A Day To Remember for Lord Ellpus: January 20, 2006

Well, this is what the Californian horoscope said:

Hope you enjoy your night out on the town, LordE!

(Love the bling)

Lord E...

Half a damned century... Bloody good show, old boy.

(did that sound convincing ?)

Okay,

Pass out with your ass out...

(That's more like it.)

Oooooh, I'm Pisces ! ! ! Make friends with me, please, please! I'm very nice. And I hear you're getting old, you'll need someone young and fit to keep you from getting bedsores and such.

Time: 8am GMT.
Place: Gawd knows.
Smell: Vague wafts of bacon being grilled.
Noise: Distant sound of radio playing "Urban spaceman" (Bonzo dog doo dah band)
Tongue: The texture of an inferior quality golfing sock.
Mouth: Like the inside of a Korean ditchdiggers flip flop.
Head: Throbbing like a honeymooners loins.
Bed: Warm, slightly steamy and covered with 40lbs of snoring greyhound.


Good morning everyone, and thank you Walter, for your marvellous work on graphics.
When my eyes have focused, and once the bloody phone has stopped ringing, I shall endeavour to read your messages that are no doubt filled with wisdom, love and gentle diplomacy.
I know the members of A2K are kind, so I am pretty confident that none of you will have made any wisecracks regarding the need for false teeth cleanser or walking frames.

I will now get my caffeine fix, suck on a bacon sandwich and walk the dog.

I'll be back............

Good morning, young quinquagenarian!

Congrats L E. Have a great day.Celebrate in a way only us Brits can :wink:

Did a dog bark somewhere in the distance, too?


walter, how do you do that? i want to learn!

You made it, Ellpus.


Dammit, I am almost happy for you.


Smoooooooooches!!!!!

Half your life is over.

Wait.

um, I need to say something more uplifting......



forklift.


Joe(i wish i could remember when I turned fifty)Nation

Thanks for that, Joe(I know how to worry the bugger)Nation.

I am flying about all over the place today, answering the phone, shooting over to see my mum who insists on seeing me today, so that she can stuff some home made cake down my throat, and then going on to meet some friends for one or two pints of frothing foamer at the local.

Then it is back here for a quick scouring and a shave, dress in my finest pair of jeans and wait to be taken out by my family. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am going up the Prince of Bengal tonight, which is funny, as I thought he was in New York.

Then it is on to my OLD local from years ago, to meet up with several old mates who are going to be just as decrepid as me by the end of the year.

No doubt the weekend will follow the same pattern, so I would probably think that my posting will be a rare occurence for a couple of days, and what I DO manage to post, will probably be totally incomprehensible.

My thanks to Letty, Noddy, Osso, Sturg, Roger, Jespah, hbg, djjd, Chai, Eva, LT(x), Cypher, Francis, dlowan and Barry for all their kind wishes, bicuits, cakes and busty women.

However, I must issue a formal written warning to CJ and Dag, that any further mayhem caused on this thread will result in a joint session of mild discipline. It would have been a medium discipline session, but I now have to watch the old ticker, seeing as I am in my fifties.





My horoscope forecast has to (as it always does) combine both Aquarius AND Capricorn, as I was born on the "cusp".
This just about sums me up, as I am a horny old goat who tends to carry a lot of water.

Capricorn.....A sharp link between Saturn and Uranus is now beginning to lose the power it has had over you lately. The chaos and pain that has been making life so challenging is about to start ebbing away."

Aquarius....."A particular person is giving you all the worry you can cope with. When we are being tested in this way, or pushed to our limits, we must have faith that things will get better. Do your best, as the solution to your biggest problem is nearer than you think."


Now...I tend to amalgamate these two forecasts, in a random way, so as to arrive at an Aquaricorn reading.

Hence......"A sharp person is giving you a problem in Uranus. When we are being tested in this way, the pain that has been making chaos will get better with a solution.
The problem is that you are being pushed to the limit, but have faith, as it will soon be ebbing away.


Looks like I'd better apply some vaseline, then......

Psst . . . happy birthday

<singing lustily>:


Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear Ell - pus!

Happy birthday to you!




Oh, why was he born so Beautiful?

Why was he born at all?

(I can never figure out, Ellpus, why folk sing that last bit, but I've sung it anyway)

So, you're driving a Saturn now, LordE? Was that a birthday present from Amurricans?

Looking forward to the disciplince session. Along with CJ, how exciting. Don't worry, we'll go gentle on you.

Thank you, Msolga. You have a lovely singing voice.

The final part is a well known rugby song, sung to bring the person who is being complimented back down to earth with a bump. It usually follows "for he's a jolly good fellow", and goes "Why was he born so beautiful, why was he born at all......he's no bloody use to anyone, he's no bloody use at all"
All done in the best of spirits, usually whisky.

Psst.....thanks, Edgar. Well done on the old publishing thingy by the way, old boy.

I shall now polish up my special spatula.

oooooh <shiver>. here, let me whip out my brand new garlic press, meat tenderizer and cherry de-pitter. got new ones for the occassion.

I hope you're enjoying your birthday lord. Happy Birthday to you and many, many more to come.