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Fri 5 May, 2006 07:26 am
I was listening to a show on the radio this morning and one of the hosts mentioned the fact about how when the Falklands Islands were first inhabited in the 1700's there was a severe shortage of wood so the settlers used penguins as kindling.
I didn't have enough time to research this issue and determine if there was any validity to the story, but I do have an abundance of penguins around here which I keep by the shores of the swamp for aesthetic and entertainment purposes and I also have a large pile of brush I've been meaning to burn, so I figured why not sacrifice a few penguins in the interest of science.
I grabbed two penguins and placed them at the base of the brush pile. Several times they tried to waddle back to the swamp so I had to tie them to some of the larger branches in order to stabilize them.
Once they were firmly in place I pulled out my hand Zippo lighter and held it against the stomach of the first one. Poof! That bad boy went up in flames so fast it barely had the time to let out a death chirp. The flames threw me backwards and my hat caught on fire. The other penguin spontaneously combusted just because of proximity.
I sat there knocking the fire out of my hat and was amazed how quickly the entire pile of brush was consumed. Soon, only ashes and several penguin skeletons, looking like some sort of post-apocalyptic sentinels, remained.
I would like to suggest to the A2K members to use penguin kindling for any upcoming bonfires or barbeques you are planning.
Tomorrow's lesson: Using the bill of a platypus for a spatula.
You are such a putz, Gus. There are no penguins in the northern hemisphere . . . you've been burning
puffins . . . sheesh, get a clue . . .
Huh?
Penguin kindling is NOTHING to bent old geezer kindling....the geezers are dryer, or something.
They tend to pop a bit, though, so have a fireguard.
Does that puffin have a beard?
Setanta wrote: you've been burning puffins
That is why they went puff
I prefer cats and kittens... The Dark Lord says He likes them best as well.... and they make the coolest noises when you light them...... surprised you aren't on to that Gus.....
After reading
this article I feel kind of bad about burning those two penguins.
I'm going to take Bear's suggestion and burn cats next time. There's plenty of feral cats around here. Might as well put them to use.
If you learned anything from that article, Gus, you ought to have learned that it would make far more sense to go kill a whale and render the oil from it.
I managed to take a picture of the second penguin as he was spontaneously combusting. I'm not very good with this digital camera stuff, so I sure hope my picture will show up...
I just checked my calendar, set, and the amount of time I have available for whale hunting is minimal.
Yes, but it you could make a little time, you'd be set for years to come . . .
I have found if you soak a body in rum it works great as kindling. The longer you soak it the more evenly it burns.
You do need to keep it away from Hungarian workers while soaking however.
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=73973&highlight=
No penguins where I'm from.
However, there were always teens hanging outside where I lived in Holland smoking their joints, and sometimes, when they were stoned enough, they'd only find out they were on fire when it was too late to scream.
Not that I needed kindling tho.
well seasoned cats are easy to stack (alternating heads and tails)
dyslexia wrote:well seasoned cats are easy to stack (alternating heads and tails)
held by the tail they also make a great toilet brush.....
And toilet brushes make great back scratchers . . .
Penguins spend so much time in the water, that I would think they would be too wet to really be good kindling. I think a dryer animal would work better - maybe that is the reason so many on here prefer cats.
Bears would burn longer though..
nimh wrote:Bears would burn longer though..
Bear, upon hearing nimh's statement, decides to make an hasty exit.
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