Probation Card Found at Burglary Scene

Somehow, I can believe this story.

I supervised a guy once, who burgled a dentists (gold and drugs are the target)

The dentist, a big South African rugby player, came back to the surgery to pick something up and entered the building through the rear door.

He heard a noise in one of the front practise rooms, burst in, turned the light on and shouted "Who the f*ck are you?"

My guy was scared sh*tless by the sudden arrival of the dentist, and replied "Mark Flynn", before jumping out of the front window (street level) and running away.

The police were waiting for him when he got home.

Another pair of idiots, when stopped by the police, gave each others name and address, thinking they would fool the cops. They were amazed when the police arrived on their doorsteps that evening, in order to talk to their parents.

Another, after a lengthy chase on foot, ran up to his girlfriends apartment on the tenth floor of a tower block. Seconds after he disappeared through her front door, the police bashed their way in and found him in bed with the girl.
She swore blind that he had been there all evening, so he pleaded not guilty and it went to trial.
I was in on this case, and heard the persuing officer's testimony......
"I proceeded to run after the accused, up ten flights of stairs blah de blah
.....I then entered a room and found the accused in bed with Ms Gruntlightly, whereupon she informed me that he had been there all evening and had been engaged in activity of a sexual nature.
I didn't believe this, as it was apparent that the accused was breathing heavily, was red in the face and was perspiring profusely.....Ms Gruntlightly, however, was not, and was also fully dressed.

He was found guilty. I am amazed sometimes, at how an entire courtroom of people can sit there with a deadpan face when this sort of stuff goes on. Mind you, nobody dares look at anyone else. Just a fixed, blank expression. I always try to imagine I'm sucking a lemon.

The only time I was present in court when everyone fell to pieces, was when a WPC (Woman Police Constable) was giving evidence regarding a rather portly burglar had tried to evade arrest and had got firmly wedged whilst trying to climb through a window.

WPC:- As I approached he said "mumble mumble mumble" (she's going red in the face at this stage)

Magistrate (rather deaf) "I'm sorry, could you speak up a bit"

WPC:- He said "MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE"

(flicker of smiles around room)

Magistrate "No, sorry, you'll have to speak more clearly"

We had all heard it, and were waiting. Giggling now evident.

WPC:- HE SAID "F*CK ME, I'M STUCK!"

Everyone collapsed into laughter, whereupon the matter was adjourned for a short while.

Yep. I had clients who were so dumb the cops got to their place before they got home from the crime.

Well of course! All my articles are true stories.

Love yours too, by the way. :wink: