It all started when...

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I was sent by my mother to pick up the drycleaning, a mere three blocks from home, when I was 9. I was reading a book as I walked, so naturally, I walked right by it. Engrossed in the book, I eventually walked about a mile or so until, looking up, realized I didn't know where I was.

Fortunately, there was a cop shop near by, so I went in there and was escorted home. Mother was not impressed and railed at me for a couple of days for being so 'stupid'...and that was the start of the belief that I could not find my way out of a paper bag. It has taken me years to overcome that, and I'm still doing it.

I still often don't know where I'm going, but the panicky feelings are gone, thank heavens. So...

What was the start of one of your, perhaps erroneous, beliefs?

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Oh, that's an easy one for me....

The belief that I'm left handed.

Well, I write with my left hand, but I can't think of one other thing I do with my left. Just a little quirk apparently.

Because of the writing, I've been labeled left handed all my life.

My brothers didn't want to sit to one side of me in a restaurant, because they said I would poke them with my arms while cutting my meat.

My mother....jesus....I remember watching her knit, I was pretty little. I asked her to teach me how to do that. "you can't. you're left handed and it would be all backwards for me to show you"

pleeeeassssseeee?

"Oh, all right." And she sat me on her lap and said "OK, this is going to be really hard to show you, but here goes....The main thing is to keep your hands in a loose grip on the knitting needles."

Then, she took my hands in hers and squeezed them really tight against the needles (ow) and said, "you're holding the needles too tight, hold them looser"....me: I'm trying...She squeezed harder (OW) and shook my hands holding the needles saying "Looser! Looser!" Me: I can't!

"oh, you can't do this, you hold the needles too tight because you're left handed!" and told me to get off her lap.

For some reason she insisted that I used the "wrong side" of the ironing board too, although I iron with my right hand, and that I use scissors funny.....with my right hand.... Rolling Eyes

She was crazy, bad crazy.

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my grandmother was presbyterian minister's daughter. she made me believe that nomatter what if you worked hard and did your best things would work out well. Horseshit.

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Oh....why don't you go for a bike ride or something?

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Chai wrote:

Oh....why don't you go for a bike ride or something?

do you believe that? if not STFU

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

my grandmother was presbyterian minister's daughter. she made me believe that nomatter what if you worked hard and did your best things would work out well. Horseshit.

Dude, are you gonna be feeling sorry for yourself on EVERY thread you're in, now? I mean, I see that a few people are indugent of your bellybutton-gazing "oh-how-life-sux-for-me" stuff, but, seriously...

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When I was 14 or so, I'd do babysitting for a bit of cash. One time, I was watching my three cousins: at this time, all young, one a baby, none of them even old enough for school.
I was to make supper, bathe the kids, put them to bed, all the usual stuff. My aunt was coming home late that night.

She called and asked for me to take a chicken out of the freezer, she was going to be cooking it the next morning for some event.
She said something to the effect "Put it in the sink to thaw with some warm water"
Ok.

I misheard her, or something, and ended up putting this chicken under the sink. To be fair to me; there was a big bowl in there that had warm water in it. So, I thought "hmm, that's weird she'd put it there, but she said to put it under the sink." So I did.

When she came home later with the kids all in bed, and asked about the chicken, and saw where it was, she looked at me like I was the most ridiculous incompetent person in the world.

As soon as morning broke, the entire family knew about, were laughing about it, and sharing stories about how I "lack all common sense, always has, how can someone so smart be so stupid with life?"

Oh yeah. That made me feel like ****. I came to believe I lacked all common sense, couldn't do the most basic tasks - but could do complex tasks no problem, and would generally for a very long time after that question myself when carrying out a simple request.
In school, at work, with friends. I was afraid of making a fool of myself unintentionally.

There is more to the story, too, that made it especially poignant for me and why it stuck home so long and so hard.

At that time, I had just earlier lost my dad, I was helping to take care of my brother at home, we had a home care worker there every day so mom could work, we were broke as a joke and mom was well into the sauce to deal, I was doing a lot of babysitting - not one or two kids, I was helping with families with 3 kids up to 6 kids, all young. I was managing to pull straight 'honor' marks at school after being away from friends and my home and all my usual surroundings all summer (living in hospital).

So, I was pretty vulnerable already to feeling like I was somehow out of it, or lacked sense, even though in reality I was doing really good for a girl in those circumstances.

Yeah, it took a long time to fight off that belief, and sometimes I still find myself questioning myself, hesitating before doing something simple or fearing that I will take things too literally.

My fam really didn't cut much slack. They sure did expect a lot of me. The stories all kinda have the same theme: you aren't so bright in life. Not "street smart"
But hey, the end result of ME is pretty strong and fantastic if you ask me nowadays. :wink:

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snood wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
my grandmother was presbyterian minister's daughter. she made me believe that nomatter what if you worked hard and did your best things would work out well. Horseshit.

Dude, are you gonna be feeling sorry for yourself on EVERY thread you're in, now? I mean, I see that a few people are indugent of your bellybutton-gazing "oh-how-life-sux-for-me" stuff, but, seriously...

hey snood, my grandmother WAS a presbyterian minister's daughter.... that WAS her litany.... and I DO think it's horseshit. You got a problem with that then keep it to yourself, or avoid reading my posts, or put me on ignore, or piss off. Whatever.

Chai when I wrote STFU in response to your post, there was supposed to be a laughing emoticon after it. I got the reference to the other thread and thought it was funny.No offense meant.

:wink:

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

[quote="snoodChai when I wrote STFU in response to your post, there was supposed to be a laughing emoticon after it. I got the reference to the other thread and thought it was funny.No offense meant.

:wink:

I figured as much, no harm, no foul bear.

Also, last night you were indicating you were going to get shitfaced, so I figured you were just all being.....well....shitfaced. Cool

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semi shitfaced dear.... I never get really shitfaced on the job...I may a navel gazing whiner apparrently but I'm a hardcore pro on the job. :wink:

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Chai wrote:

Oh, that's an easy one for me....

The belief that I'm left handed.

Well, I write with my left hand, but I can't think of one other thing I do with my left. Just a little quirk apparently.

Because of the writing, I've been labeled left handed all my life.

My brothers didn't want to sit to one side of me in a restaurant, because they said I would poke them with my arms while cutting my meat.

My mother....jesus....I remember watching her knit, I was pretty little. I asked her to teach me how to do that. "you can't. you're left handed and it would be all backwards for me to show you"

pleeeeassssseeee?

"Oh, all right." And she sat me on her lap and said "OK, this is going to be really hard to show you, but here goes....The main thing is to keep your hands in a loose grip on the knitting needles."

Then, she took my hands in hers and squeezed them really tight against the needles (ow) and said, "you're holding the needles too tight, hold them looser"....me: I'm trying...She squeezed harder (OW) and shook my hands holding the needles saying "Looser! Looser!" Me: I can't!

"oh, you can't do this, you hold the needles too tight because you're left handed!" and told me to get off her lap.

For some reason she insisted that I used the "wrong side" of the ironing board too, although I iron with my right hand, and that I use scissors funny.....with my right hand....

She was crazy, bad crazy.

Were you born just after the period when people were taught NOT to be left-handed?

My husband and a couple of other people I know are both - not ambidextrous, but he writes right, shoots the puck left, tennis right, but golf left... go figure. I think they're special.

Sorry about your mom - my mom's bad, too, but not crazy.

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

my grandmother was presbyterian minister's daughter. she made me believe that nomatter what if you worked hard and did your best things would work out well. Horseshit.

Yeah, it often takes more than hard work and doing your best. And for some people, it doesn't work out well no matter what they do.

We're all going through a tough time right now, aren't we? A little navel-gazing oughta be allowed.

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mushyP - good for you. Sorry to hear your family are/were like that... doesn't do anyone (including them) any good. Power to you, girl.

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Mame wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
my grandmother was presbyterian minister's daughter. she made me believe that nomatter what if you worked hard and did your best things would work out well. Horseshit.

Yeah, it often takes more than hard work and doing your best. And for some people, it doesn't work out well no matter what they do.

We're all going through a tough time right now, aren't we? A little navel-gazing oughta be allowed.

no navel gazing... chin up... be like fried eggs... keep your sunny side up...
snood has spoken,,,,

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He might have spoken, but who's listening?

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backatcha, Mame.

And bear - I like you. And if anyone who likes me sees or hears me talk like you have been the last couple days, I hope they care enough to tell me to wipe my goddam nose and stop feeling sorry for myself.

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tough love... I feel so.....comforted...

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Unfortunately my father told me what I couldn't do more often than what I could do. So ultimitely I'm a slow decision maker.

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[quote="Mame"[Were you born just after the period when people were taught NOT to be left-handed?

[/quote]

Funny you should bring that up mame.
In fact, her sister was left handed, and I remember "the story" (more on that in a moment) of how the nuns made her write with her right hand. My mom felt that was so wrong, I guess seeing my aunt, who became right handed in writing, struggle, that she made it a point to let her kids write with whatever hand they wanted....my sister, for instance, is REALLY left handed.

Having done a lot of soul searching about my mother, along with distanced, non-sentimental observation, I can, from an adult standpoint say that my mothers main view of her children was one of apathy.

Well, apathy if we were doing what we were "supposed" to be doing, which was, not rocking the boat.

I think you can tell mame, that I was a bit of a boat rocker. Very Happy

When boats were rocking, it wasn't upsetting to her so much that we might be headed down the wrong road in life, or needing guidance in the big things. It distressed her that someone/something was making her come out of her stupor of apathy, and, whether it was something small, like knitting, or something big, like questioning ones role in life, it was to be quashed immediately.

Honestly, she didn't possess the tools to be a parent, and shouldn't have been one....but, I guess considering the time, it was expected, and she was all about doing what was expected. Sadly though, she didn't know what to expect from her children, and didn't care to learn.

Wow, that felt good.

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my parents weren't equipped for parenting either Chai and if I didn't fear being scolded by snood I could tell you a couple of stories that would make your hair stand up.

It's a wonder some of us function as adults in the real world at all.

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