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Thu 26 Apr, 2007 11:46 am
It's taken a while but, over the years, I've come to love myself - flaws, faults and all. And while this is all fabulous, my self-loving-fan-club, I subconsciously know that if I were to meet me (another replica of me) in any environment, I would not particularly like me.
I've often wondered if I should work on me - the day-to-day me - and try to improve her or try to make her a nicer person, but then I get into a love-fest of myself and think "why should I, aren't I fabulous already?"
I know I am arrogant (at times). I have caught myself extolling B.S. like there is no tomorrow and yet I would sniff at any other poor fool who did the same. I am generally of the opinion that I am almost always right and find it difficult not to sulk like a two-year-old when I am challenged or proved wrong.
I can be quite opinionated and aggressive (when I feel strongly enough in the subject matter). I have hurt people verbally and internally kicked myself for doing it when I see the hurt, and cowardly didn't apologize or recognise that fact to them so it wouldn't fester with them later.
I can be a poor friend. I have them fit into my schedule and not the other way around. I think I push people (outside of my immediate family) who want to be my friend away, to a certain degree. I've wondered, once or twice, if I would benefit from relationship therapy but I don't care enough to do more than wonder. I am perfectly happy not having a truckload of friends that I have scheduled dates with because (I think) I prefer a more solitary personal life, fitting in only the ones I am extremely fond of. Is that odd? Am I strange?
While I am talking about the negatives above, don't get me wrong, I am neither happy nor unhappy with who I am. I generally don't think about it, except once every so often. I look at people, couples, families, very close girlfriends and I sometimes feel like I'm the odd one out. Am I not conforming to the social norm? Am I unable to?
Not really expecting any advice here, just putting my thoughts into words today, because it's not something I generally do - think about who I am and what I see when I compare me to others.
yeah, you pretty much suck.
come over here and say that!
Heeven sucks ? ! ? ! ?
Uhm . . . anybody got her phone number?
Heeven sounds like she is her own best friend and is quite comfortable in her own skin and that the rest of us can just go to hell.
Nothing wrong with that.
Hell, I'll go to hell. It's warm there.
I don't know if the fact that you wouldn't like yourself if you happened to meet yourself means much.
A good friend of mine introduced me to another friend of hers. She explained that we had SO much in common, etc. It was true. We're spookily alike. But we just didn't hit it off. We liked each other fine, there wasn't any problem per se, but we didn't have that spark of "hey, I like you!" that makes a friendship.
We were both yin to my friends yang, or yang to her yin; but whatever alignment needs to happen for a friendship didn't happen.
(As I write that, I wonder if part of it might have been that we both were resistant to the idea of being herded into a friendship -- "I'll find my own friends thankyouverymuch.")
Setanta wrote:Heeven sucks ? ! ? ! ?
Uhm . . . anybody got her phone number?
I was so tempted to respond to that little minx and tell her I had covered myself in chocolate .... to suck away! But then I thought that my 'serious' post would degenerate into filth. Hoo-boy!
No, it is not a bad thing. Did you not read my entire post?
minx: a seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to exploit men
oh yeah, that's me all right.
I'm working on coberst right now on another thread. I told him he was sassing me.
heeven, I think you are a tart.
What kind of tart? Strawberry?
(I'll only be serious here for a moment. I completely understand what Heeven is saying. I cannot imagine someone whom it would irritate me more to keep company with than a clone of myself.)
gustavratzenhofer wrote:No, it is not a bad thing. Did you not read my entire post?
No, I lost interest halfway through reading it. Too long, I can't fit you into my schedule.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:I've heard that before.
Ick! I've never called my doodah a schedule but I think I'll start doing that.
Ick? I don't believe I've ever heard an eastern gal utter that word. I thought that was more of a midwestern thing.
We are living in the end times.
Exactly Soz. I have a sister who is quite similar to me (in personality). While I love her to pieces, I wouldn't pick her as a close friend.
I have another sister who is the yin to my yang and she is my best friend. I never tire of talking to her or being around her.
I have a question: What does it mean to "love yourself?" I'm seriously asking because I don't have a clue what the hell people mean when they say that. You say you love yourself, but don't think you like yourself? How could that be?
I love myself as in -
I think I deserve everything good that I can give myself.
I think I come first. I do not put others ahead of my wants and needs.
I think overall I give myself high worth.
I don't like myself as in -
I recognise some traits about me that I would berate someone else for.
I dislike my weaknesses, and my excuses for having them and not doing anything about them.
I could be better but I don't try.
I am selfish.
With all these things that I don't like about myself, I still think I'm the cats pyjamas, so this is why I can love me but not like me.
Does that make sense?
As a matter of fact, gus put it very succinctly below. This is exactly how I feel. I love me. I don't have a problem with me. But if I met someone exactly like me, I wouldn't like her.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:Heeven sounds like she is her own best friend and is quite comfortable in her own skin and that the rest of us can just go to hell.
I've just realized .... Gus understands me!
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