You got a problem with that....?

There's very little 'small talk' that can't be gotten out of the way in 20 words or less.

Anything else is superfluous.

oH this is fascinating!!

And I know just who will find it even more fascinating...

It even helps explaining some of the dynamics in our relationship <nods>

(And I'm purposefully ignoring that the author is Deborah Tannen just like I purposefully ignored the Tannen book that was pushed on to me then and seemed awfully shallow to me at first browse)

Funny.

I'm definitely the Midwesterner in the comparison. I never got a word in edgewise at the family dining table cause my sister did all the talking, and i wouldnt ever got the chance.

That is, thats how I felt it. There was never the kind of pause or moment for me to start talking myself, is what it was; but then, for those who dont need that moment, it woulda just seemed awkward to let it happen.

So, I didnt say much.

Course, with A I got in the same situation - she being from LA but definitely being the New Yorker in the comparison.

(I remember when her and her friend first visited Amsterdam, and to the sound of a Dutch guy (or even girl), theirs was a fast rattle of slangy sharp-witted, bold-to-outrageous, street and empathic, very American ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. We ended up at some place of a friend of the guy that her friend had met in the club, an Amsterdam basement at 5 or 6 in the morning, some guy sleeping out back and five or six of us hanging in couches, most of the Dutch being too drunk or far gone or tired to say much (and we Dutch are known - notorious - for being loudmouths, if you ask a Belgian or German about it), and the two of them were still stopping and starting in furious up-front patter - and I realised that for those Dutch folks whom we didnt even know - the reason we'd gotten to be there in the first place (they were the kind of Amsterdammers who themselves would never have spontaneously hung out with non-Amsterdammers if they knew it, youno, peasants like me) - the reason we were there (apart from homeboy wanting a piece of A's friend) was because ... they were just fascinated - spellbound. Like having MTV live in your room or something. (Like, look - they really exist!)

(If you're planning to come to Amsterdam any time soon, this only works if you sound more like Trina than Ethan Hawke)

Anyway. That was fun - I loved it - but then there were the times when I was eaten up in frustration cause the talker in the relationship was, by the sheer act of being the one to start talking again (and most always about herself), by definition the one consuming all the care or energy or interest in the house - the air - and so I was perennially drained, and it seemed that. Nobody. Ever. Even thought of asking about how I was. Had even a clue about what I was feeling (and it wasnt good).

Huh.

Weird tho. Now I'm living in Budapest. Sometimes I hang out with people from here. There's a Hungarian girl who talks a (fucckin) lot - but often enough, I find myself, in conversations, playing the pushy part - yeh? really? oh man - yeh i had that once, <takes over, etc> - I mean, once and when I do get into it - and some of the locals' reactions are between oh-yes-this-is-the-thing and ... well, downright taken aback.

And when I get in a chat with someone American and the conversation is fast, eager, lively and somehow seeming to be you know, totally down-with-it even if its really about nothing, I go like - oh yeah, this is the thing - how fantastically easy! Like with that American girl last summer.

Trippy.

Well, SOME things can be responded to in only one word......



PHFFFFFFFFT!

It was worse in Russia tho. There I felt outright American. Actually, two of the guys here who I have to often screech myself to stop with again when I realise that I'm, I dunno - intimidating them or interrupting them - are Russian.

But in Holland I'm embarassed at my compatriots full-of-themselves' loudmouthedness.

I guess I'm more or less OK here then. <nods> But coming across an American (a NY type American I mean I guess, or someone from where A. is from) is cool tho. Whoosh!

I was born in New York. I grew up in the rural South, and so have never much cared for cities, but always felt comfortable in New York, and around New Yorkers. It used to be hilarious to see my father and his sister at family gatherings, speaking with a marked Bronx accent a mile a minute in a roomful of South Carolinians and Georgians. They were both born in Houston, Texas, but their father had moved to New York when they were still toddlers, and they grew up there.

Because of family connections and visits, i was, even as a small boy, comfortable in that city, and never dismayed by the speech or the mannerisms of the natives. The obnoxious ones are the "foreigners"--the not from New Yorkers and the tourists in Times Square. My experience of New York for fifty years has been that its a friendly, homey kind of neighborhood place, once you get away from the hype and tourist crap.

I gotta read this whole thing?!? Who has the time? I gotta go.

Joe(see you on the A Train)Nation

What a fascinating topic. It explains many puzzling situations to me in a way I never analyzed before. I've lived all over the U.S. and have mostly been able to assimilate into wherever home is at the moment, but that's my chameleon/Gemini nature.

My supervisor is a midwesterner and rarely comes here. He supervises us by phone mostly. I know my interjections in our weekly conference calls are startling to him, and I try to restrain myself. I guess I'll try harder. Conversations on the phone can be even more confusing sometimes.

My dad grew up on a farm in southern Illinois. Mom's family is Jewish and from Brooklyn. I've always thought of him as quiet and thoughtful and her as somewhat self-centered and overbearing. But that's not the whole story, of course. This concept is very helpful. I need to read more about it.

Naw, just read every other line.

whadaya think, I posted this for my health?

City life is set at a much faster pace, as opposed to rural life....it's only natural that this is going to be reflected in our speech patterns as well as how we interact in conversations. New Yorkers, or city folk in general, are probably just as friendly as the rest of us, it's just that in the south/midwest there is simply more time for politness.

In my neck of the woods, talking over someone is rare, most conversations involve one person talking while the other nods from time to time, and the occasional hmmm....just to show that they are listening.

:wink:

Yes but...I wasn't raised in a city. Actually, I think the geographical region of this article needs to be extended. I was, oh....100 miles or so south, on the Jersey Shore.

Growing up, we thought people from NY talked faster than we did, etc., but if you were say, from Iowa, you couldn't have seen the difference. It's all relative.

I left NJ when I was about 20. I'm 47 now.
A few months ago, I went to NY for a long weekend/business trip, about 5 days.
One of the days, I rented a car and spent the entire day just roaming around familiar areas of my childhood.

The one thing that stood out to me was that no matter where I stopped, I ended up making a friend. Albeit a 5 minute friend, but a friend.

I would imagine I was fodder for a few conversations that evening....

Hey, ya know you I talked to today? Some lady from Texas. Yeah, TEXAS, jeez......I don't know how people can live there, but she seemed ok......

hehehe...I even got a picture of the woman who sold me a Linden Tart at Friedman's bakery. I told her I went to St. Rose down the street and was just here looking around.
She was like...."of course you went to Saint Rose" I knew what she meant, because everyone goes there between/after class to get a bagel or black & white. No suprise I'm back after 25 years.

You got a problem with that?
When I was in high school I was visiting a girl in my class who lived out on Long Island. Another friend of hers, who went to a different school, asked her if my sister and I were foreign!

We were both born on Madison Avenue in Manhattan.

Go figure.

I had a boss who talked to me across from another room. I think this is rude even though he was a nice guy. Sure remember the graffiti covered subway too.

My boss does that, (talks to me from another room) and she was born in Pflugerville Tx.

Is there a nice way to get him to stop doing that? I am concerned as it is hard to figure out who he is referring to. His voice can be heard in many adjoing offices.

When she does that, I just refuse to answer.

Or I'll open the intercom and say "Were you talking to me, or someone else?"

Then, I'll hear snickers from ajoining offices.

Thx. I drink to that.

For years, people have told me I have an accent and assume I'm from up North. I have always lived in Texas, except for a brief stint in Iowa. I don't understand this. I spent a few days in Boston but that doesn't produce an accent...

This is a great article. Thanks Chai.

I often get asked if I'm from Texas...even from people that live 30 miles north of me. My accent and speech patters are very simlar to Billy Bob Thortons.

ooooo...

Are you like Bad Santa?