~ THE DEMAND FOR MARRIAGE ~

They made love tenderly and had pushed the covers to their feet.
She rested her head against his shoulder and he liked it,
even though he knew that she won't stay in that position for
very long and she would end up turning to fall asleep.

Suddenly she looked at him straight in the eyes and said:
"I love you, I want to marry you".

She had said that so softy but with such assurance that he
did not know what to reply. He smiled, pressed her up against
him and kissed her for a long time. He in turn wanted to show
her gratitude just as strong as he had just received, but was
afraid.

The days that followed were difficult, mainly for him.

He felt that the demand for marriage spread between them like
a mist, which was not dissipated by the sun.

What was strange was that he was more uneasy than she was.

She showed no concern and did not appear to be anxious to
receive any reply whatsoever to her proposal. He did not know
what to do or what to say.

To gain time and to explore his own heart, he believed that it
would be good to test whether this proposition was tenable or not;
he thought "what if I show her my hidden face, that of a mad man,
a mood as variable as the barometer of Cape Horn?
What if I allow her to see my frailty, my weaknesses, and my
lack of tact?

What if I become angry, violent and tell her that her love
terrifies me. That I do not deserve the serenity that love
brings to me and that I am closed to the concept of happiness?
Will she change her mind about wanting to marry me?"

He then all at once became insensitive with other girls:
he seduced for getting the feeling alive... but as soon as the
fish is hooked...it was catch and release. The angler runs away
letting the captive suffocate on the bank.

He continuously acted so well to demonstrate to what extent
he could be disagreeable that she never again spoke about marriage
and her wish for happiness with him.

After a few months it had gotten to the point that she had to
leave. Before doing so, she noticed he had his computer on and
left him a message on it:

"Often, the need to know is a pretext for not moving forward".

oo0oo

And you, have you already, refused the happiness to live together
because you had the fear of acting without thinking? Do you think
that on every occasion you must reflect? On the contrary,
don't you believe that the most remarkable and the most important
things in our life sometimes call for moving with a naïve heart
and beneficial spirit?

If some one has confidence in you it is because you are
considered worthy of the trouble.

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"To live and to judge one's life -- which man is capable of both?"
Jules Renard

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