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Sat 14 Jan, 2006 06:17 am
You know what I'm tired of? Those video clips that you get in your email. Not the ones that show some kid running into a wall or a cat jumping onto the ceiling fan - those are hilarious and will never cease to be for the single fact that watching other people hurt themselves is a popular way to reflect on your life and realize that Gosh!, it isn't so bad, after all.
The clips I hate, however, are the ones that show some serene village or a car driving down a dusty road, passing grass (not to be confused with passing gas), as if there wasn't a care in the world when "AAUUUUGH!" Some ugly face jumps out of nowhere and startles you so much that you have to run to the nearest bathroom and pull down your pants just to see if you left anything in there that will taint your next laundry cycle. You then search for the source of that weird ringing noise you hear until you realize that it's your own ears and yes, you will have to tell your therapist about this in the morning.
I honestly don't see how this could be such an endless source of amusement for some people that they feel they have to share the joy with you every chance they get. Some say that it's funny to scare their friends.
First of all, the only joy a person can get out of scaring someone is by being there and watching them get scared witless and then endlessly digging up the story at every single social function you two attend. Sure, it's not entirely appreciated by your friend, but at least the opposite sex finds it attractive when your friend gets that unique smile that shows that they both find it annoying, but don't want anyone to notice, and want to jump on top of you and strangle you to death, but don't want anyone to be around to stop them.
Second, it's not even scary - those videos just startle you. Scary is when you chase someone around with a bloody chainsaw for half an hour. Startling is when you sneak up on your partner while they are cooking dinner and then yell "BOO!"
and what does that get you? A greasy paring knife to the gut and a trip to the hospital. Clearly, chasing people around with bloody chainsaws is the better alternative.
So please, don't send me any more of those video clips that startle me or I'll be forced to return the favor
with interest.
Quite right individual. Chainsaws are always better - except for the noise, of course.
Yup.
I have yet to do actual field research on this subject, but I hope to get government funding in the near future.
You could take my word for something, but, well go for the grant money if you can get it. I'm sure you will end up like the guy that found out that rattlesnakes do not make good pets - to wit, chainsaws are noisy.
Well, I figure that with grant money comes unlimited funds for shiny new gardening equipment. Unfortunately, I would have to thoroughly test each item to prove that I'm not wasting money -- but I doubt my neighbors would appreciate being chased with a garden hose, lawnmower, assorted pottery, or any combination thereof.
I might be able to throw a few items your way as payment for volunteering as a test subject.
". . . garden hose, lawnmower, assorted pottery". Best be working on your sales pitch before you start writing grant proposals.
Are you saying that you wouldn't want to fund an endeavor as important as this?
It could stand a more upbeat packaging, is all I'm saying. I mean, chased down the street with a lawnmower. . . ?
What if it was one of those riding lawnmowers with handy attachments and a cupholder? Eh? Didn't think about that, now did you?
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