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Wed 21 Feb, 2007 09:16 pm
It was the craziest thing. I was walking through a herd of my cows today, kinda pushing and shoving my way through since they don't like to move for anyone, and one of the cows lifts his tail in the air and deposits a big old steamer right at my feet.
I jumped back to avoid any splashing and was just about to continue on my way when I happened to glance at the now solidifying mass of crap and noticed the outline took the shape of an NFL football helmet and there, encased in the helmet, was the unmistakable imagery of Brett Favre's face.
It was unbelievable. That same vacant look which I have seen so many times on Sunday afternoon was now encased in a pile of cow crap and staring up at me. He almost seemed to be mouthing the words, "Help! Let me out of here!"
One of the cows started backing up and almost stepped on Favre, but I quickly pushed him away, realizing I had a potential ebay item on my hands.
I now have the solidified Favre Crapface (that's what I am going to call it on Ebay) in a container on my porch. I am looking for my digital camera so I can start the process of submitting said crapface.
But, before I do that, since I have known Occom Bill, sozobe, and gargamel for so long, I am going to offer them first chance to purchase this scatological gem.
My starting price on Ebay was going to be five thousand dollars, but I will let one of the aforementioned three have it for one thousand dollars less, or, according to my math, four thousand dollars.
Any other member of A2K besides those three who might express in interest in the crap may have it (assuming the original three pass) for only four thousand, five hundred dollars.
I await your replies.
$4,000! Right here! Gimme!
What a deal!!!
Gus calls his cow a him. I can't believe anything else he says.
Don't do it Soz, it's a fake. I saw Gus out in the field molding that thing into the shape of a face with a helmut.
("pushed HIM away"? - I assume this cow was a bull)
Gus, quick, we gotta make this happen before O'Bill or anyone else shows up. PM me your bank account info and I'll wire you the money RIGHT AWAY!
Dang it Sozobe.
I was about to offer my origami version of Rex Grossman in trade.
One day I was sorting through my junk mail and crumpled up one of the 3 offers I had recieved from a mortgage company offering to reduce my mortgage payment. I tossed it toward the waste basket and instead of neat spiral it wobbled like a wounded duck and fell a couple of yards short. As I went to pick it up I noticed the blank stare of the Superbowl losing quarterback. If you hold it just right you can see Grossman's completion percentage in the superbowl complete with the % sign. On the other side is the average amount of money Grossman recieved in salary for each attempted pass for the entire year.
I was so hoping I could trade with Gus because a cow pie even if it does have the face of Brett Favre in it is worth more to me than this Rex Grossman.
<crap being packaged and addressed to sozobe>
I won! I won!! <squeals and runs around hugging everyone in sight>
Bill is going to be extremely pissed.
The other day I saw a pile of dog crap,, and in that crap appeared John Madden's face. I was about to collect it, solidify it, and put it on Ebay as well.
Then I realized every pile of dog crap looks just like John Madden's face.
Re: One of my cows produced a cowpie that looks like Brett F
gustavratzenhofer wrote:It was the craziest thing. I was walking through a herd of my cows today, kinda pushing and shoving my way through since they don't like to move for anyone, and one of the cows lifts his tail in the air and deposits a big old steamer right at my feet.
I jumped back to avoid any splashing and was just about to continue on my way when I happened to glance at the now solidifying mass of crap and noticed the outline took the shape of an NFL football helmet and there, encased in the helmet, was the unmistakable imagery of Brett Favre's face.
It was unbelievable. That same vacant look which I have seen so many times on Sunday afternoon was now encased in a pile of cow crap and staring up at me. He almost seemed to be mouthing the words, "Help! Let me out of here!"
One of the cows started backing up and almost stepped on Favre, but I quickly pushed him away, realizing I had a potential ebay item on my hands.
I now have the solidified Favre Crapface (that's what I am going to call it on Ebay) in a container on my porch. I am looking for my digital camera so I can start the process of submitting said crapface.
But, before I do that, since I have known Occom Bill, sozobe, and gargamel for so long, I am going to offer them first chance to purchase this scatological gem.
My starting price on Ebay was going to be five thousand dollars, but I will let one of the aforementioned three have it for one thousand dollars less, or, according to my math, four thousand dollars.
Any other member of A2K besides those three who might express in interest in the crap may have it (assuming the original three pass) for only four thousand, five hundred dollars.
I await your replies.
I don't believe you HAVE any cows....because if you did you would know that they are the girls.
Therefore, I do not believe your story of the miraculous cowpat.
patiodog wrote:Gus calls his cow a him. I can't believe anything else he says.
Damn that Patiodog.
I am as smartarsed as he is, but he gets his damn bum in quicker.
Curses. Foiled again.
Green Witch wrote:
("pushed HIM away"? - I assume this cow was a bull)
Not necessarily GW.
Gus (and I have every faith in the things gus posts) may be raising steers. It is quite common if perhaps a little un pc to refer to a mob of steers as cows.
dadpad wrote:Green Witch wrote:
("pushed HIM away"? - I assume this cow was a bull)
Not necessarily GW.
Gus (and I have every faith in the things gus posts) may be raising steers. It is quite common if perhaps a little un pc to refer to a mob of steers as cows.
Crap.
Steers are referred to as steers.
Anywhere that can be taken seriously, anyway.
Dont you "crap" me you small warm furry non native environmental disaster, I will BOUNCE! on you.
Now, who do you think people are gunna judge as the expert knowitall on bovines? you who lives in a jungle (albiet a very small one) of concrete and steel or me, man of the land who can deknacker a bull calf with his teeth.
Anyway it was probably just a typo on gus' behalf.... cows/steers..... see they're very similiar when typing.
dadpad wrote:Dont you "crap" me you small warm furry non native environmental disaster, I will BOUNCE! on you.
Now, who do you think people are gunna judge as the expert knowitall on bovines? you who lives in a jungle (albiet a very small one) of concrete and steel or me, man of the land who can deknacker a bull calf with his teeth.
Anyway it was probably just a typo on gus' behalf.... cows/steers..... see they're very similiar when typing.
Heh marsupial balls.....I come from a long line of bush folk...cut my riding teeth on mustering.
"Mob of steers?"
Uh, that would be a herd.
Great, now I can't believe anything dadpad says either.
And, let go the dmn wabbit, mate.
squinney wrote:"Mob of steers?"
Uh, that would be a herd.
Great, now I can't believe anything dadpad says either.
And, let go the dmn wabbit, mate.
(Pssssst.....we often refer to "mobs" of cattle...and even sheep...in Oz. And kangaroos.
The goddam marsupial is correct in his nomenclature on that one.)
Herds of dairy cattle are often referred to as cows. There's maybe one bull for every 100 females. What's the point of even mentioning the guy?
Bulls - males
Heifers - young females
Cows - females that have calved
Steers - I won't make the men wince by describing the process but it involves a device that looks like a large bolt cutters. 2 snips and done. Some blood. A lot of loud noises and the result is one angry steer. The process for pigs is different. There it is a device like a large rubber band that cuts off blood flow until certain items fall off. (I hope I didn't say too much.)
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