Breakfast treat contains heroin!
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. -- A new cereal company is about to release the world's first breakfast cereal containing heroin!
The Purple Haze Cereal Company has just announced the national rollout of new Junkie Flakes. Each box of the cereal contains crispy wheat and rice flakes, almonds, granola bits, raisins and two tablespoons of heroin extract. It will sell for approximately $125 per box.
"Our market research revealed a tremendous demand for this product," states Purple Haze Director of Communications Eric "Poppy Fields" Cassidy. "We're targeting our promotional campaign to basically three segments of the public: Former hippies who are now upscale establishment burnouts, Alpha dog overachievers who will pay any price to keep up with the Joneses, and AM radio disc jockeys.
Cassidy reveals that the new Junkie Flakes have tested so well that the company has decided to expand into other foods. A Purple Haze research team is developing additional narcotic-filled food items, including:
Corned Beef and Hashish
Low-Fat Marijuana Brownies
Pepperoni and Horse
Tranquilizer Pizza
Egg Salad Ecstasy
LSD-elicious Stir Fry
Carb-Free Cocaine-Kabobs
"The government and the Justice Department haven't hassled us at all over any of this," reveals Cassidy. "I'm not saying that has anything to do with our company president's generous donation to Bush's reelection campaign, but I guess that didn't hurt."
Aw, come on now.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace