The Ellpus foundation needs YOU!

It appears that that the Ellpus Foundation has been diddled out of what could have been a tidy sum of money.

Some months ago, I was approached by a business consortium, asking for rights to reproduce the image of Droitwich manor, so that they could use it on all sorts of tourist memorabilia.
I refused their advances, as I thought that it would only advertise the place even more, and we already suffer with throngs of bloody colonials in the summer, leaving gum all over the promenade and fiddling with my bulbs in the wild meadow.

So, in order that I should still be able to exploit a situation of the old cash in the back pocket without the taxman finding out variety, I agreed to them using the image of my secondary residence down in Torquay ( Lord Ellpus Hall).

They umm'd and aaagh'd a bit, eventually agreed, and made an offer of 5% royalties on any tourist junk sold, assuring me that it would produce buckets loads of moolah.

Well....it would appear that sales haven't gone as well as planned. To be honest, sales have been bloody disastrous, with most of the clobber being withdrawn and overprinted with a picture of that awful Euro disney place.
OUTRAGEOUS!


However, there is a small silver lining to this cloud, as ONE piece of Ellpus memorabilia survives, making it VERY RARE INDEED.

The problem is, that it has been on a certain auction website for 9 days out of ten, and has only attracted one bid of 50p (which only makes me 2.5p in royalties).

The bidder is one "w36rabbit", who I can only presume to be dlowan. She is obviously aware of my recent financial restraint, and the fact that I am having to drink brandy that is less than 50 years old as part of an economy drive.
I wouldn't dream of asking you to support my cause, but would just like to point out that for every extra £100 that can be raised on the price, I can purchase a medium quality cigar.

If this piece of old tat.....hold on?


If this VALUABLE ANTIQUE OF THE FUTURE ends up going for less than £1, I have warned Penbury that the staff could have their food rations cut by 50%, which means that they would then only receive TWO meals a week, instead of the overly generous four.


I await your gestures of generosity with great anticipation, and will let you know the final selling amount, and how many cigars I have managed to buy with the rake off.

Thank you, my dear and generous friends. The best friends that a man needing money could ever wish for.

Item number 7005135338


The VALUABLE ANTIQUE OF THE FUTURE in question ....




A close up of the VALUABLE ANTIQUE OF THE FUTURE.......



My, doesn't it look like a VALUABLE ANTIQUE OF THE FUTURE!!












This appeal was on behalf of the Ellpus Trust Foundation. The EPT raises money in order to restore the wine cellars at Ellpus Hall, and to re-stock them to their former glory.
The EPT is a non profit organisation. Donations should be made in cash, using old notes. Foreign currency welcomed.