Reply
Fri 24 Oct, 2025 08:00 am
I have met somebody for the first time in a long time and we’ve been seeing each other fairly consistently for about seven months. During this time it is become clear to me that he has several health conditions which affects the quality of his life on an ongoing basis. We are both retired, and I am widowed after having taken care of my husband who passed from cancer. Therefore, maybe I’m a little more sensitive about finding a partner who I may ultimately have to take care of.
I realize that as we get older, all of us have some health issues, but while he generally can do his daily activities, including swimming on occasion and other types of things, I think that if we were to travel, which is something I really want to do at this point it might be problematic. As it turns out, he has not traveled much during his lifetime and I get the feeling that this was one of the reasons. He actually was very ill when he was very young but at this point in time, there are other issues that have arisen and he takes quite a bit of medication and has to see several doctors.
So basically, he’s not an invalid far but at the same time he’s made it clear to me that if we were to travel, we would have to go someplace that would enable him to rest in case he was feeling well. Apparently the first few hours of the day are the hardest for him given that we have been getting along and have quite a bit in common he wants to take the next step to live together or at least towards that end. I on the other hand, while I would like to have his company on a regular basis, it seems like he’s always suffering one ailment or the other. In fact many times he ends up not staying with me if we go out on a Saturday night because he’s not feeling well. Do I cut the cord now even though we have a very decent relationship? He wants to marry me and move in so this issue is relevant.
@reluctant789,
Have you shared these concerns with people who are close to you? I think that people who know you could provide better advice. But, in general, these issues crop up with aging single people and it's perfectly reasonable for you to be cautious, especially with your experience caring for your husband. Would it be too uncomfortable to discuss this with him directly? Sooner might be better than later.
@reluctant789,
Straight talk from been there, done that
Snap out of it.
You've already cared for and watched someone die
There is a 100% guarantee that you will become this persons full time, unpaid nurse. That's the reason he wants to marry. Don't kid yourself. Cut the cord
Live your life for yourself
@chai2,
It sounds cold, but I agree with chai.
As cold as it sounds, I agree. For a different reason I suggest that you end it as your description and words you use to describe your relationship doesn’t show a lot of passion and joy. Perhaps it’s not the right relationship to keep.
In perhaps an unrelated comparison, in my current relationship of 10 years, I’m what I’d call a two-time serious health issue survivor. I‘m in remission from Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma AND I have a defibrillator-pacemaker for a serious arrhythmia. Granted I’m active and reasonably healthy now and have traveled the world with my partner since the last 10 years after my health scares.
Furthermore, My significant other is a breast cancer survivor doing well for more than 10 years. She is also a widow and took care of her late husband when he was ill with terminal cancer. All of this is to say that this is such an individual situation.
Wishing you the best. In your heart, only you know what is best for you and your circumstances.
Yeah, I love that 2 men thought this was cold. Like, but, but what about me?
Stop tossing the word "cold" around to let women know that their being unwilling to sacrifice every waking moment of their lives, harming their own health along the way, just isn't something you'd expect from someone whos's "supposed" to be warm and nuturing
ragman, you've been with this person for years. I willingly took care of my late husband for the last third of a long marriage
This guy who wants to move in with what he thinks of as his personal nurse & servant has a lot of balls
She (if the story is even true), has been through hell, and is so used to the trauma she's willing to fall right back into it.
I've been widowed now almost 6 years. I've met a lot of women since then. Not one of them would take up with someone with preexisting conditions, who could start circling the drain any time.
I'm not going to dress that up with warm talk of conflicted emotions, and hard decisions.
I'm not going to repeat getting up in the middle of every night to see if someone is breathing, or come home to someone on the floor having seizures, or a hundred other things
This guy needs to be responsible for getting his own healthcare, not through asking a woman to move in with him. Talk about cold and calculating, this guy takes the prize
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace