Re: I love myself but I don't particularly like me
Heeven wrote:It's taken a while but, over the years, I've come to love myself - flaws, faults and all. And while this is all fabulous, my self-loving-fan-club, I subconsciously know that if I were to meet me (another replica of me) in any environment, I would not particularly like me.
I've often wondered if I should work on me - the day-to-day me - and try to improve her or try to make her a nicer person, but then I get into a love-fest of myself and think "why should I, aren't I fabulous already?"
I know I am arrogant (at times). I have caught myself extolling B.S. like there is no tomorrow and yet I would sniff at any other poor fool who did the same. I am generally of the opinion that I am almost always right and find it difficult not to sulk like a two-year-old when I am challenged or proved wrong.
I can be quite opinionated and aggressive (when I feel strongly enough in the subject matter). I have hurt people verbally and internally kicked myself for doing it when I see the hurt, and cowardly didn't apologize or recognise that fact to them so it wouldn't fester with them later.
I can be a poor friend. I have them fit into my schedule and not the other way around. I think I push people (outside of my immediate family) who want to be my friend away, to a certain degree. I've wondered, once or twice, if I would benefit from relationship therapy but I don't care enough to do more than wonder. I am perfectly happy not having a truckload of friends that I have scheduled dates with because (I think) I prefer a more solitary personal life, fitting in only the ones I am extremely fond of. Is that odd? Am I strange?
While I am talking about the negatives above, don't get me wrong, I am neither happy nor unhappy with who I am. I generally don't think about it, except once every so often. I look at people, couples, families, very close girlfriends and I sometimes feel like I'm the odd one out. Am I not conforming to the social norm? Am I unable to?
Not really expecting any advice here, just putting my thoughts into words today, because it's not something I generally do - think about who I am and what I see when I compare me to others.
Heeven, You name some qualities in yourself that aren't all that likable. (Poor friend, hurting people, arrogance, etc.) Since you're sufficiently self-aware to know that you have these qualities, you're judging yourself and decided you don't like yourself.
We've known each other for a long time in a distant cyberspatial sort of way. I have never seen these qualities (and don't want to), and I like you a lot.
Everybody is flawed, except possibly for me. (If pressed, I could come up with a flaw or thirty). I would not and could not be by friend. My friends tend to be very different from me. The yin yang thing or whatever.
Don't know where I'm going with this. I'll follow your lead. But I do know that you almost always make me laugh or smile. That counts for a lot in my book.
So be a selfish bitch. Just be amusing about it.
