How to make a hip-hop music video 101

I'm blown away at all the creativity that goes into hip-hop videos, it's great. While at the gym last week, there were a few that came on in a row on the tv's. Even though they're pretty complex, I think I've got it down.

So you've sold a few thousand copies of your singles, and feel it's time to throw a video up on VH-1 and/or BET? Here's a gameplan for putting together a bangin' video.

1) Rent a Hummer with 22+ inch chrome rims, an exotic sports car, and a Ducati motorcycle. Even though you can't quite afford even the lease payment on any of the above(except maybe the bike, but your mom won't co-sign on your terrible credit), you have to let the world know you've made it by the vehicles you stand in front of in your video.

Don't actually DRIVE any of these vehicles(rental agreement doesn't allow you to drive with suspended license), so sit in them while the production crew moves fake background to simulate you driving.

2) Rent some semi-hot female dancers & actresses. Because you have a Hummer, women in bikinis will crowd around you on the street, and wiggle their asses to your sweet hip hop beat, that was composed using a Casio keyboard and an obscure rythym and/or vocal track found on a single from the 40's. With your sh!tty rapping over it.

3) In song, make mention of drinking whatever liquor that Pdiddy mentioned in his last single. Because you want to be cool too.

4) Rent some "ice," or "bling." Diamond plated chains & watches are expensive, and you may not have a dime to your name, but now even these can be rented, too.

5) Don't dance. Just throw up fake gang signs to camera, to show how "hard-core" you are. If you want to be REALLY hard-core, borrow a pit-bull for the video.

You're done, and off to a soaring music career. Drive home in your mom's Civic with chrome plated hubcaps, and wait for the checks to pour in.