering everything. If you took the realage.com test, you'd see that stressors you're living through add to your age. I laugh at that, though, because in the last 1.5 years, I lost a grandson, had a horrible, horrible boss (quite stressful!) and quit my job, left my marriage, moved to a new town, was the cause of a car accident, and am now unemployed... all of which are major stressors. However, I feel like you - I can laugh at some of those things and be grateful for others.
But, this is about you, so back to you!
I'm so sorry about your unsupportive parents. I thought things were improving?
Losing your business can be viewed as a cloud with a silver lining, no? No more headaches, no more creditors or employee problems, taxes, etc. And now hubby has a clear field to decide what he'd like to do, right?
Sounds like you know how to handle that big, intimidating guy... good for you.
It also sounds like you've got a great support in your husband. I predict it will take a lot more than this for you to crack... you seem very strong.
Power to you.
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Linkat
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 04:27 pm
Thanks Mame.
Sounds like you had a horrible horrible year - so sorry to hear about it. Yes every time you begin to feel the least bit sorry for yourself you hear about some one else that has had it even worse. I think of people losing their homes in CA fires and other horrible things and realize we can pull ourselves through this.
I am thankful for what I have and it may be kinda wimpy to say, but you do grow stronger. That big guy to me is nothing but a lot of hot air, plus he has a certain level of respect for me so it definately helps. I also feel I am a good listener which in these cases can help - some times what angers some one is they feel you can't don't listen their side of things - even if they are in the wrong.
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dlowan
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 05:11 pm
I doubt you'll pop, but you really need to take care of yourself.
Venting here is good!
I do hope you are venting with friends as well????
Exercising?
Beating the **** out of teddy bears?
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CalamityJane
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 05:18 pm
I agree, get a sand bag and boxing gloves and start hitting away, Linkat.
It's a lot for you to chew at once, but with your husband on your side,
you both pulling at the same string, it gives you much more reassurance
to polish off what's on your plate.
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FreeDuck
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 05:19 pm
Linkat, my heart really goes out to you. I've been following along with your threads and I can just imagine how stressed I'd feel in your shoes. You get it coming and going and you have no refuge. Home is not a refuge from work, work is not a refuge from home, your family (parents) aren't there for you.
And even with all of that, you have your sense of humor and your fighting spirit. Hang in there.
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sozobe
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 06:25 pm
FreeDuck said it well, I totally agree.
Vent here if it helps!
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ossobuco
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 10:18 pm
Yes, on Dlowan't comment re venting here being good.
I remember wild haired stress where if someone brought up one simple ordinary thing, like, we've moved the property line five feet, ordinarily a deal-able item, even before cad, or my husband said 'loud jerk' needs to come over and talk, that I had trouble maintaining composure and moving things forward. That was around the time of a will contest, don't get me started.
I sort of made up those examples, but am talking about the 'can't take one more thing' thing.
Usually we can take it.
Still, stress ain't the best thing as a lifetime envelope.
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ossobuco
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 10:19 pm
Oh, and Freedy said it too.
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tinygiraffe
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Mon 12 Nov, 2007 10:24 pm
stress isn't linear.
you might be fine, people can take quite a lot of stress, but sometimes the invisible stress does the most harm. how do you deal with problems you don't know exist? the trick is to be aware of them, avoid and vent stress when you can, and learn to deal with stress, whether you're aware of it or not. it's usually something people put off till later, although probably not for the best.
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Noddy24
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Tue 13 Nov, 2007 08:44 am
Linkat--
Does the world look a little more manageable this morning?
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gustavratzenhofer
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Tue 13 Nov, 2007 09:13 am
She's still passed out, Noddy. Let's give her until noon til we start asking questions.
Let her headache subside a bit.
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Bi-Polar Bear
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Tue 13 Nov, 2007 09:28 am
stress? what's that? Life is beautiful. I'm heading out to the meadow to feed my Unicorns but I'll be checking back in...
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Linkat
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Tue 13 Nov, 2007 11:52 am
Yeah I am venting with others as well. With two kids and a demanding job, I don't exercise regularly - other than chasing the kids and the kids at home as well.
I'd rather beat the sh*t outta some of these so called adults I work with.
Hell, freeduck if I didn't have a sense of humor I would have exploded by now!
It can be so stupid how companies/departments handle things - here they let me go in and talk with a suspected potential violent person about his violence and threatening behavior. So when I come in today (I had already detailed out my meeting with violent man in an email to my director and the victim's director), I asked my boss is she all set - should we have some sort of follow through as he from what he stated is not going to change his ways. Her response - you were brave to speak with him alone - no, no reason to follow up - you let him know he was unprofessional. So what the f*ck did I talk to him for - so he could sit at his desk and stew about this - well at least the next blow up may be entertaining and I feel I know who it will be directed at as the violent man pretty much let me know how he feels about the victim's director!
The world is manageable Noddy. I actually felt good - I think handling an ugly situation as best as I could under the circumstances actually boosted my confidence a bit. Hell I'm the only one not afraid to meet with the violent man alone! The other guys in the office are a bunch of wimps!
Bi-Polar - that's the way to go - living in a fantasy world.
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