Am I a virgin?

There's no chance of getting pregnant**, right? Then you're still a virgin.

You're also still a virgin if you:

* masturbate
* go horseback riding
* use tampons
* give blow jobs or engage in mutual masturbation
* get a bad reputation whether through your own actions or not
* someone says you are, or you're not (it doesn't matter)
* dress in some way that someone or other decides is provocative
* don't have a hymen because of any accident or deliberate act or because for whatever reason you weren't born with one
* have a desire for sex
* are the subject of rumors or gossip
* are disdained by incels

** Note: this doesn't mean that protected sex, sex with someone who's sterile, or with a woman "doesn't count".

Virginity is also a social construct. It doesn't matter. Everything that has been created, written, said, etc. about virginity really has only happened as a means of oppressing women and making us feel bad about our bodies, our choices, and our ability to bear children.

Men are never held to such a ridiculous standard. And, in fact, they're often told to lose theirs as quickly as possible. Since women are told the opposite, who, exactly, are these men (and boys) supposed to be losing their virginity to?

Tell people you're a virgin if that suits you. Tell people you're not a virgin if that suits you. Tell people to mind their own damned business if they ask, if that suits you.

In short, do what you feel is right and don't worry about something that in the grand scheme of things is so small.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

Thanks for responding. I honestly envy your easygoing take on the whole thing. I wish I was that casual about it, but my mind cannot stop ruminating on it. I’m not even sure what answer I’m looking for anymore … it’s just exhausting how much hold this has on me.

Try to relax, it's a brand new year.