It was raining dogs and cats, the the petter patter of water hit the bucket he put under the leaking roof. The tv was on Jeopardy, and the phone rang as the high scorer was about to answer. ****, he said, as he stood up from his sofa. As he was about to pick up the phone, the door bell rang. He wasn't sure why so many things were happening all at once; then he realized, he was in a deep sleep.
It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it wasn't that dark yet, and the storm front wasn't due for another 24 hours, but Fortesque was blind and had just stormed out of the house after an argument with his seeing eye dog. Unfortunately, he didn't see the truck coming as he crossed the street. Fido laughed to see his master crumpled in the median. It was a high, doggy laugh.
He went to the car. He opened the door. He got in the car. He closed the door. He put the key in the car. He turned the key. The car started. He put the car in reverse. The car backed up. He backed into the street. He put the car into drive. The car went forward. He looked ahead to the stop sign. At the stop sign he stopped. He turned left.
(Who needs flowery when you can just write something that is downright awful.)
Hey, parados, you sure know how to torture your readers. LOL
The man blew his nose onto the sidewalk but some of it got onto his wool suit. Two ladies at the bus stop had been watching him with disgust and revulsion on their faces but now they tittered.
And couldn't help themselves to loud guffaws, with tears in the eyes.
parados wrote:He went to the car. He opened the door. He got in the car. He closed the door. He put the key in the car. He turned the key. The car started. He put the car in reverse. The car backed up. He backed into the street. He put the car into drive. The car went forward. He looked ahead to the stop sign. At the stop sign he stopped. He turned left.
(Who needs flowery when you can just write something that is downright awful.)
Wow, that
was pretty bad! I couldn't read through the whole thing, even...very oogy, pardos.
When did I first notice that I was coming down with Alzheimers? well, I cant really recall.
It was when I tried to use my house keys to start my car when it suddenly dawned on me....oh, oh...
I laughed until I cried. Literally. One minute I was laughing then all of a sudden I was crying... great huge gulping sobs, big fat tears rolling down my face, snot dripping from my nose.
It was embarassing -- it was only a Knock-Knock joke.
So there I was, balls-deep in a goat's ass...
(Singular worst opening sentence right there.
(For an autobiography at least))
That even works in a work of fiction. LOL
I lay there on that lumpy, bug-infested mattress, listening to the rain drip, drop by endless drop, drip, drip, drip, and my nose started to drip in sympathy. I didn't have any clean sleeves left, though, so I had to just let it drip, which it did, down the side of my face, as if in slow-motion, and I waited with excruciating patience for it to slowly make its way down my cheek near my ear but it seemed to run out of speed right about then and it never did drop onto the dirty sheet.
He had told her the day before that he knew, and that he knew that she knew he knew. She said she knew he knew she knew and that she knew that. He came back with "I know you know I know you know I know!" and stormed out.
He liked her, yes, he did. Not as much as he thought he would, but certainly more than he used to. More than he liked Wanda. And Jennifer. And yes, Ellen, too. Certainly more than Ellen.
There wasn't anyplace to go but up; down was simply not an option. Sideways was impossible, too, and diagonal didn't exist. He had already spent quite a bit of time going backwards and forwards, so up he went.
It was a dark and stormy night.
PLEASE continue. This is the most fun I've had since c.i. took the wrong train in Amsterdam. Had he been to one of those notorious cafes?
I took a wrong train in Italy but got where I was going somehow anyway... it's easily done, that's for sure.
As she left, he smiled. Because he knew she'd be back. He knew. He just knew. He couldn't explain it, but he knew. Just as he knew everything else he knew, he knew. He didn't know how he knew it, but he did, indeed, know it. He knew.
Sometimes you just come across an obstacle that you cannot ignore, much like a zit on the tip of your nose you keep spotting whenever you take the trouble to look down from the towering height of a standing adult teacher to the cringing massess that constitute a group of sitting children.
Whenever I find an obstacle like that on the way, incredibly annoying, not so much in an offensive way like when the neighbors dog always pees against the fencepost at EXACTLY the moment I walk out of the front door, but more in the quiet 'in your face' kind of way like the woman I want to marry who is however dating the police officer who has already giving you two speeding tickets and, as you suspect, an equal amount of illegal parking tickets because you just happened to give his nephew an F for a truly appalling essay unfortunately having said police officer as the title character, I get the violent urge to take a gun and make it go away.
Whereas I have retained enough common sense yet not to apply such tactics to the police officer, I have found out to my detriment guns make a poor tool for zit control.
