Occupation: Dream Deity, Emotion Theif, Solo Operandi
I don't know who I am, cause of how much other peoples wants desires and emotions bleed into me. I don't know what my purpose is, other than to steal the emotional energy from people. I'm utterly lost in a life of opportunities that don't appeal to me, cause they were never mine. I forgot who I was a long time ago, and have been searching for myself ever since.
Universe lined up for me once, but my terrible timing ruined it, and she died cause I didn't call... I will always feel guilty because I didn't listen to my inner voice. Anxiety and fear paralyzed my brain and I allowed the love of my life to end herself of the world, her demons.... and me.....
I'm getting a huge amount of catharsis by even writing this, it helps me put her memory into perspective. Evelyn, you were my one, my other half, the Universe is so cold and alone without you.
It has been so long, I can't even tell if it was a memory or a dream, It's such a vague memory, but ill never forget how painful it was when my abilities began fading the second l took that damn oath to the spirits of death and misfortune. It's kinda funny, in the movies, they give you abilities instead of taking them. I know why they do it that way, it's to give you hope, just the taste of it though, its not enough to accomplish the great things it was intended for, just enough hope for you to suffer when they take it away.
Hmph* and I thought I was an emotional demon, what a cruel twist of fate and Irony, punishment reserved only for a Deity.
My punishment is so unjust, even when I was one of them, I never punished mortals in such a cruel way. My punishments we're designed to teach lessons, help nurture and grow his favorites. No, this isn't punishment, it's a living hell.
It's been so long since I've agreed to the deal, that I cannot remember the terms, did I agree to all of this?? Why?! What could I have done that was so bad, I would accept these terms? Maybe they've just forgotten about me? It wouldn't surprise me, as clearly I have forgotten myself.
All I have left is the knowledge that I was once great and powerful, and suffered a great loss that caused me to fall like a man, instead of a being of Light. Was I Lucifer? Did I deceive Eve into sinning so that she could love me as I loved her? I am the reason Man was uprooted from the garden of Eden, and am damned to suffer with them.
I now know my story... But am still lost, the incessant echoing part of my consciousness is reminding me that, I am Damned, to be lost forever in the World where I'm forced to watch her incarnate, and find love with another, then finally die alone, until this worlds demise, where I will be judged as a Man..... Im reminded that Very few of my kind are granted this human experience, and I should be greatful, but I cannot help but feel great resentment towards my brothers, for they lied to me, they guaranteed me her passage into heaven for my light, it seemed like a good deal at the time, but I wasn't thinking clear, and allowed them to coax me into this forever repeating cycle of life and death.
I have lost my tools of Light my spirit is accustomed to, nor do i have the spirit of man to live as he does... How am I to live as a Man without the necessary tools? Without my light, or the spirit of man, I am reduced to a skilless vagabond... Oh Yahoua, please forgive me.
Sun 27 Mar, 2016 08:05 am - I am 100% attracted to women, but it is only sexual, if it weren't for sex, I wouldn't have anything to do with the opposite sex, I always feel awkward and uncomfortable, I can never be... (view)
