Husband is a Mommas Boy

Wait, what?

If your husband doesn't think of you as family, and claims that's incestuous, how does he refer to anyone who he's close to? By itself, that's just odd.

As for the remainder, has he ever traveled beyond the magical 15 mile radius? Maybe he just needs to see that the world is a lot bigger and more exciting when he doesn't see it through Mommy's lens.

Hell, I've commuted farther away, for more than one job, in more than one state. And if the economy in your area changes, your husband may find the only way he'll get work (or afford a good home at a good value) is to leave.

And how is he going to handle it when she inevitably passes away? He may not even realize that he's setting himself up for a ton of pain. Not that losing your mother should be a walk in the park (I know this from personal experience, as do millions of other people), but when the loss of your mother also means the loss of the biggest anchor in your life, the one that is the centerpiece of everything that you do, that's got to be especially devastating.

And even before that, if she needs to go into a care home, will he move in order to be closer to her, even if she may, sadly, only be there a year or two? Would he live apart from you, or force a sale of your home, even if the conditions of sale weren't the greatest, or your kids (if any) had to be yanked out of a good school just so he could follow Mommy? What if she had to move to a warmer climate? Would he pack up and go with her, job or no job?

I'm also curious as to what his mother says/does. Is she moaning to him to stay, claiming she'll die without him? Faking cancer or some other horrendous illness to guilt him into staying (people do this)? Taking it all in stride and wondering why he thinks he's got to stay so close to her geographically?

Is your father-in-law in the picture at all? If so, what does he say about this?

This feels like a lot of red flags, sewn in the shape of a person. Your husband needs to learn that he can continue to love and honor his mother even if he's no longer a mere twenty minutes away by car. But he'll probably only learn this from a therapist.

Note: IANAD.