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Thu 3 Jul, 2003 02:15 pm
I've always fantasized about my retirement. I'd be in a rustic setting. Never mind that I've always lived in the city, that I don't know a weed from a flower, that I don't know one tree from another, and that houses make me nervous. We're talking fantasy here. I picture a small house with a screened in porch. A front yard with flowers. And a backyard with lots of trees. Strung between two strong trees is a hammock. An old-fashioned, canvas hammock. I picture myself lying in the hammock on a warm summer day, swaying gentlly. I look up and see the sky. I hear the breeze rustle through the leaves of the trees. Bliss.
This is where reality rears its ugly head and screws up the works. I can't get out of the hammock. I'm like a turtle on its back struggling to right itself. I need a hydraulic lift. I need a crane. I need a new fantasy.
You just tryin' to cheer yerself up, huh, Boss?
I've lots of experience with them there canvas hammocks. It's a hell of a lot easier to get out of one than it is to get in it. Don't do much fer your dignity, but gettin' out is easy . . .
Setanta, I grunt and groan getting up off the couch. How can getting out of a hammock be easy? And if I get down on the floor, I stay on the floor. Can't get up. Is there a trick to the hammock business?
City Girl- Hmmm...............
You live in a gorgeous high rise on the upper East Side of Manhattan, with panoramic views of the East River. You spend your days going to the theatre and concerts. You become a member of the board of your favorite museum, and run glamorous events so that the museum can raise money to build a new wing.
That more suitable???
In some places in Brazil every room has hooks for hammocks. I used to sit under the mango trees in hammocks all the time.
I think getting in is far easier than getting out.
Word of caution:
Don't sleep in a hammock, they are comfortable for a nap or to just rest but are horrible to sleep in.
Might just be me though (like the getiing in vs. getting out thing).
To get out of a hammock, of the old canvas variety, it is only necessary to roll onto one's side, and swing the legs over . . . the trick is not to start the roll, and keep rollin' until you end up face down on the ground . . . yup, Roberta, you got city gal writ all over ya . . .
How about a nice can lounge for the lying bit, and a swing for the swaying bit?
Or a big swing seat you can lie down in, with a motor to make it sway?
Phoenix, The one element I'd need to complete the fantasy you've conjured up for me is MONEY. Do you know what a theater ticket costs these days?
Setanta, Okay, I roll out of the hammock and land face down on the ground. Now what? I can't get up from there. I crawl to the house?
Craven, Ooh, I like the idea of indoor hammocks. I fear, though, that if I get in one, I won't just fall asleep in it--I'll die in it.
Deb, Motorized swings? Not a bad idea, but how will I hear the rustle of the breeze through the trees? It's always something.
Roberta- Didn't you say this was a fantasy???
Phoenix, If it were a 100 percent fantasy, I'd be able to get out of the hammock!
Always remember to pick something up when you fall, Roberta. Saves bending over one more time.
Roberta,
Complete your fantasy by changing coasts. Come live near Muir Woods and Mount Tamalpais in your lovely rustic home. Then, when you just have to get back to the city life, drive 30" and you're in San Francisco ... I'll meet you there and we'll do up the town!
Roberta
Sounds like the hammock is giving you way too much trouble, so I think you're going to have to lose that one. How about one of those really cozy lounge chairs.
Don't quit on that hammock. Simply acquire a"HAMMOCK ALERT" personal alarm. If you get hemmed in and hampered in dehammocking/dishammocking/unhammocking, just press the "HAMMOCK ALERT", may be worn on a spiffy lanyard around the neck or on a stretchy wristband, Y locker key couture. You may add an option that not only will bring rescuers, but specifies the type of "Hunk" you''d like as your own personal hero. Another option allows you to choose what dessert you would like to enjoy once up and out.
Hey, hold fast to dreams!
Roger, Thanks for the tip. I'll keep it in mind.
Sweetcomplication, Thanks for the invitation to the West Coast. As much as I'm a city kid, I'm also an East Coast kid. I've been to the location you mention. Gorgeous. And if I'm ever in the neighborhood again, I'll let you know. San Francisco is a town I've enjoyed doing up.
Montana, I've been picturing that hammock for a lot of years. But you're right. I looks like it's more trouble than it's worth. Another dream gone up in smoke. Another bubble burst. <insert Bronx cheer>
Hey, Roberta! Nextone has an idea there. You could pretend to have trouble even if you're not if you've got a choice hunk to come and bail you out ;-)
Nextone, What a great idea. Press a button and a hunk appears. Hmmm. To hell with the hammock. Where's the button?
<sigh> speaking of fantasies ...
Craven's become a Bunny!!!!!!
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