Reply
Thu 8 Jun, 2006 09:00 am
Judge Orders 'Rock-Paper-Scissors' To Settle Dispute
TAMPA, Fla. -- A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute the old fashioned way -- with a game of "rock paper scissors."
In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded lawyers for their inability to agree on a location where they can take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.
Presnell ordered both sides to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.
The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.
"We're going to have to do it," said David Pettinato, lead attorney for the plaintiff, Avista Management. "I guess I'd better bone up on rock paper scissors rules."
If the loser disputes the game's outcome, that lawyer can appeal to the judge at a hearing on July 7.
Rock paper scissors has become serious competitive business in recent years, with regional tournaments determining the players in a world championship.
Last year officials of the auction houses Christie's and Sotheby's engaged in a game of rock paper scissors to decide who would get to sell a $17.8 million collection of art offered by a Japanese electronics company. Christie's won.
This will set an interesting legal precedent. What's next, deciding on jury members with a game of "Old Maid"? Bail or not with "Chutes and Ladders"?
Beats pistols at 20 paces...
Not when it involves lawyers, it doesn't.
Hey, without lawyers, I'd be out of a job.
Aaah, 'twas just a joke.
Maybe we'll see the pistols at 20 paces soon, too. It might be fun for them to be paintball guns. Lawyers should be allowed to use them on eachother during opening and closing arguments, too. Jazz things up a bit.
Instead of trials, they should settle everything via paintball tournaments.
Hell, I'd show up for jury duty just to see that!
Now we're getting somewhere. We'll have this legal system fixed in no time.
Actually, they could televise the tournaments and then NOBODY would have to show up for jury duty!
This is an excellent idea.
Put 'em on Pay-Per-View, and make some money in the process.
Maybe get some washed-up actors to host, and revive some careers in the process.
The size of the alleged damages would dictate the size of the teams. For major lawsuits, you could have an army. For Small Claims stuff, just the two parties.
Do you know how much more interesting shows like Texas Justice and Judge Joe would be if they handled things this way?
God, the visuals I'm imagining are making my day better.
How would appeals be handled? Would you have to take the same team in, our could you rechoose sides?
You'd rechoose sides, I think. It would make for better entertainment.
Of course, we'll need to come up with a reason to include
these.
Paintball grenade
Paintball grenade launcher
Paintball mine
Paintball rocket laucher
And of course, paintball armored fighting vehicles:
Don't forget the air support.
I'm not sure which is worse-- the guys who have the time to come up with these things or the guys who have the time to surf the internet to find
pictures of these things!
And the heavy fire support.
The paintball minigun/gatling gun.
Depending on the source, she shoots up to 280 paint balls per second, with a miniumum of 100 per second. This, my dear friends, is total fire suppression a la paint ball.
Yes, this thing is real.
As to which is worse, I would have said "both" until I found this monster.
Well, you guys have certainly made my day. Hope it's been a bright spark in yours.
Now where the hell is NickFun these days? He's missing out.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace