My friends country song - rate it please

I like this very much. He gets five stars from me.

Thank you Edgar...

I shall pass that on!

The computer system is down at work today - can you tell?

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You have a friend?

You cheeky bugger, DP

I've got lots of friends, some of them have been my friends for two whole weeks!

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Personally Paul, I feel that the wife is being left out of this song to a certain degree...

So, if you don't mind, I've added a few verses on her behalf. All a bit hurried you understand, so they could possibly take a little polishing up.

It includes your first verse.

(HER)
Well we're three months behind with the mortgage
An' little Billy's failin at school
The roof is leakin
Ma and me ain't speakin
An I ain't nobody's fool

You always leave the toilet lid up
So I keep on getting stuck
And when you get drunk
You smell like the skunk
That you keep in the back of your truck

That guy you bin hangin' round with
He stares when you're not there
That one legged louse
May be good around the house
But he steals my underwear.

An' the money you bin hidin'
Well, you ain't gonna find it no more
It went to Tom Dagree
Who spent it on Viagree
And now he's got me pinned to the floor

So don't come round here a askin'
And saying things like how you want me back
My lovin's not so passive
And Tom IS rather massive
So I'm spending most of my time in the sack.



Personally, I think it adds a certain touch of class to the whole thing.

Lord E has missed his calling. Nashville awaits! It's not too late!

The Lord is a man of many talents, country song writing being one of them.

One one never expect such talent from an Englishman.

And of course, his reply...

I somehow know'd you always wanted love
Your libido was the talk of the town
But e'er since I was run over
By that cowpoke down in Dover
The only way it pointed was down

I've been to see Doc Williams down in Hogsville
The one that visited me for my piles
He says that with god willing
(And the pain will be a killin')
He can bend it up again for me, big style

He's seen this stuff on them thar emails
That makes a manhood stiff as a board
It involves plaster of paris
That's in stock with Edna Harris
The lady who bin runs our local store

She's arrangin' fer her sister, the one with all the blisters
To mix it up and make me a splint
Then Doc Williams and his daughter'll
Coat my schlong with boiling water
A procedure that is sure to make me squint

And when the plaster's cooled a while
Ol' Doc Harris gets to work with silicone
He'll shave my pubic hair
And inject me here and there
Then he'll test it just to see how big it's grown

So, If I get as large as massive Tom,
And find another place to hide my money,
I keep the toilet seat down
Send one legged Jack to town
Will you come back and cook some food for me, eh honey?

If you say you'll come back to me my darlin'
I've some beans and beef that's stored up in the shed
You can stew 'em all fer dinner
'Cos I'm gittin' mighty thinner
An' I need some strength fer when we are in bed

I love you more than my dawg:

I looked over the fence this mornin'
Just as the world was dawnin'
Thought I saw mountain peaks
But it was just yer butt cheeks
So big, there were snow caps a a'formin'

Chorus:

I love my dawg, but I love you more
I love your hand, more than I love her paw
She may be warm and hairy
But she aint the bitch I'll mairy (that's 'marry' in an American stylee)

Oh, when will you say 'I do'
So I can stick, like glue, just to you
I'm so sick of whorin' , to me that's just borin'
That case of crabs is all gone, this I swear
Why don't yer check out my pubic hair?

Repeat Chorus:

I love my dawg, but I love you more
I love your hand, more than I love her paw
She may be warm and hairy
But she aint the bitch I'll mairy (that's 'marry' in an American stylee)

Ha! Brilliant!

Although, I'm glad you stopped there, smorgasbord, as gawd knows what would've happened in the next few verses.



Maybe we should open a venue in Britain, to showcase this stuff, something like they have in Nashville, you know.... "The Grand ol' Oprah".

Where do you think this should be located?

I reckon Batley is classy enough for this type of thing. The locals don't speak English though, so we'd have to rely on tourists.

Re: My friends country song - rate it please


Smorgs, your buddy (imaginary or not) is obviously a talented guy!

That there song brung a tear t' mah brown eye little lady. (craw daddy)

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Glad I could help yer git out all them there emotions, DP

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Does he do both kinds of music, Country and Western.


head em up, move em out.

Ride 'em in, count 'em out!

No, he only likes Western...

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