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You are not going to believe what happened to me.

 
 
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 12:20 pm
Most of you think I am just a simple capybara farmer and that I very seldom stray far from home. That is mostly true, but I do have a secret side -- I am an international man of disguise, scouring the globe in my never-ending quest for new and exciting animals to add to my menagerie.

There's a reason for traveling in disguise. If I was in, say, Morocco, looking for an elegant yellow-billed parrot I wouldn't get very far dressed in my customary overalls. They'd nail me as a tourist right away and charge double the asking price for the aforementioned bird. So, in such a case, I wil wear my African parrot peddler costume. They figure, "Can't mess with this guy, he knows his birds" and I will get the parrot at market price.

Last year, disguised as a Mongol herdsman, I was able to procure an exceptional yak in Khan Khentii.

And not too long before that, I purchased a fossa in Madagascar by wearing my Egyptian missionary disguise. (The natives of Madagascar consider Egyptian missionaries to be evil spirits and give them good deals on animals just to get rid of them)

But, back to the point at hand: I was in England recently, looking to purchase a common housecat. I know what you're thinking -- "Why couldn't you just grab a cat in America, Gus?"

I have American cats. I wanted an English cat. Simple as that.

So, anyway, I figure the best disguise to wear for purchasing an English cat for a bargain price would be my "sixty-year old Southwest American woman disguise"

I put the disguise on and headed for the nearest cat selling establishment. On the way there I had to make a quick phone call and to my dismay I discovered my battery was dead. "Damn" I muttered, and started scanning the street for a shop which might sell batteries. Straight ahead, I saw such a shop. I was a little hesitant about going there, because of the line in front of the shop, but I needed to make a phone call, so I approached the line.

The last guy in line was this short, fat bald guy with open sores on his face. He craned his neck to look up at me and smiled, exposing a set of teeth that looked like a broken picket fence leaning against some rotting tombstones. "Would you like to go in front of me?" he asked.

I'm thinking to myself, "Hell, yes, I don't want to be staring at the infected bald head for the next twenty minutes" But I remained polite and said, "Why thank you"

Then the guy looks at me and says, "Are you American? I seem to be picking up an accent."

"Yes, I am," I replied, trying to be as terse as possible hoping he would shut up so I din't have to listen to that nasal, whining voice any longer.

But he continued, clueless, "Are you on vacation?"

I had to think quick, make up a story, so I said, "No, I live here. I was married to an Englishman, but he died."

"Do you still communicate with the States?"

"Yes, I read the papers on the internet, and make an occasional phone call"

This is when he dropped the bombshell...

"Have you ever heard of Able2know? It's a fascinating site. I am a regular member and there are quite a few Americans there."

It was at that moment..... that precise friggin' moment, that I knew I was face to face with Lord Ellpus.

I didn't know what to say. I should have just said "no" and left it at that, but I had to go ahead and tell him that I was not only familiar with it, but also knew quite a few of the members by name.

He turned bright red, started sweating like a stuck pig, and then ran away, looking back at me as he did, his flustered face a contortion of agony, his bald head pouring streams of sweat, his fat little body jiggling in a comical fashion. "I'M McTAG! I'M McTAG!, he screamed, and then he disappeared into the throng on the sidewalk.

I caught one last ray of sunshine glistening off his head as he turned the corner. And then he was gone.

What the hell are the odds of something like that happening? Have you ever had a chance encounter with someone from A2K?

I wonder if Lord Ellpus will ever mention this encounter?

Probably not.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 1,479 • Replies: 23
No top replies

 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 12:25 pm
Heeheehee...
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 12:26 pm
nope..
dont belive you








oh wait.. i should probally read it first
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 03:43 pm
Hmmm.......there is an odd ring of truth to this one.


I was always wary about the thing that ate his left testicle one, though.
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 03:51 pm
hmm, cracks are starting to appear in my theory that gus and lord ellpus are the same person


although this chance encounter could have been some psychotic episode that took place in front of the bathroom mirror
0 Replies
 
Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 04:27 pm
I'm devastated! He's short? Wait, how short? Could I balance my beer on his head?
0 Replies
 
colorbook
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 04:36 pm
hehe


So, did you ever purchase the English cat?
0 Replies
 
littlek
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 05:55 pm
Did you get into the cell phone store before closing time?
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 06:15 pm
EL CHUPACABRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!




Just saying.
0 Replies
 
Stray Cat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 09:38 pm
Quote:
I know what you're thinking -- "Why couldn't you just grab a cat in America, Gus?"


Just what the hell do you mean by that Gus? (backing slowly out of door)
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 09:57 pm
Great story gustav! I laughed out loud and am still smiling....
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 10:09 pm
Re: You are not going to believe what happened to me.
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
But, back to the point at hand: I was in England recently, looking to purchase a common housecat. I know what you're thinking -- "Why couldn't you just grab a cat in America, Gus?"

I have American cats. I wanted an English cat. Simple as that.


This is quite sinister. Not so long ago, an A2K member lost her cat. If I remember correctly, you claimed that you grabbed it and told us all that you ate it. You made a cat sandwich, so you said. You spit out the collar.

But that was just another unbelievable story . . . as the cat eventually returned home . . . pregnant . . . .
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 10:16 pm
Actually, that was a cloned cat; the original was eaten by gus - I believe. Here's something he may wish to go after in Bali, a white peacock. Give me a few minutes, and I'll post the pix.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 10:19 pm
I'm not sure how rare they are, but it's the first one I've ever seen.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v97/imposter222/BaliandSingaporeAug-Sep2005142.jpg
0 Replies
 
Stray Cat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 10:27 pm
Quote:
If I remember correctly, you claimed that you grabbed it and told us all that you ate it. You made a cat sandwich, so you said. You spit out the collar.


AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
0 Replies
 
AngeliqueEast
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Sep, 2005 10:55 pm
http://geocities.com/sherlockiana/sherlock.gif Yes indeed he was the one. Case solved.
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Sep, 2005 03:33 am
you know there is another thread somewhere...


...this is just like deja vu all over again
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Sep, 2005 05:00 am
NOW the lordy's story makes sense. And to think I almost didn't believe him. Great to hear it from the other perspective though.
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Sep, 2005 08:25 am
BBB
Why is there always an insensitive bore who wants to strip away all my illusions about A2Kers?

Is nothing sacred?

BBB Crying or Very sad
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Sep, 2005 08:51 am
......."so I would like to sum up by thanking the General manager of Corvoisier for the 200 cases that he has donated to my personal charity for the disadvantaged children of upper Manhatten. I can assure him that I will auction off every single bottle, and that every penny will make its way to the....

"AHEM, Sir"

"..What is it Penbury?, can't you see I'm using this voice activated doo dah to con some more brandy out of the Froggies?.."

"I thought you'd like to know, Sir.....you've been seen"

" 'Course I've been seen...... Bloody hell you going on about?"

"In a SHOP, Sir"

"Great Scott!....when? That trip to the Kitchen emporium in April?"

"No, Sir. Nothing to do with egg whisks this time.....a WORKING CLASS shop, Sir.....electricals, apparently."

"How the devil? Get to the bottom of it, Penbury. No photos, were there?
Bloody Press, I suppose."

"No photos, OR Press, Sir....a smelly farmer, apparently"

"All farmers are smelly Pembers, you know the family work motto...."If your farmers don't stink, they're not working hard enough" "

"Yes, Sir. This one is quite exceptional, apparently. Reknowned for it, in fact"

"Who the devil is he....a manure supplier, wot?"

"The one who caused all the stink about being your twin, Sir"

"Ratzenpepper?"

"Hofer, Sir"

"Ratzenpepperhofer, eh....slimy little bugger he turned out to be. Had to pay him of with my most alluring ewe, if I remember."

"He's published your description, Sir."

"What?...my proper one?....How the devil?......"

"No, Sir...your special branch approved disguise"

"The Hunchback? The little bald fella?"

"The very one, Sir....you won't be able to use that anymore"

"That means I'll have to move on to disguise number two, I suppose"

"Yes, Sir....very unfortunate"

"Bloody inconvenience....I was going to buy a rather stimulating garlic press this afternoon"

"Quite, Sir.....would you like me to bring the other outfit?"

"If you would, Pembury....and make sure that you get a slightly larger brassiere, the last one chafed like buggery"

"Yes, Sir.....and by the way, you are tuned into the wrong website again, Sir"

"Wha....?.......damn this bloody technology, turn it off will you Pembers?"

"Yes, Sir......."<click>
0 Replies
 
 

 
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